Or, say yes.  It depends on the behavior of the Skid and the BM.

In the situation you describe... the answer is no.

Repeatedly.

IMHO of course.

Wait what?  I'm hoping you have cameras all over your house and sexual predator SD knows she is on camera at all times?!? HTF do you allow that child in your home around your children?!? FBI claimed this was just a curious child...TF...it must be drink o clock on Stalk!!! 

The FBI investigated a case of sexual abuse that happened between siblings in their own home? Was there something more to the initial complaint that would justify FBI involvement? What is your DH doing to protect all of the younger sisters now? If the girl has not had any therapy, why does anyone think the abuse has stopped?

The skid molested her sisters? This one is too easy. When DH asks if they can stay an extra day, you say no and remind him that it's not safe for the other children in the house and you can't take another day of the stress of constant vigilance. Frankly, I'd be reluctant to take her EOWE with a sexual abuse incident and no subsequent therapy. Why hasn't your H taken BM to court to get an order that would allow him to get SD the help she needs?

Child services and authorities said nothing was found in regards of abuse

Nothing was found in regards to SD12 being abused, or in regards to her abusing her siblings?

She wouldn't be allowed in my home but I'm a bitch like that.

She shouldn't be allowed in your home period. Let alone any extra days. Especially with younger siblings. If DH misses her so much, then he can meet up with her at a park, get dinner, any neutral place AWAY from you and your kids. You are protecting your own children and should not feel like a villian because of it. 

Even in "non-abuse" situations, I tell my husband no sometimes when he asks about extra days. I'll say "well I already have plans and am going to be doing ______. So up to you if you want to be home and babysit that's fine, but I won't be here." He then realizes the responsibilites fall on him and then in turn tells BM no. 

I would put my foot down that SD cannot be there unless you have proof and are involved in counseling with her and that DH will fight for custody of his other child because BM is being neglectful by not addressing this kids issues therefore placing the younger child I'm danger 

What, WAIT a minute.

You allow her inside your home with your bios?

Heck no.

YOUR obligation is to your bio's and your bios only. Your obligation is to protect them.

Are you scared you cant tell dh NO visits inside our home when MY kids are here.

Resurfacing memory.  Something I have not thought about in decades.

In a few weeks I will be 57.  I have never thought of myself as,or considered myself to be, a victim of molestation or child sexual abuse.

But... I suppose I am.

When I was about 7-ish, the 15ishyo son of family friends molested me.  For an entire weekend.  It was not violent, or notably traumatic. My memories of it are that is was very playful.  There was no penetration or oral sex though he did attempt both.  I do not recall the reason why I was staying with them over the weekend.

There were a few other events at their home that my family attended though no more physical contact with him.

I never mentioned any of it to my parents.

With the increasing exposure of the frequency of molestation, I am of the opinion that these kinds of kids need to be removed from society as they represent a risk to some of the most vulnerable people.

We have friends whose son is in a residential ranch facility due to his penchant for sexually molesting kids in his schools.  In all likelihood he will be there until he is 21 and will go on the sexual predator list for his entire pre-adult and adult life.

I am fine with that.

In hind site, my own molester should have been put away for life.

IMHO kids who molest younger kids should be tried as adults.  When they hit 18  they move to big people prison and they stay there.

Adults who molest children, should be subject to the death penalty.

A parent who knows that their child has been molested by an older child and who does not purge the evil sick kid from any contact with their young children and purge the sick pervy kid from their life and the life of their children.... well..... That parent should be subject to consequences for facilitating the molestation of their own child.

IMHO of course.

I suppose I am fortunate that I have not suffered any long term effects of that weekend.  That I am aware of anyway.

I'm sorry, but without therapy (and even with, I'm not sure I'd have her) that child would not be setting foot in my home. Your DH can see her elsewhere. I absolutely LOATHE how everyone seems to be making light of the situation. Why hasn't anyone put themselves in the molested children's shoes?! At least one has been taken out of her reach but she also molested the sister who is still forced to live with her! Good grief! Can you imagine what her life is like? I don't care if she seems attached to her sister or not (it's not uncommon for a victim to feel that way about their abuser) she shouldn't be served up to her like that. She also needs therapy. I can't believe that this is not being taken seriously!

Put your foot down NOW ... therapy or she doesn't get to come back. This is a hill to die on.

Aside from all the other issues, sticking to a parenting schedule is about upholding boundaries. If children see that it's laissez-faire, and BM also, it just opens the door for getting taken advantage of. Give an inch, take a mile. Which in turn will wreak havoc on your mental and physical health via stress. I'm LTD right now. Especially as someone who thrives with a schedule and planning and knowing how my day-day, week-week, month-month life should be going, I am not a fan of last minute change of plans. And some people can't be 100% all the time and need to create the time for a recharge (I do), I even say no to family and friends if thats my relax time. Just say no. No, no, no,no. 

There was an investigation regarding sexual molestation and no one is in therapy? I agree with the posters on here that your DH and his ex are glossing over this too much. I would not let that girl step a toe into the home where your children live. The fact that is ex lost custody of her other child to that child's father is extremely telling as courts are often not in favor of separating children from parents. They see reason to. CPS is a backlog where they often cannot handle the volume and troubled kids fall through the cracks. As stepmother to a 12-year-old myself, I want to stress that the behavior your SD is showing is extremely dangerous. This not normal, it will not be improved upon by any sort of discipline or structure in your home, and it's putting everything at risk, down to your marriage. As many of us will tell you, parenting even a well-behaved preteen can get intense on some days and what you describe is far outside of this realm. Professional intervention is needed not just with therapy, but with the courts as well. In this case, there is a precedence for removing your younger SD from the home and having her with you, if you are amenable to that. Then an agreement needs to be between DH and his ex regarding your older SD. She should not be in a home with any other children and should be staying with her BM while she attends therapy. If he wants to see her, she can have supervised visits with the family, no overnights, or he can see her, something like that.

In short, don't feel bad about pushing back. She shouldn't be there at all right now for the safety of your children. Remember that you have a case where the BM has lost custody due to the situation of her home and this will help you guys should you decide to rearrange the custody agreement. Protect your kids. And as hard as it is to hear it, I echo what Winterglow said in that this is a hill to die on.