Mother’s Day with step kids

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Ok this is only my second post.

so today is Mother's Day. This is the first Mother's Day without my mum and I am also working all day so it's a hard one.

i have two kids (7 and 14) and two step kids (2 and 5) and my other half hasn't got me anything for Mother's Day. He has taken his kids over to see their mum for the day (great) and gone to see his mum, this is good as I am at work all day.

I bought the mother's days presents for step kids mum and for his mum and he never thought it would be hard for me to do that, but for him then not to think to her anything for me really upsets me. Not even a card. He is also going to his now until Tuesday so he can spend time with his kids.

I know this isn't a step issue it's a dickhead issue but I need to vent.

yesterday we had all the kids together and it's horrible to see how differently he treats my kids to his (he lives with us for 9 months whilst waiting for his house to go through so he really does know mine) but to then treat his daughter like the Queen of Sheba. Eg she was saying she was bored constantly so he said fine we will go to the park. Little one was asleep so he asked is it ok if I stay. Absolutely. My son was playing out the front he just walks out doesn't ask my son if he wants to go and just gets on the car. My son comes in asking where they have gone and I assumed he would of asked him to go so my son was upset he was being left out.

I called him and asked him what he was playing at and his answer was he doesn't think. I'm on the verge

I can relate

I feel you sweetie. Although I have no kids of my own. My partner has three. And have had to sit by and watch him spend money we don't have on BM Mother's Day gifts. Even dragged me along to help them pick flowers for her. Gifts for her. Despite me looking after them for the last year. It was our weekend to have them but he has driven them back to her early today as it's Mother's Day. Flowers and gifts in tow.

yet. There is nothing here from them. For me. That's ok. But nothing from him either. Not even a thank you from his mouth to say how he appreciates what I do or how I am with them. I do plenty for them. Buy them stuff. Well. Not anymore.

im sorry he is excluding your children. That's not acceptable.

I absolutely agree that he

I absolutely agree that he should be getting something for BM and I actually told him too he wasn't going to bother because she didn't for Father's Day (I did) but I just said be the bigger person and it's for your kids

Im so sorry

I'm so sorry for the loss of your mother. That's really hard.

just to offer a different perspective, if I walked outside to look for my son and he was gone because my SO just took him with him as he left, I would be FURIOUS. You don't just take someone else's kid without consulting their parent first. You might be partners but he's not your kids' parent.

I know you're hurting right now for lots of reasons. But one of the things I see in your post is a lot of assumption and not a lot of communicating. Did you assume he would get you something for Mother's Day, even though you're not the mother of his child? Or did you assume his kid would, even though you're not his mom? And why did you assume that he should treat your children the same as his own biological children question or that he would just pick one up and take him to the park with him without consulting you first? I think if you want to be acknowledged by your partner on Mother's Day, that's a thing that you need to say. Even with biological parents, I think it's not a bad idea to say hey but I'd like for Mother's Day this year is… Or it was a rough parenting year, I'd like to do X on my day. And if the disparity in treatment is a big issue for you, you need to have a conversation about it, rather than unload on someone for not guessing how you feel. He genuinely does your kids only kindness and respect, not the love of a biological parent. And if that's a dealbreaker for you, that's something you should talk about

Yes, I agree with all of this

Yes, I agree with all of this. He's not obligated to take your son to the park, but he could communicate it differently - ie, "DD and I are going to spend some alone time together" so your son knows he's not being left out or ignored.

As for Mother's Day - next year, don't help his kids get something for their mom if he's not going to reciprocate by helping yours get something for you. It's not either of your responsibility to do so, but if you are going to do it, it should go both ways. Communication is key - let him know that next year you won't be helping his kids get something for their mom if he doesn't plan to help yours.

I agree that he was not

I agree that he was not obligated to take her son to the park, however, since she stayed home so that she could babysit HIS youngest child, he could have at least offered.

Fair enough, I missed that

Fair enough, I missed that part. But it sounds like he's oblivious (and selfish), so OP will have to next time say - I'll watch the youngest if you take my DS with you (or agree to watch one of mine another time so I can have time alone).

I missed this too!

Missed that detail! And yes, My god, if you are doing a partner a favor and watching one of their kids, they can return that favor, and should. But also yes he's oblivious and/or selfish.

Ok so I wasn't expecting him

Ok so I wasn't expecting him to get me anything from his kids, they have a mum and that's not me. His ex didn't get him anything for Father's Day and I knew she wouldn't as that's the kind of person so I made sure that he had something from his kids.

I don't get anything for Mother's Day (kids dad doesn't bother) so I see him going out and getting stuff for his mum and the kids mum and it just didn't cross his mind that seen as he knows I don't get anything that it may be a nice thing to do.

That's what I meant - that he

That's what I meant - that he should help YOUR kids get stuff for you, not his kids.

I don't expect anything from

I don't expect anything from SKs for mothers day. But I do appreciate SO always gets me something to show his appreciation.

As far as treating the kids equal. I can't judge because I take DS lots of places and not SKs. I feel it's SKs parents jobs to parent them, not mine and I am not going to do more for them than their own parents.

If we are doing a family activity then of course they are included. But I have in the past included SKs in activities with DS and all that happened was they ruined the experience for him and I don't think that's fair.

I do from time to time do things with just YSD, but it's usually as a reward because she has been following rules and being respectful to me.