GOING THROUGH HELL . IS LOVE ENOUGH?????
i would never date guys with guys ever again, my bf is great, we get along like no other, he could potentially be the man of my life with the only exception of his kids, baby mama, his own mom, he is surrounded by drama but for him its normal because thats where hes been all along. and calls me dramatic for not liking shit, his baby mama is crazy, she feels shes being followed, sees and hears things, so we have to be stuck with the kids for longer, i have a 3 yr old who loved his girls, but they dont like him so i have to constantly keep telling him not to bug them or to come do something else with me because he wants to spend time with them his girls are 6 and 8 so they are pretty close, on the other hand , his mom hates me, just because, he hates anyone who dates his son, his family isnt the nicest, my bf is so good though, i feel bad for thinking of leaving him because of his surroundings. im to the point i cant stand even seeing his kids, they also created a lot of drama telling their mom lies about what we would do such as us not feeding them, ignoring them, and this is when i actually tried to like them. i dont know what to do, i dont want that for the rest of my life but i also know i will lose someone who treats me like his queen
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If he's surrounded drama, it
If he's surrounded drama, it's because he likes that. Think about it.
BINGO!
BINGO!
Crazy BM with clear psychiatric issues? Petition for full custody, block her from calling, communicate only via email, etc.
MIL is mean to any woman he dates? Cut off MIL and tell her to stuff it.
His kids being mean and disrespectful to a 3 year old? Consequences! Parent them! They don't have to play with the kid, but poor behavior of any kind needs to be addressed by Dad, and with therapy if it's needed.
Unfettered drama doesn't have to continue. It's a choice to allow it to keep happening.
" i dont want that for the
" i dont want that for the rest of my life". You already said it. I know is difficult when you really love someone but first of all you have to love yourself and ask yourself if this situation is good for you and in this case your child too. There are things that can't be tolerate and as I read your ife is full of them, starting with this girls rejecting your kid.This is just the beginning and if you decide to stay you have to accept this problems get bigger and bigger (because thats how it is with skids)
Looking at it objectively,
Looking at it objectively, your boyfriend doesn't sound so good. He comes with too much drama and baggage, and obviously he's not protecting you from it. That's not good. Save yourself.
He tries so hard and has
He tries so hard and has asked me to let him handle things with the baby mama and his mother, but its still there i cant ignore shit that comes from them, i wish he could just divorce all of them
Has this man that treats you
Has this man that treats you like a queen stood up to his mother, children, ex wife, in your honor, cuz going thru hell is not worth it if he hasn't.
He has stepped up to them,
He has stepped up to them, but they dont get it and he cant completely shut them off because its the baby mama and needs to be in contact, i blocked everyone because they would message me. he rarely sees his mom, but she asks him for help here and there which makes me super mad, im dont have to spend time with them at all but i feel bad not even letting him call his mom once a while. even if i dont hear from any of them, i no longer check his conversation with the baby mama because its all talk and demands attention for her kids which she doesnt even do herself
If you want to marry this man
If you want to marry this man I would think twice. MIL problems are real. Even if you don't see her she is still in the picture.She will make herself known. And step children and BM are a f'n nightmare when they are young. Even as adults the problems can get bigger. I think you and your child could thrive much more without this situation. If you are living in hell now just watch out if you stay in this relationship. He may treat you like a queen but he is no prince with all this stuff. It will get harder as time goes on.
Um
No.
So he's perfect, except for everything that makes him who he is?
Love is not enough.
You have a child, so your highest duty is to provide a calm, safe, stable, and secure childhood for him. Kids who grow up around chaos often seek it out as adults, which could be why your bf chose his ex in the first place. Do you want your son to do the same? Do you want him to grow up bullied and rejected by your bf's daughters?
You shouldn't feel bad for thinking about leaving. You're supposed to be focused on providing a high-quality life for your son and yourself. You can't separate the man from the issues that surround him, and any ONE of the issues you've shared is a relationship killer. Frankly he doesn't sound amazing at all, because he isn't doing anything to correct/manage/protect you and your son from his toxic baggage.
Guys like this either go through a lot of gfs who never stay, find a woman with low self esteem, or end up with one crazy enough to accept his crazy.
