How many hours on the phone is normal
My ss is 23 and lives with me and my bf. He met a girl about a year and a half ago and for various reasons we don't think she's right for him.
but my question is how many hours a day on the phone to one person is normal. He's on furlough at the minute so has plenty of spare time but he spends all day and night in his room talking to his girlfriend, I mean he can get up at 11 and be talking to her all day till 3 in the morning with barely a break in between. And this is every day unless she's working. Even if he comes down stairs to make a drink and is talking to us for 10 minutes she's still either still on FaceTime on his phone in his pocket or she's still on video call on his computer upstairs. Surely this isn't normal? to me this is a bit obsessive and un healthy or am I wrong?
Seems excessive to me, but it
Seems excessive to me, but it's his relationship, and he's an adult. So not much you can do about it.
He can date who he likes that
He can date who he likes that's up to him but I just wish he'd shut his bloody bedroom door. He may want to speak to her 24/7 but it doesn't mean we want to listen to her on speaker phone full blast 24/7. We've told him so many times to shut his door but he just doesn't bother.
Does his father pay for his
Does his father pay for his phone? Does he set any other limits? How long is his furlough? Maybe he needs to spend it elsewhere next time, if he can't be considerate of the others in the home.
He pays for his own phone but
He pays for his own phone but he speaks to her via the internet so technically we are paying for the calls. He moved in 3 years ago (a week after I moved I with bf) when he came back from uni, he doesn't pay rent because he's dad said while he was at uni he wouldn't charge him but I've reminded my bf that when he starts work again in April he will be paying rent as he's finished uni now.
Ah, furlough from a job, I
Ah, furlough from a job, I was thinking military. Yes, time for him to start paying rent and making plans to move out once he is employed again.
Then stand at his door and
Then stand at his door and yell "Hiya Julie! Howya doin'. Haven't seen you for a while but have heard you lots! Isn't that cute? SS keeps you on full volume to be sure we know what's going on with you! Isn't that something? We just LOVE knowing what's going on with the both of you, etc. " And keep on until he cuts you off. At that point, act innocent... because you thought he WANTED you to hear it all... otherwise why use speaker and why not close his door?
As funny as that would be it
As funny as that would be it's pointless because she barely speaks to us. Before COVID she's used to stop multiple times a week and hardly ever spoke to us, she's so unsocial it's unbelievable. We had to tell ss it's bloody rude to spend the amount of time at our house and not even speak to us, she even blanked me once when I said hello to her. When lockdown is over she can stop 1 night a week maximum.
Regardless. At least that way
Regardless. At least that way you get to make both of them uncomfortable. Go for it and enjoy every second of it!
Shut it for him
Shut it for him
Sounds like good news. If he
Sounds like good news. If he can't bear to be away from her for long, hopefully they will move in together soon. Start planting the seeds that once baby bird flys from the nest, they don't return.
He announced just before xmas
He announced just before xmas they were saving to buy a house so I think he will still be here for a while. Tbh my bf almost jumped for joy when he told us and We've already made plans for the bedrooms when he moves out so he won't be moving back in.
No no - he needs to ASK if he
No no - he needs to ASK if he can stay while he saves for a house - and the answer is no, unless he begins to be respectful to you and BF and follow rules of the house.
If he can't follow those rules, then he can go get an apartment with her.
Tbh I'm sick to death of him,
Tbh I'm sick to death of him, he's lazy and selfish. I've not pushed my bf too much on this because he had a similar problem with his middle son which didn't end well and they haven't spoken in years so I think this is in the back of his mind all the time and he doesn't want to lose another son. But I've had enough, if he's staying while he saves he pays rent
Kind of weird for a 23 year
Kind of weird for a 23 year old. Do they not see each other? Is he emotionally immature?
It's weird to me but maybe I'm weird. I remember when I first started dating my DH, I told him not to call me everyday. And not to call me before a certain time because I needed time to do MY thing.
Yes he sees her 3 or 4 days a
Yes he sees her 3 or 4 days a week despite the lockdown, we've told him he shouldn't be doing it but he doesn't seem to think rules apply to him and I don't get any backing from my bf on this he just turns a blind eye to it. It annoys me because me and bf follow the rules to the letter especially as I visit my dad every week because he is terminally ill and I cannot risk passing anything on to him.
Even when ss spends the day with her as soon as he's home he's straight on the phone to her again till 3 in the morning, I know everyone is different but it's seems obsessive.
How long is his furlough? If
How long is his furlough? If it has lasted longer than several months it sounds like he should be looking for another job. Either that or taking some classes couldn't hurt.
First time round he was on
First time round he was on furlough for approx 6 months then got made redundant. He got another job but we went back into lockdown and his place of work is shut till April. He has a masters degree and he's applying for better jobs but there's not many jobs out there due to COVID. But if it was me I would go and get any job rather than sit on my arse all day, he doesn't care though because we pay for everything.
AIr horn. When his
AIr horn. When his telecommunication romance interferes in the peace of the home, blast him with an air horn and keep it blasting until he shuts his door and turns it down to a polite level.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
Also, at bed time, shut off the internet router and do not give him the PW. He can speak to her on his cell phone all night but not on the household internet.
Zero tolerance for his rude crap is in order. Apply zero tolerance.
Believe me I'd love to do
Believe me I'd love to do that but don't think that would go down well with bf.
Your BF is an ineffective
Your BF is an ineffective parent to this kid. Your home, deliver the consequences since your ball-less BF won't.
When BF whines and gnashes his teeth about it, tell him to grow a pair, many up, and parent because you will not tolerate the rude crap from his adult son.
Your BF's parental failures have created this situation. It does not work. So make a change.
I love my bf to bits but I
I love my bf to bits but I have to admit his parenting skills leave a lot to be desired. Just cos you love your kids and buy them stuff doesn't make you a good parent.