I just don't want to handle this alone, toxic Birth Mom
Am I the only one dealing with such a toxic birth mother? These are the texts I received today from BM:
"Why did you cuss my two innocent children for you schizophrenia having bitch, you better not have your episodes with my children
I know about your mental illness and shit I know you taking medication and shit to control your mental so you don't end up in the psychiatric care. Bitch Michael don't know how serious your illness is but I do I'm a nurse bitch. You going to have your episodes and you can't hid it
People who are schizophrenia don't take showers and I'm sure your pussy b stinking n you just give him head because I know he not fucking you
The kids hate you, they think you're joke but keep helping bitch keep thinking their yours but the whole time they're mines. Allah gave me children n not you hello bitch. It's not my problem that your pussy don't work. Your father said your mental health is not ok and your sick So don't take it out on my kids.
I hope you catch Covid
I feel sorry for mike u can't cook nor Fuq just sit at the store and suck dick is what u choose to do instead of having your own kids so that you can experience how to be a mother. You're not even loving mike correctly he's going to cheat and I can't wait for him to play you like he tried to play me. I hope you end up dead who promised you life. You have jinn and I know it. Mike will never know he's possessed by you because he doesn't know but I do know for a fact that you possessed all of us.
I'm never jealous of you, because you are ugly inside and out but what I'm upset about is you manipulative and having him into believing you can take my place girl please you'll never be like me. I'm cute and not dumb "
Literally, first thing in the morning I was getting bombarded with these messages from her before I put her on mute so I can get through my work day.
Some backstory, one of her daughters who is 6 was throwing the worst temper tantrum and I have no kids of my own so I was at a loss in how to handle it. I try my hardest to never cuss around them but one slipped out while she was kicking and screaming to get her way. Her brother went and told his mom all about it and she blew it out of proportion.
Also I am not schizophrenic or take meds... guys this sucks, I can't handle how crazy she is.
Start by blocking her number
Start by blocking her number(s) and address(es). She has no need to contact you. Anything she has to say about the kids, she says to your SO. I also think it's time that you refused to take care of his kids if he isn't there. What does the visitation schedule look like? I hope it isn't 50-50...
Take these messages along to your local police station and ask them what can be done to make them stop, i.e. are they enough to get a restraining/no contact order. Findo ut exactly what you need so that the minute she crosses that line, you nail her. Even if they say there's nothing can be done, they will have your visit on record and you never know when that might come in handy.
Secondly, a "cease and desist" letter from your lawyer might go a long way.
Thirdly, your dh needs to know about these if you haven't already shown him.
Finally, the content of her messages cancel out your cuss word (and who has never let one slip in a moment of stress?).
Blocked
I have blocked her. I haven't gone to the police, yet. Not sure if I will. I have all these messages saved as well as others which I have gotten from her before, years ago now. I finally showed my partner the messages, like two days later because we had been so busy. He wasn't exactly shocked, just upset and feeling helpless. He shared how he feels and deals with the same from her. Like he's damned if he talks to the kids and damned if he doesn't type of double negative binds he faces all the time. I felt good kind of standing up for myself, I told him how I shouldn't have to deal with this from her. Also that it's not my responsibility to watch after and raise their kids. He seemed upset. He told me he has been thinking of us getting married lately and that after all this he is afraid I may not even want to marry him anymore. It's so complicated now. Our relationship had been getting better too. He told me how much he appreciates what I do for the kids. It's just not possible to co parent with his ex, no way. I am now waiting to see if he does anything like get custody or something. I doubt it though.
Are you sure this guy is worth it? Read your previous blog and
Are you sure this guy is worth it? I read your previous blog, and you have a lot of issues besides a toxic BM. You are young and your Mom offered to let you move home - have you considered it? What are you getting out of this relationship except heartache and the hard work of taking care of 5 kids?
I sometimes consider it...
But I don't want to give up the buisness that I worked so hard on. I would need to talk to him about how we would go about either splitting the buisness or something... I'm not sure.
Yes I have. BM has accused me
Yes I have. BM has accused me of all sorts of a abuse of the SKs. I lock up the food and starve them, make them sleep on the floor, scream in Thier faces and so on.
You know what has been great!! Going no contact with BM. I don't have anything to do with her, we haven't spoken in 2 years and I don't give a flying furry what she has to say or thinks about me.
Yes she has PASd the kids, but I am just disengaged from them too. BM is SOs problem and I have advised him to go no contact unless absolutely necessary but he can't. He seriously thinks she will suddenly find a soul and care about her children over herself. NOT!!!!
Narcissism?
Are they narcs? That they only care for themselves over even their own kids wellbeing.
Oklahoma Statute §21-1172
Oklahoma Statute §21-1172 makes it illegal to use any telecommunication or electronic communication device to threaten, harass, or otherwise intimidate another person. Under this law, making lewd, obscene and indecent proposals or comments through these means is also unlawful and may be criminally prosecuted.
