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Step-daughter Security Blanket Attachment

aphijen's picture

Submitted by aphijen on Tue, 02/02/2021 - 12:57am

Hi everyone!

I am really hoping to gain some insights from all of you.  My SO has a 10 year old daughter that carries her lovey (stuffed animal) everywhere.  I have done some research and found that most kids stop this when they are 4 or 5.  It's ok for the kids to sleep with the lovey but to just discontinue taking it everywhere.   I am not trying to be judgemental in anyway but I worry about her development.  Please provide any advice in this area.

Thanks so much!!

Comments

Wilhelm's picture

Submitted by Wilhelm on Tue, 02/02/2021 - 2:32am

If the child needs it just let the child have it. I would not make any comments in the child's hearing about it.

Winterglow's picture

Submitted by Winterglow on Tue, 02/02/2021 - 3:22am

All children are different and have different needs and all develop at different rates. They don't all wean from their lovies at the same age and it's not a good idea to try and force things. She'll let it go when she's good and ready. This isn't something that would make me worry about her development - are there other things besides this?

PokaDotty's picture

Submitted by PokaDotty on Tue, 02/02/2021 - 6:34am

My DD, now 20, is a sucessful young lady who graduated high school with honors and has a 4.0 GPA in college. I mention this to show she turned out pretty darn good even though she had an atrocious green blanket she would tote around. I came to absolutely despised the thing! Lime green! When she went to school, it was squashed in the bottom of her backpack. It never came out but she carried it with her. She phased it out herself.

I would add, she would take it with her when we ran errands, etc. We were not thrilled but just told her to leave it in the car. It really wasn't a big deal in the grand scheme of things.

She's a confident woman now. Enjoys running for school office positions and is fine with public speaking. Who knows, maybe hanging on to her comfort blanket helped?

 

halo1998's picture

Submitted by halo1998 on Tue, 02/02/2021 - 7:04am

and refuses to give it up.   She is top student in a STEM male dominated field in college. She is confident and a gifted musician who performs infront of crowds (virtually right now) without issues.  

That blanket has been EVERYWHERE, including Europe twice.  It is her comfort and it works for her.   I was joking with her the other day that it is getting threadbare...and she told me to shush...its just fine.  

I would let this go....its not worth the fight.  

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Tue, 02/02/2021 - 7:42am

Everyone else said it. She will take care of it in her own time. Don't make this one a hill to die on. 

Crspyew's picture

Submitted by Crspyew on Tue, 02/02/2021 - 9:18am

What caused you to look into this?  As others have said .not a hill to die on and if we were honest all of us adults would fess up to a lovey of some form or other.  Most of us have objects that bring comfort.  I can certainly understand a child wanting some reliable object as they transition between homes.  

Mominit's picture

Submitted by Mominit on Tue, 02/02/2021 - 12:46pm

Nope.  This is one adult who can firmly state I don't have a "love of some form or other" to fess up to.  I do not have an object that I cling to, or bring out in public with me.  And I'm about the most sentimental person you'll ever meet.  My kids all had lovey objects.  Blankets or stuffed animals or something else that gave them comfort.  But at an appropriate age (5 I believe!) they were told firmly that that very precious article was too precious to be lost.  So it stayed in their bedroom.  They were welcome to go hang out in their room with their security item if they needed it for any reason, and never ever did we throw them away.  But I believe everything has a time, and the "carry your security item around with you" stage is for people who can't self soothe.

So would I make this my hill to die on - for most people no, but obviously I did.  For all of my kids and SKs (thankfully DH agreed).  And my kids are just as successful and unscarred as those who were allowed to carry such things everywhere.  So in the end, I guess there's no right answer.

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Submitted by Rumplestiltskin on Tue, 02/02/2021 - 12:55pm

The only reason i would be aggravated by something like this is if the kid was problematic in other ways. Like, they've been an intolerable thorn in your side and this is just one thing in a long list of things that bothers you.

My sister did the blankey and thumb-sucking things, and i didn't. I feel like we grew up to have about the same level of success mixed with screwed-upness. 

aphijen's picture

Submitted by aphijen on Wed, 02/10/2021 - 7:38pm

Thank you everyone for your feedback, sounds like it is best to just let her "outgrow" it on her own.

I actually had a lovey that I carried around but my Mom insisted that when I turned 7 it stayed at home in my bed and I turned out just fine!  Smile   I actually still have it in my memories box. 

I originally became concerned because I have seen her have a massive meltdown if she can't find it or if she leaves it at her Mom's when she comes to our house.  I have a lot of friends that have kids but have never seen this kind of reaction from a 10 year old, so I started to get concerned about her development.