This is my first post and know I am so grateful for this space. I am always open to feedback and thank you for being here.

I will give you the trimmed down version as best as I can.

I am a child of step parents. In time my parents and step parents all learned how to get along. Everyone was family and there was a respect for all roles.

I am divorced and my ex is deceased. 

I have 2 grown children N and A. Their relationship with my husband was not perfect but they understood respect. In time as adults they know him to be a father figure

I am remarried to B and he has 2 grown children K and J.

I came into the equation after his marriage was over and did not cause the divorce.

His ex made our life living hell. She would not let him see the kids, told them he was awful, I was awful, and so on. That's a book in itself. She hates me because I told him he has rights and he got them. She couldn't be a bully anymore.

During all this drama we got married.

My SD became an expert as passive aggressive behavior and would be horrible to me when daddy was gone but oh I love you daddy when he was home. She would play us against each other. This caused tension because he felt guilty that his kids were so unhappy. Another book!

In time the emotional abuse his ex served the kids had his daughter wanting to move in with us. His son chose to stay with his mom. SD knew how to manipulate daddy with guilt. 125k in lawyer fees for this.

My kids see all of this and now its causing tensions. Not ok with me

My hubby goes into the hospital and 14 year old SD comes to me wanting to go to all night drinking party. I say no....she flips out...tells me I'm not her mom...can't tell her what to do. 

Hummm. I fully agree...call your mom to come get you.

Hubby comes home from hospital and asks why I kicked his daughter out....I explain what happened..my kids tell him how she was acting...I asked him if he would have let her go...he says no ....asks again why I did it? Told him done with the disrespect of her and I was not her mother. 

He gets phone calls with her in tears why am I so mean. I even showed him a horrible note she wrote but he loves his daughter.

He ends up back in the hospital in emergency surgery. SD calls me to leave hospital for a shirt she wants. I explained what was happening and I can't right now... I will at 8pm.

She calls my church pastor to tell him how distraught she is and how I refuse to give her belongings. She needed help before calling the police. Little did she know the pastor was on his way to the hospital. He tells me about this and shares he knows about her games.

Hubby is released to rehab. His kids never come to see him.

Years pass and we only see kids on holidays for an hour then they leave and when they want something.
They text happy fathers day ...happy birthday...only celebrate their dad when I plan something.
SS will come by once in a while and will come if his dad needs help.

My husband visits them, calls them and even stops by his adult daughters home to pick up her trash every week because she does not want to pay for it!

Year 2020
SD is getting married June 2021
My son getting married July 2021

SD does not include us in planning or discussions.

My son includes us in planning where appropriate and treats his step dad as father. ( bio dad deceased)

SD comes over one day with a packet to where they chose the reception. I'm waiting for her to ask for money....nope she didn't

SD Calls her dad to invite us to the tasting with his ex and her husband. He is on top of the world that his daughter wants him there. I know its 2020...COVID restrictions...there was no mention of grooms parents going....something is up...
I call her and ask if space is limited for the tasting and she says yes. Only 6.
I tell her ill step down so a grooms parent can attend. Its the right thing for me to do. She is at a loss of words and hangs up.
Calls back next day saying grooms parents not going she wants me there.
You don't talk to me other than our polite conversation and now you want me at your tasting. MONEY.

Tasting is over we leave.
Two days later ( trash day) hubby comes upstairs with a folder packed with receipts that SD gave him for us to pay for the wedding.
That did not go well.

Current facts.
I am the money maker in our home and I made a good income.
I lost my job due to COVID and I am unemployed.
My husband had surgery and is out if work for 6 weeks.
My SD and her fiancee both make more income than my husband .
My SD had 4 grandparents pass away and each left her money.
I was just floored.

I then asked my son if he expected us to pay for his wedding incase I was missing something... his response was...Im a grown adult who will pay for his own wedding and would never ask my unemployed mom for money.

We all go to my sons tasting and the SD blows up her dads phone. He thinks its an emergency and excuses himself. Comes back and says a member of his future SIL family was admitted to the hospital. Im concerned ask questions...it was a week ago. SD blew up phone to say someone admitted to hospital a week ago!

Saturday afternoon my son, his fiance, my SD , her fiance are here.
My future DIL and I are talking about her dress.
My SD comes in so to be nice I ask about her dress ....ask to see a picture.
She tells me she does not have one.
I know she is lying but ok.
Later she texts me and says she will not show me her dress ...I can see it with the other guests at the wedding.

2 weeks later
My son takes his brother, me, my husband to get tux fittings. Its a wonderful day. He takes us out to lunch.

SD calls to tell her dad tux appointment for her wedding. Says he will match the groomsmen. ( no father matches the groomsmen...he is the brides father)

We look into these rentals and realize its more cost effective for us to purchase a tux for him than rent for 2. We have 2 other kids so it makes sense.
We purchase him a very nice tux, all the extras, and amazing shoes for his feet. He has terrible feet so he needs good shoes.

We asked my son if he had a problem with this and he said no. Wanted his step dad to be comfortable and look amazing. He did say he still wanted his step-dad there at fittings for opinions on the rest of the tuxs and father support.

My husband was weary about telling his daughter. He went to the tux fitting with his future SIL, son, and groomsmen. Explained he did not need a fitting because he had a tux. He had a handkerchief that matched, shoes matched, it just was his not rented.
Not sure what happened but he came home telling me he would wear rented shoes that will kill his feet and look exactly the same and he would rent the same handkerchief he already owns!

I seriously need a break.

Last night my husband is sitting in the chair and I know something is bothering him.
He finally says he got a call from his daughter and he starts to tear up.
She TOLD HIM she was thinking about her step dad walking her down the isle. He was crushed.
I am so angry.

There is nothing wrong with her step father...he is ok...but never a father figure.

I asked him what he told her and he said he couldn't even respond.
This was the last straw for me. So I'm coming here and not picking up the phone.