Get in touch with the police and an attorney.
She’s insecure
She sounds insecure and immature. I pity the healthcare facility she is employed at and any patients she may be responsible for. Most of all I feel bad for the kids having a toxic mother destroying them already. So sorry you're going through this
Not a real nurse
I believe she is just a medical assistant, not even a real nurse. Last I heard she wasn't in that field of work anymore too, but she likes to think she is. She likes to think a lot of untrue things.
what did DH do?
About this threatening attack on you?
1. talk to non-emergency police to see what your options are.
2. stop replying to her.
3. stop watching their children alone.
4. back to my title: what did your DH do?
Oh, I never reply to her
I have never replied to her when she messages me like this. I am still hesitant to go to the police over this too. I mentioned above how I finally told my partner about this and that I am not responsible for watching after the kids alone. He hasn't done anything really, but he has told his ex she needs to stop being childish and arguing with everyone.
Save all of that. Report her
Save all of that. Report her for harrassment. She is the one who is mentally unstable.
PLEASE make sure you do not
PLEASE make sure you do not loose any of her message. Screen shot them.
Block her. Why do you think she must be able to access YOU?
You're right
You're right, she doesn't need to talk to me at all.
One more thing,,,are you
One more thing,,,are you married to bio dad?
In her last blog, OP refers
In her last blog, OP refers to him as SO...
Unmarried
Not married, yet. I don't know if and when we will at this point too. It's complicated.
I'd send those to her
I'd send those to her employer. Good Lord.
Wishful revenge daydreams
Haha that would be great, to send those to anyone who knows her really. I'm just not the type to do that though, only in my head.
Just block her. Let her simmer in her own effluent.
Or... if you really want to have some fun.... red line her texts and emails highlighting her moron level grammatical performance and ridicule her for missing most of grade school grammar class.
Some options. "Could you possibly be this stupid and illiterate? Your ignorant attempts to communicate are the highlight of my day. Please... keep spouting your moronic crap so I can save it to share with your children as they grow up and leave you in their rear view mirror as they recognize how much of a drooling toothless moron that you are. Keep it up. The laughs your idiocy provides to my day is truly enjoyable. By the way, I have forwarded all of your toxic drivel to your employer, your minister, and .... your mother and father. Have a great day!"
You can have so much fun with this ignorant see you next Tuesday. Enjoy!!!!!!
No man would be worth that
No man would be worth that bullshit for me.
You're right
No man is worth this bullshit, but here I am. So unsure of how to proceed. Just because I am not sure what I want anymore. I just want my peace.
This bio mum takes batshit crazy to bat shit effin crazy!!
Holy moly... she definitely is insecure, thinks she herself is ugly, wishing her exhusband cheats on you so it can upset the kids more that their dad is trash (further encourages her pas ammo), she mentions allah in the most vile way possible which is disgusting for a muslim (if this woman is a muslim, hun she is one of the vilest people i have heard of, her behaviour completely contradicts the peaceful friendly nature muslims are meant to be to people), talks about jinns etc.
She is muslim, we all are
She is muslim, we all are. She's always been such a hypocrite about her faith, like we are the bad ones and she can do no wrong. I'm tired of her man. She'll even call my dad and talk shit about me to him. My dad has since been asking me why I stay in such a situation, he gets mad at the things she says about me. I don't even know how to respond, it's just my choice. I make the choice to stay, I guess because I am so attached now. It's very difficult.
Trauma is keeping you
Trauma is keeping you attached. I don't know if you'll take my advice (i hope you do) but consider taking a break from this relationship and not just a few days but months, seek counseling while you'reat it. This relationship is not healthy and not worth it in the long run even if there is light at the end of this tunnel.
Time away will help you see that.
You are so right. I wish i
You are so right. I wish I had understood and believed your advice before. But now I have been reading up on trauma bonding and am in therapy too. I was so young and naive and I'm so much better now. I've left and feel so free.
Well, I think we know who
Well, I think we know who really has the mental issues.
Block her. Tell Mike to get this bitch in line or you are done. If he doesn't have the balls to protect you from his mentally unstable ex, leave him. You don't have to put up with this crap.
Frankly, I would just be done with the whole trashy bunch.
He had FIVE kids with her? Sorry, but I have to question his mental health, as well.
I know...
I'm embarrased about it. I don't think that's supposed to be a feeling that is desirable when you enter a relationship, shame is the worst feeling.
We accept the love we think we deserve, and I used to have such low self esteem myself. I have since been working on it, and am so appreciative of this site too because it has really been helpful for me to see others perspectives of my situation in an understanding and helpful way. I'm learning sadly, that love is not enough. I deserve respect and safety too.