It has been quite a while since I have had a chance to read or post.  Mr. Mountains and I moved from the mountains back to where we have more family and friends.  Mr. Mountains suffered his TBI almost two years ago -- requires 24/7 care (and will for as long as he lives) and cannot make decisions by himself.  Fortunately, we had all our paperwork in order and I can move forward without any issues with finances, etc.  Having the power of attorney in place was a true gift in this situation.  Since the TBI, Mr. Mountains has been in the hospital six more times, the last for a fractured hip.  Two months have passed and just now able to put weight on the leg.  Needless to say, everyday is an adventure.

During this long two years since the accident, the stepchildren (SD 61, SS 58) have been uninvolved.  I tried several times in email explaining the extent of their father's injuries and quality of life with little or no impact.  Neither one visited prior to COVID -- its been 7 or 8 years since they have seen their father and it will be a shock if they do.  Neither one called me during this time to get any information on their father -- I do email when significant issues arise.  

Last year, when I husband wrote SS to say he wanted to visit (this was pre-COVID), SS wrote back he wasn't welcome to come to his house.  It was much like a bully in high school picking on a special needs student -- why would you do that to your father who has been through so much?  That put Mr. Mountains in a depression that lasted for several weeks.  The SD, the only time she talked to her dad last year, said he was welcome at her house but she was not going to make any effort to come see him due to some issue 10 years ago that I have no clue about.  She also lied to him saying she called two or three times on fathers day and left messages, but there was nothing in the call log or voicemail.  She did not call on Thanksgiving or Christmas in 2020.  Her only response to my emails is "Please continue to keep me informed"...which is a bit irritating -- if you want to be informed, you need to put a little effort into it.  Anyhoo, delete email and move on.

My poor husband went from completely independent, driving, working, etc., to requiring 24/7 care for rest of his life, no driving, partial blindness (from the fall that caused the TBI), etc.  It has been very hard on him and his children treat him like its no big deal.  

This past hospitalization lasted five weeks and we are fortunate he survived the long surgery.  There was a suicide attempt too during the stay ... needless to say, I have had my hands full.  I emailed the skids when the injury occurred and they immediately called his cell phone (which has not used in two years -- cannot remember how to use it).  The SS emailed the day after surgery asking if his dad was home...when I said no, he was in the ICU, he asked if his dad had email access.  I just shook my head and answered briefly, no, the hospital did not provide email access.  I then let both skids know that he does not use his phone (after two years I thought they would get that -- my husbands friends all did) nor email.  Then I got the request to send the complete hospital name, address, etc., to them.   At that point, beyond exhaustion, I just told them to send anything to our house.  COVID protocols in the hospital were pretty strict anyway.  Nothing ever arrived at our house, though.  

Long story short, my husband does not want to talk to his kids but he won't tell them that.  I am not comfortable telling them their dad doesn't want to talk...and the SS does keep calling my husbands cell phone and leaving messages once a month even though I told him his dad doesn't answer it.  Heck, I don't know where it is half the time...once I found it in the fridge (lol). 

My stance as of now is to not speak for my husband to his kids.  If they can't figure out what's going on it's not my place.  I also feel, that as their fathers full time caregiver, if they want to truly know how he is, they would call me.  I would not never not share how he is with them...if they would just care enough to reach out.  I may be wrong, but it feels like they would rather NOT know about their father than talk to me...meh.

This post was spurred by the recent posts others who lost their spouse and how horrible the skids were.  Even though my husbands kids are not part of his life, when the time comes, I have planned for the worse and quite frankly expect it.  But, I also would love to be pleasantly surprised.

Thanks for reading and for all encouraging advice you all put out on this site.