I am new here and do not quite know the lingo, but I feel like i need some support. And I'm sorry this is long....4 years ago, my husband and I met. He had two daughters, and I had a son. Him and his ex had the girls in high school. When my husband and I met, they were divorced and the kids were 2 and 10 months old. 3 months into mine and his relationship, his older daughter came to my house with a complete circle cigarette burn beneath her armpit. Her mother claimed she tripped over someone smoking. I took pics and told my now husband to take her to the doc to get it checked out because it looked rough. It was reported. Dhs came. Nothing came of it. Then a month later, The older daughter being 3. She came to my house and told her dad that her privates hurt because her mommys new boyfriend touched her down there. We took her to the hospital. The hospital said her hole was bigger than normal, but it was inconclusive to there being abuse. The hospital reported it. Dhs came. Nothing came of it. At this point my husband and baby momma had joint custody. During this time, she expected my husband to pick up the kids after he got off work at 3 am every thursday. I remember making these trips with him. We would be going from one house to another trying to figure out whos house she is staying at. There was points when we found one daughter, but couldnt find the other daughter and their mother. It was a mess. I told my husband that it was insane the way they do that. So that came to a stop due to some advice i gave my husband. Him and i did get married maybe six months after we met. Which seems fast but it was fate i guess. And i love those girls with every fiber of my being to this day. Well anyway, so i became pregnant which brought our family to 6. In the divorce papers that the girls biomom and my husband had the girls addresses was with him and they go to school where he lives. So when the oldest girl started preschool, the bio mom would have to drive 45 mins one way. So she started leaving the girls with me. They would only see her a couple times a month because their mom wouldnt show up. And everytime i made the trip to her, she would call me when i was halfway there and say she couldnt get them. There was one day when I was on the phone with the biomom and asked her if she wanted to tell the eldest daughter, who was 4 at the time and she told her over the phone. And i have never seen a girl so heartbroken. She hung up on her mom and bawled her eyes out. It broke my heart. That was the night she started calling me mom. I have always told these girls they can call me anything. Everytime the eldest wouldnt get to see her mom for extended periods of time she would act out at school or at home. So my husband and i talked about it and we decided we were going to take her to court. They would come back dirty and gross if they went over there. always had lice. Even the older daughters teacher could tell when she came from her mothers or has been from our house. We gathered evidence and took her to court and won. She gets them two weekends a month and 20-25 days out of the summer and some holidays. Then there was an incident where the eldest daughter came home and was at my mother in laws house with her cousin. My motherinlaw made them lay down for a nap, and went on about cleaning up the house. My mother in law went to check on them 15-20 mins later to find my eldest stepdaughter teaching her female cousin to (im sorry this is gross but its the only way i know to say it) eat each other out. THESE KIDS ARE 4.When we spoke to them about it my step daughter said that she learned it from her mommy and her boyfriend because she sleeps in bed with them when they do that. She also informed us that its okay its what girlfriends do to each other. I WAS DISTRAUGHT. I started pushing for therapy. We could not sign her up for therapy without her bio moms approval according to the papers. So it was put off.... So i started doing things like a safe circle with the kids where we talk about our feelings without actually asking questions.... i do the best i can. I reported the incident but nothing came of it.... all that crap....  And even though we want her to feel like a normal kid, she doesnt get to spend the night or have alone time with cousins like that anymore. So anyway, bio mom said that happened with a girl cousin at her house to and bio mom said it was me and my husband teaching her that, which i know is 100 percent not true. After that we didnt have any sexual incidents go on with her for a while. I mean we had to deal with bio mom switching boyfriends and houses, and losing jobs and having car problems. blah blah... but we always worked with her because the girls would be heartbroken without seeing their mother. Well lets fast forward. My eldest stepdaughter is now 6. She has a good schedule, shes healthy, shes happy, we've been doing pretty good. Their mom came out as a lesbian in march. I have no issues with that. Then the day before open house for school, She comes home with a HUGE hickey on her neck, and bio mom says its all her x sister in laws fault. Apparently a female cousin over there who is the same age as my stepdaughter, and my stepdaughter decided to suck each others necks. Well bio mom talks to me about the whole thing, and i told her that these girls need therapy. She responds to this by saying that she doesnt trust people talking to her kid alone. Then she goes on a whole spiel about how my oldest stepdaughter throws tantrums and threatens to kill her self over there, which she has NEVER done here. So we made a plan where my husband and i would go talk to my stepdaughter with bio mom and her girlfriend there, so we can show a united front. So we showed up there and she blows it off like it is nothing. She acted like it was no big deal and she said she wouldnt report the incident. I did. Then we brought the girls home and my oldest stepdaughter goes on and on about how her and this other little girl did that because her mom and her moms girlfriend suck necks on the couch without undies on and sometimes, my stepdaughter is left alone with this man that randomly lives with all of them over there sometimes and he is always drunk. This has been 4 years of this crap. My stepdaughter talks to her school counselor, and we are working to override bio moms no to therapy. But how am i suppose to deal????? I feel like my anxiety is off the charts and i feel like all this stuff is an extreme no no.. I just feel like my husband and I are the only ones that care. I feel like something is going on. Am I crazy here???