SD Converses with DH About Going to a Strip Club
So...long time, no stalking.
The holidays bring out the step-dread, though.
This weekend, we had a small, outdoor meal with two other couples. Both couples are childless by choice. We're also all in an industry that requires frequent testing in order to work and/or is having people work exclusively from home, so DH and I felt safe having this gathering.
Welp. On his way out the door to pick up some final ingredients for the meal, DH says: "SD (20) and SS (22) are coming!!!" like it's just the most fantastic thing ever.
So many frustrations:
1.) SD waits tables and is always talking about going to this bar or that bar and singing karaoke. SS is in school and in the reserves, so he's around 1000 people every other weekend. Fine...it's their life and they're young and the least at risk...but I think it's kind of rude to invite people for a socially distanced event with other remote workers / frequently-tested workers and then spring your little Petri dish offspring on everyone at the last minute.
2.) As I mentioned, these couples are childless by CHOICE, and we've NEVER hung out with any of them as a family. My guess is none of them has ever even seen OSD. SS and YSD are more familiar to them...but what grown-up wants to hang out with some unknown 20 and 22 year old when they thought they were going to a couples dinner party?! Just rude and weird, DH. Rude and weird.
3.) Once we're at the picnic table eating, it's just so awful and awkward. DH is flanked on each side by a kid, and YSD especially is trying to be "impressive" to the grownups in ways that only make her look ridiculous. At one point she started talking to DH about her "first visit to the strip club" and I wanted to sink into the ground. The other couples were all looking at each other like...WTF??!! So uncomfortable. DH looked uncomfortable too...but he didn't tell her to knock it off!!! He just kind of laughed uncomfortably and made a little joke meant to divert the conversation...but oblivious YSD just plowed right ahead, talking about choosing which stripper to go talk to and how nervous she was. I'm sure she thought she sounded so cool and sophisticated.
Anyhow. Small gripe...first annoying meal of the season, I suppose. Thank goodness they both took off as soon as they'd stuffed their faces.
I genuinely don't get how DH can possibly think other grown-ups who aren't related to him want to share a meal with his weird kids...it's beyond delusional.
Also, it was probably mean but later in the evening we were watching a comedy projected on our house and there's this bit where the receptionist is on the phone sharing details of her sex life and then says: "I've got to go! The boss just walked in. Bye dad!"
At that line I said: "Oh. YSD could play that part!" and the other people laughed but DH ignored me. I know I'm horrible.
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Comments
I love how you can laugh at
I love how you can laugh at the ridiculousness.
Lol.
Lol.
It IS ridiculous, right? I mean...I'm not crazy...?
Your DH must have wanted to
Your DH must have wanted to crawl under that table, maybe this wonderful display will deter him for future invites to friends only dinner parties.
We can only hope...but
We can only hope...but somehow I doubt it.
Whenever we hang out with YSD...afterward DH gets so depressed about her life and wants to have long conversations about what "we" can "do" about her. How can we get her back on track? Help her get motivated?
I gray rock the heck out of these talks. Lots of "MmmmmHmmm" and "hmmmm" and glazed eyes on my side of the conversation.
No guardrails on skids part.
No guardrails on skids part. Jesus Mary Joseph.
Not dinner party conversation.
She's really difficult right
She's really difficult right now. She's going through this phase where she's trying to be VERY grown up...by which I mean completely inappropriate at all times.
I'd be furious if I attended
I'd be furious if I attended what I thought was a safe gathering and then the host invited his two young adult children. Honestly, I'd probably never do anything with them again, if I didn't just outright make an excuse to leave. So rude, and he put both of those couples (and you) at risk.
I agree.
I agree.
It was outdoors and I know a lot of people feel safer outdoors. Far more worried about YSD than SS. He's in school, where they're being incredibly careful. The army is also careful, as you might imagine. He basically goes to school and studies at home / stays isolated.
YSD bar hops and does karaoke and talks about it constantly...even though she's just turned 20.
Ultimately...they were there a grand total of 30-40 minutes all outdoors at a large table...so the risk was likely minuscule. Still rude. And the risk of awful dinner conversation was through the roof...
Outdoor is better for sure,
Outdoor is better for sure, but in some areas, the covid rate is so high that it's still a risk. It really depends where you are, and what your risk level is - they should have been given that choice.
Completely agree with you.
Completely agree with you.
Honestly, I didn't even really think about the COVID thing until I started writing the post and it occurred to me. We've been very distanced and, when we can't be due to work, we get tested up to 3X per week (union requirements).
Friends are in the same business and get tested. Other couple is in the same business and switched to 100% work from home back in March. And worked on one of our projects recently and got the weekly testing.
So in all likelihood NONE of these 6 people have been exposed...or if they have been somewhere, they haven't contracted it.
No telling with YSD and SS.
If I'd been in their shoes, I
If I'd been in their shoes, I think I'd have made an excuse and left. When you go to great lengths to protect yourself and others around you, it isn't easy to accept an invitation like the one they did so, adding two other completely unknown risk factors to the mix would have been more than I would have stood for. Also, I'm not known for my diplomacy so your DH would have been in little doubt about why I was leaving.
I was with my higschool
I was with my higschool boyfriend from 16-21. I was with him and his friends all the time. Yes, I went to a strip club a few times. NOT A CHANCE IN HELL I would have discussed that in front of my father or another group of adults who were friends with my parents. WEIRD!! That does not make you look "cool" to adults. Ekkk.
Right??!!