Do your job as a parent and get your son away from this mess.
he always says theyre just
he always says theyre just kids and thats how siblings behave, theyll fight and them become friends again, hes has tried to get out of this mess, he used to have this kids 50/50 and to avoid more drama he gave her the kids custody as she wanted to, so now he only has them every other weekend. she doesnt bitch as much but if the girls tell her something she will bitch nonestop. i put a stop on her and blocked her, i even told her i didnt give a fuck about her daughters and to stop messaging me. i hate how we cant go anywhere because " we have to let her know every detail of our trip and send her pics". ive told him he doesnt have to do that but he said that doesnt hurt anyone
Did you even read what Julie
Did you even read what Julie said to you??? Think about what she said to you. Stop coming up with defenses for him and try think about all this advice you got on the thread. Take the weekend, we can wait.
LOL I WISH I CAN TAKE THE
LOL I WISH I CAN TAKE THE WEEKEND, HE PICKED UP HIS KIDS YESTERDAY *sorry2*
But surely you’re not leaving tonight
When people ask this question, they're often looking for permission to leave, but I see you co-opting all of his excuses.
and he doesn't treat you like a Queen. Queens don't put up with this crap. Would you do this to someone? Would you let your kid and parents and ex beat up on your partner?
and yeah, what everyone else said about what this models for your own child. You kid deserves to be in an emotionally and physically safe home. That ain't it.
she doesnt bitch as much but
I am not sure why your boyfriend's ex even had your number to begin with, but should have never had it.
You seem like you can stand up for yourself. However, the person you have failed to stand up to is the culprit in this situation.....your boyfriend.
If I were you, I would have a serious problem with him dating me knowing he had all this bs going on to begin with. He knows his life is a wreck, yet brought this bs into not only your life but also your young son's life?
If I were you, I would have went the hell off on him. He doesn't treat you like a Queen. He didn't even respect you enough to clean his life up PRIOR to bringing you and your son into it. Your boyfriend is not a man. If I were in your shoes I would have already had some choice words for him, and none of them would have been nice. HELL NO love isn't enough!!! His pathetic a-- deserves to be dumped. Imho
He's not great - you can't
He's not great - you can't exclude all of his baggage and how poorly he handles it from your assessment of him. If he was great, he'd find a way to set firm boundaries on BM and his mother (yes, it really can be done - you are making excuses for why it can't be) and he'd protect you from all of that. Instead, he calls you the "dramatic" one so he doesn't really have to deal with it.
He's not great, and no - love isn't enough.
He's a bad dad for not
He's a bad dad for not providing stability and a drama-free environment for his kids. He was a bad dad for giving up more custody to an ex who is unstable.
You're a bad mom to keeping your kid in a drama-filled environment that stresses you out, and for making him live with kids who actively disengage with him and cause issues for him/your home.
You want to keep dating him in your off time? Go for it. However, until he gets his life together and you learn to not stress out over drama, you need to not get anymore involved. This mess is toxic for both you and your son.
I think calling someone a BAD
I think calling someone a BAD MOM because she is trying to figure out her relationship with a man she loves is over the line. She knows it has problems but I have no doubt she loves her child. She asked if love is enough.
Gonna have to disagree. It's
Gonna have to disagree. It's bad enough that she is considering leaving and knows her kid is being hurt by others, but she keeps bringing him around? Instead of stepping away to figure it out, which is the adult thing to do, she's keeping her son in the middle of it "for love".
Trying to figure it out isn't the problem. It's keeping her son in it while she does it - when it stresses her out and causes her problems - that is the issue. She's an adult and can choose to stay, but she crosses a line when she keeps her kid involved.
The only thing that I have
The only thing that I have read about this child being hurt is when the 6 and 8 year old girls don't want to play with him. They are 6 and 8. And they are not even there all the time. And if you read all the other blogs on this site about step kids and bios and fights and chaos you must think they are bad moms too. If that is the case then many members of this site should just choose to leave.
Her problem is MIL, BM, and boyfriend drama. I think if her child was being abused she would leave.
There are a few members on
There are a few members on here that I think are bad parents because they haven't left. I've probably voiced it before and then stopped voicing it.
I personally struggle a lot
I personally struggle a lot with people moving kids into terrible blended family situations just because they themselves want a partner.
