When I got together with my partner, his daughter was 14 and he had full custody of her.  She demanded that I not look at her, speak to her, or 'bother' her in any way, and I was not allowed to go on the side of the house that she occupied (which got absolutely filthy, but not my problem), and my partner agreed to most of her demands, no matter how much it actually damaged the family dynamic and hurt me.  I was hurt and baffled by the rejection and disrespect for the first couple years and kept wondering why I was not given a chance at all, but it made disengaging sort of the natural state of things for me, which I'm now oddly grateful for.  I spent five difficult years in their messed up dynamic before I demanded that she move out or I was not coming back to our home together (and I have always kept my own home as a backup plan and believe that I always will).  In the time that we were forced together, she called me every name in the book (in passing while being unable to ever make eye contact with me), she regularly threatened to kill me and threw the craziest tantrums I have ever seen, she went through my things and stole from me in our bedroom, her and her friends made fake accounts to harass me online and pretended to be women who were sleeping with my partner (among other incredibly sick things), she attempted to poison me, she kept walking around in completely see through lingerie and laying out in our yard naked (even after her father repeatedly begged her to stop), she started doing drugs in our home, and her dad didn't do much at all except spoil her and tell me to "be the adult/act my age" (his daughter is 13 years younger than me) and "be the bigger person."  He also put up security cameras in our bedroom to try to make her stop robbing me and going through all of my stuff.  Those cameras caught her talking crap about him and doing drugs in our house and having boys over when we went on vacation, which was a huge eye opener for him (didn't believe it when I simply told him, lol), but I digress.

No one in my partner's family can stand to be around her, and she is their blood, and all of my partner's friends constantly tell me that they feel sorry for me for having to deal with her.  I thankfully have had a lot of support from his friends and family over the years.

The final straw for me was at the start of last year when she went into our bedroom while her father and I were out on a date and dug through the purses in my closet to find a journal that I had hidden in one of them.  She then used the information in that journal (that I was sex trafficked as a child) to taunt me publicly on all of my social media accounts.  She actually tried to slut shame me over.. being raped as a child and teen, and wrote that I must have loved it because it's the only time anyone really wanted me.  It hurt me very deeply in ways that I still cannot quite put into words.  Then, using the same fake accounts, she sent me messages pretending to be other women who were having sex with my partner.  I was away for work when my social media blew up.  At the same time, I realized that she had talked my partner into letting her move her "best friend" into our house.  Her best friend is an 18-year-old girl who is on drugs and dropped out of school, and we have had trouble with her in the past (trying to inappropriately touch my partner, egging on his daughter to 'beat me up,' and doing drugs in and throwing parties in our home while we were both away).  My partner actually tried to lie to me about it and say the daughter's friend just stayed over for dinner or spent the night here and there, which was already bad enough to me, but his daughter and the friend were posting on social media about how they finally were officially roommates and loved living in our house.  So these girls were outright taunting me on social media and, meanwhile, my partner was making them dinner and doing their dishes and letting them live in our house like the three of them were a big, happy family.  I was furious and devastated.  Once it became clear that I would be back from work and this girl was still living there and refusing to leave, he actually wanted me to be okay with living not only with his horrible daughter, but also her just-as-bad friend, and I had never felt so disrespected and cast aside by him before in my life.  I told him that I was disgusted with him and I could not believe how ignorant he was and that now there were two hateful teenage girls calling the shots in our home above me and I was done with it.  I do not like ultimatums, but I told him that he either moved the other girl AND his daughter (then 19) out of our home, or I was never coming back to it and I was done with him. 

We fought bitterly about it for 4 miserable months, but I stuck to it and refused to see him, and he moved them both out.  Now he has to "help them" with rent and groceries and he still pays his daughter's phone, internet, cable, car insurance and random things, and he is paying for her to attend college courses that she keeps failing over and over, but she is not in my face and we do not have combined finances, so I do not care.  His daughter gets so mad when I am there (I am away for work about 1/3 of the year and living with her father the other 2/3 of the year) because he spends his money doing things with me and not buying her extra stuff, but she is a 20-year-old adult now and I do not care.  She always has money to buy drugs and alcohol and always has new tattoos and piercings and fake nails, but cannot buy her own groceries, and it's not my problem.  If my partner wants to enable her to be a drug addicted loser, I do not care.  All of her failures do not surprise me in the least.  She grew up being taught that it was okay to abuse people, lie, and be lazy, and daddy will still get the tab for her.  I didn't start out so cold towards her, but I am certainly cold towards her now.  I view her in the same light as I view any other abuser.