Right??!!
I was so thoroughly grossed out. I would never in a million years have talked about anything like that with my dad. Yuck, yuck, yuck.
Exactly.. YUCK!!
Exactly.. YUCK!!
My husband works in essential services and is very high up in
His company.
so image means everything even with family. When ss was 15.5 he goes to sit on a chair and completely tips the whole sofa bed over, hubby in front of family told him off what the hell was wrong with him because he was such an embarrassment and ss laughed it off.
being embarrassing to others but still getting attention means more to these people.
sd's are at every meet or family function glued to hubby like 1 sd on each side and they are 25 & 15. Meanwhile his wife and Then 1.5yr old son and 2.5 yr old daughter can't be with hubby because sd's are glued to him. Its so pathetic and a major turn off that I cannot be with my husband. Miniwives are horrible
(No subject)
I would rather die than talk
I would rather die than talk to my dad about a strip club. Eww.
I can't begin to express how
I can't begin to express how awkward and uncomfortable it was.
I was so embarrassed for and by YSD.
DH has a weird, sad thing about wanting his kids to come over when we have friends over. We work in a pretty hip/artistic industry, and sadly I think he wants his kids to see his cool friends. It's pathetic. Also...the kids don't think the friends are cool...they come grab a bite and leave to do their own stuff.
Once, pre-COVID, we were with this same group of friends plus a few others at our house playing this game called THINGS. Not sure if you've ever played it, but it gets inappropriate (and hilarious) really quickly.
Suddenly, YSD walks through the door and DH says: "Hey everyone!! Look who showed up!!!" Like we're all just supposed to be jumping for joy that his kid is there.
People were nice, of course, but it was ridiculously awkward and no fun bc we had a 19-year-old there with a bunch of 32-49 year olds. Again, fortunately she stayed for a few snacks and drinks and played maybe 3 rounds, then headed out. Mercifully short visit. But the mood of the room noticeably shifted when she showed up unannounced at DH's secret invitation...it's like DH is totally blind to these things.
He's just in his seat in the corner while the game's going on... texting his daughter to come over while we're all present and having fun...thinking it's going to be some great surprise for us?
Anyway. I mention it because when I was voicing my frustration about it to one of the friends I said something like: "Sorry. I'm probably making too big a deal of it and am the only one who thinks it's weird and inappropriate."
Then she said: "No...this happened that time we were playing Things, and I remember thinking it was really weird and inappropriate then. I was really uncomfortable with it and couldn't play anything funny while she was there."
So good to know I'm not insane.
How cringeworthy. I have
How cringeworthy. I have often cringed at the SDs' conversations, but there is no way that DH would have invited them to this sort of event with our friends, and if he had done I would have probably vetoed it. Especially atm with covid etc.
Yep. It was all the worst. I
Yep. It was all the worst. I try not to be unreasonable...but sometimes I think my husband takes advantage of that.
He really didn't give me a chance to veto because he didn't tell me anything about it until 15 min before they showed up. So at that point...my choices were to make a big deal out of it and cause a scene in front of guests...or go along and hope that the skids would leave quickly after eating (which experience has taught me is a safe bet). I chose the second option, and they did clear out the second they'd shoveled in the last forkful.
But yeah. The right thing for DH to have done would have been asking/bringing it up much, much earlier in the day and giving me a chance to agree or voice objections.
Good grief
I would be so angry if I was invited to a careful socially distanced gathering and some one added gate crashers. I've been so careful for all these months. It would wind me up badly if someone took the decision away from me.
I've had a friend reach out to see if I want to meet up for post lockdown drinks. Its taken alot of self control to make up an excuse and not shout "No, you have constantly flouted the lockdown rules, been jetting off all over Europe and taking, what are for me, unacceptable risks. Why would you think I want to take a chance of being infected by spending an evening in your company?". To be honest, I don't even want to do a zoom call.
Yep.
Yep.
Again...as I mentioned above I didn't really think about that aspect of the invite until much later, when I was writing this blog.
I do still think it was safe because we were outdoors, the table is pretty large, and they stayed for such a short time. But even so...really rude and inconsiderate.
I'll add this too. Every year
I'll add this too. Every year (not this year because of covid) SOs friend's wife puts together a dinner. We go to the same place, everyone pays for their own meals (fixed menu) and it's BYOB. Normally 25/30 adults. The past two years SOs friends wife had her two nieces come. They are late teens now I believe. One still in high school one 2nd year of college now.
I thought it was weird. It's suppose to be an adult night out why were they there. Their mom/dad (SOs friends wife's sisters kids) weren't invited so why were they?? No one else had their kids naturally because it's an adult thing!
I can't help but feel like
I can't help but feel like people who do this at a friends only event...are somehow making a pathetic attempt to impress the kids.
I have 1 niece and 6 nephews who I adore and make an effort to spend time with...on their terms. Things THEY like to do. I'd never foist them on anyone in this way...because I don't need them to see me in my adult world and think I'm hip.
Yeah I really have no idea
Yeah I really have no idea the thought process behind them coming. And they are Kylie Jenner wannabes (how they dress) so it's a little obnoxious.
My SD says inappropriate things, too
My SD59 says inappropriate things, too. My DH shuts her down, "I don't want to hear about it!" Of course, she goes on for awhile til he has to say it again. Many times, its her blissfully describing some of her extra-marital adventures ( DH is still fond of her ex). She just has no sense of what's appropriate to discuss with him. I think it's one more instance of boundary stomping.