YES! THANKS! ITS PRETTY MUCH
YES! THANKS! ITS PRETTY MUCH JUST MIL AND BM, I GOTTA SAY THE MIL IS THE WORSE ONE BECAUSE I CANT DO SHIT, I DID TELL HIM IF HE PUTS US TOGETHER AGAIN AND SHE CANNOT RESPECT ME AND KEEP THINGS TO HERSELF I WILL NOT CARE AND TALK SHIT TOO AND I DOUBT HE WANTS THAT, THE BM IS ALL TALK, BUT ANNOYING, ALONG WITH HER KIDS, WHICH I HAVE TO DEAL WITH IF I STAY WITH HIM. ITS JUST SO HARD TO LET GO OF SOMEONE WHO IS GOOD TO YOU, I KNOW HE TRIES BUT ITS JUST NOT ENOUGH, HE SAYS IM TOO PICKIE
L.D. BINGO BINGO BINGO
L.D.
BINGO BINGO BINGO
NO ONE IS HURTING MY KID, HIS
NO ONE IS HURTING MY KID, HIS 6 AND 8 YR OLD DONT WANT TO PLAY WITH HIM EVERY TIME BUT THATS ABOUT IT, ENOUGH FOR ME TO NOT LIKE THEM AROUND HIM, IS THEY WERE REAL SIBLINGS I WOULD SAY IT NORMAL, WHEN HIS KIDS COME TO MY HOUSE, MY BABY IS WITH HIS DAD, EXCEPT WHEN HIS KIDS COME FOR 2-3 HOURS JUST TO HANG OUT, BUT MOST OF THE TIME HES GONE BECAUSE WE ALTERNATE WEEKENDS, HE IS GOOD WITH MY SON, I DONT TAKE HIM AROUND THIS FAMILY EITHER. BUT I DONT LIKE IT WHEN HES IGNORED EVEN IN THE SMALLEST THINGS AND HE KNOWS IT, IF HE DOESNT DEFEND HIS KIDS ITS ON HIM, BUT MY KID WILL ALWAYS HAVE MY PROTECTION AGAINST ANYONE
I dont let anyone adult or
I dont let anyone adult or kid to do anything to my son and he knows it. When he gave up custody the bm wasnt phisically crazy yet. And she is a social worker and always threatens to take then away so to put a stop on her and give her what she wants he gave it up and kept weekends only. She still wasnt happy. And ive made it clear theres things i will not accept. And i try to not have both of our kids in the house at the same time because even if they arent being mean, they kinda just dont play with my son. They are older and into way different stuff. So we take turns but its not the way i want to be for the rest of my life. I told his this last weekend i dont like your kids because all the problems they have caused us. They start the problem. So i just ignore them, i used to play with them and do alll kids of stuff but not anymore.
Can you support yourself
Can you support yourself enough to move into a 2bedroom place?
IF you really want to work on this relationship, I would do it from my own place where YOU control the environment that is warm, loving and attentive to your child.
Doesn't a calm happy home sound wonderful?
In order to be treated like a Queen you need to find a King...
Whats UP with the term Queen/King anyway. Is that like they are needy or something? You sound like a very strong woman
who knows something is off with your boyfriend.
There is way too much drama at his house. NO IT IS NOT NORMAL. Some people thrive on it. He sounds like he does.
.
Sorry.
He moved in with me. Ive had
He moved in with me. Ive had my own place since ive had my baby. I feel like i do have the control but i cant control his kids not coming over because he has to have them every other weekend and my baby loved those kids, but unfortunaly they dont treat him like what he is, a baby/ toddler. They just want to play with eachother which is understandable. But i feel bad for my baby to be ignored when he wants to play with them. And i always grab him and take him to do something fun, better than what the girls are doing and then i say they cannot play with us. By bf says its a aibling things, to fight and bla bla, but i still dont like it. This last weekend i made it clear i dont like kid daughters for all the trouble they have caused and keep causing me.
If he wants to see his kids
If he wants to see his kids he can see them elsewhere. He has no right to inflict them on you.
iknow!!!!
i know when we argue I tell him that, but then i also have my baby and he always says he has to deal with my kid but yet i cant deal with his. and that hes just asking for me to be nice to them, im not mean i just dont play with then or try to talk to them, when i was nice they were still making up shit and telling their mom because she rewards them when they talk shit about me.
Your blog really got to me. I
Your blog really got to me. I must say you are not a BAD MOM. You are in a life changing situation.I also what to add that this site has some women on here that love to gang up on new bloggers. That is why they come here. And when someone says something that the "gang" doesn't like they talk on another site and make their plan.So as I do ignore them. That being said I hope you find happiness for you and your son.