When I am home for my 2/3 of the time, she is not allowed in our house at all and my partner agreed to only take her out to a short dinner once every 2-3 weeks to "check in on her" when I am in town.  She has been separating me and my partner for years by refusing to give me a chance and making him leave me alone to be with her or run errands for her.  So now I do not feel bad at all for pushing her to the backburner to work on our adult relationship, especially now that she is 20-years-old.  I don't care what is going on with her, I don't respond when he brings her up, and I don't care what he does with her when I am away for work.  I've told him that if he has to have her over to the house for dinner or whatever when I am gone, to just make sure that he watches her at all times and that she is not allowed in our bedroom.  She has tried to rile me up by posting pictures of her and her friend outside of our house and pictures of her in our kitchen and another photo where she put flipping me off emojis over photos of me and my partner in our livingroom.  I see that she is jealous, pathetic and deranged.  Her posting those pictures also showed me that my partner is not letting her in our actual bedroom, though (she often tried to go in there by saying she wanted to use our ensuite bathroom), because she would have certainly used those pics if she had them.  She is an idiot.

When she first moved out, she tried to make up excuses to come over all of the time for the first month to mess with me and told my partner that she was "heartbroken" about not being allowed back in our home.  He made her stay out in the driveway every time and told her that she had no reason to come into our home anymore while I was there, since she claims to hate me so much and has never said a kind word to me.  He tried to guilt me a little bit and said, "Oh, my daughter isn't allowed in my own home now?" but I was unmoved.  I told him to tell her that she is welcome in our home when she can look me in the eyes, say my name, and apologize for trying to poison me, for mocking me for being sex trafficked, for pretending to be another woman sleeping with her own father, and everything else.  He dropped it after that, though she apparently still complains constantly that she isn't allowed in.  He is paying for her to have 'her own place' to do drugs in and throw parties in, so she can stay over there, in my opinion.  She doesn't need to come back over to our home to show everyone how much she hates me.  We've all seen it enough, thanks.  They both still manage to do and say ignorant things to me every once in a while, and I overhear things sometimes, but it's like I have an entirely new and better life now that she isn't living with us, and my partner is a million times better now that she isn't living with us and she isn't in his face every day.  

The past year has been the happiest of our relationship because his daughter isn't around me and isn't there to constantly attempt to ruin every moment in our lives.  I feel better about my partner because he finally put me first and takes it seriously when I say NO to things with her.  Looking back, I'm not sure how I survived 5 years of living in him and his daughter's disturbing dynamic, but I feel like my life this past year is finally what I had hoped it might be.  When he brings up potentially "fixing" things between me and his daughter, I just firmly remind him that his daughter that he created with another woman is not my problem, we are all adults now, and he is free to see his children on his own, without me, and that putting me in an abusive situation with people who hate me and treat me badly is a NO.  I have no desire to interact with her ever again. 

My partner also has an older son, but we rarely ever see him, thankfully.  He calls up every few months to scam money off of my partner and is a drug addict who cannot hold down a job, and he lives with his mom, far enough away that visiting doesn't often happen.  Apparently the son also hates me, but I have only seen him for a few minutes out of the past 6+ years and barely spoke to him, though I have always been polite.  I'm happy with never seeing him again either.

I still live a bit in fear of either of his kids moving back in with us, which is why I will never sell my other home.  And I doubt that we will ever get legally married at this point because I do not want to be financially tied to each other.  Right now I am fine with him spending thousands of dollars a month to spoil his disgusting grown daughter and pay all of her and her friend's bills, but I would not be fine with it if we were actually married or I felt that I personally was having to contribute to that user in any way.  He had to cosign for their apartment and pay the deposit and cosigned to get her a credit card that she immediately maxed out and hasn't paid on for over a year now.  I'm very financially minded and that is the sort of thing that I would not be able to tolerate if it involved my money.

I guess that my biggest challenge of the moment is how much I hate that his daughter still comes over to our house when I am away for work and how uncomfortable I am to leave things there (I take photos of everything that I own before I have to leave, every time, and most of my valuables stay in my own, separate home).  I also keep waiting for the next blowup with one of the kids.  The apartment my partner got her and her friend is also uncomfortably close to our actual home together - only a couple streets away and I could literally walk to it in under 10 minutes.  So she's still too close.  Still, it is a vast improvement over actually living with the nightmare, and I love my partner for not letting her into our house around me.  Other than all of that, I'm still honestly just processing all of the horrible things that she has done to me and that my partner allowed to happen.  I'm not really 'over' what she has done and said to me over the years, and I don't really want to forgive or forget.  

I do love that she is now having to realize that yes, I am valid in her father's life and I do have a say in how things go, and that I can even say no to her.  I am finally starting to feel secure and heard by my partner.

Anyhow, that is me and the general idea of my story thus far and why I am here.