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How to react?

gaviotas's picture

Submitted by gaviotas on Wed, 09/09/2020 - 3:21pm

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General Discussion

Last week was my birthday, and I received no greetings from SD.  She never greeted me in the last 10 years.She is 15 now and more mature, but she still ignores me. I am not going to make a scene, but I had the wrong feeling, that sooner or later her attitude was going to change. I was wrong. 

DH is not supportive in this matter, he thinks SD needs to do whatever she feels. I said ok, but don´t expect anything from me in the future. If she prefers not to greet, I will not prepare her meals, do the laundry, or clean her room. I only ask for a little respect.

So tired of this misrespect.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Wed, 09/09/2020 - 4:08pm

Doing what you feel goes both ways.  Rude people are not welcome, so do what you feel and when DH takes exception quote his bullshit back to him and tell him that you will continue to act as his failed family progeny makes you feel so he can STFU or fix his nasty spawn.

Keep it simple.

Dogmom1321's picture

Submitted by Dogmom1321 on Wed, 09/09/2020 - 4:25pm

Yep - agree with the above! It goes both ways! DH should have zero expectations from you since you should also "do as you feel." He can be on his own for getting SD presents from now on. 

Merry's picture

Submitted by Merry on Wed, 09/09/2020 - 4:30pm

"Do whatever she feels." So, basic manners don't apply to her? Amd does this extend to school and her teachers? And other family members/friends? Or is it just YOU that she can be rude to because she "doesn't feel like" being nice.

She doesn't need to organize a parade for you, and I wouldn't even worry about a birthday greeting at all. But basic polite behavior (saying hello and goodbye, for example) is a minimum requirement.

If it's ok for her to ignore you, it's also ok for you to ignore her. Your DH needs to be completely responsible for her, including remembering her birthday and any associated gift buying. I hope he's already doing that, but if not you should definitely step out of that role.

My DH routinely forgets his kids' birthdays. Eh. Not my circus, not my monkeys.

gaviotas's picture

Submitted by gaviotas on Wed, 09/09/2020 - 5:17pm

sure, I will really disengage. SD has a mother and a father, they can fullfill her needs and expectations. I will only be a witness. Thanks for your wise advice.

gaviotas's picture

Submitted by gaviotas on Wed, 09/09/2020 - 5:21pm

Thanks! really great words. And I guess also you were able to avoid the sweet 16 party? That must have been magnificent.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Wed, 09/09/2020 - 6:38pm

I would not react, at all.

My SD29 has never gone out of her way to wish me happy birthday (I've been in her life since she was 5) and it's never bothered me. I've never even thought about it, really. My birthday is only important to me (and not really that much), to my dad (and let's face it, it just reminds him how old he's getting), and to my DH (because he likes spoiling me).

The birthday thing is the least of your issues. It's her blatant disrespect for you, the fact that she outright ignores you, even when you are speaking to her, that is the real problem.

Winterglow's picture

Submitted by Winterglow on Thu, 09/10/2020 - 1:02am

Is she like this only with you or with the rest of the world  (family, friends, shop assistants, teachers, etc.) too?

gaviotas's picture

Submitted by gaviotas on Thu, 09/10/2020 - 1:00pm

she is only nice and communicative with some friends at school (2 or 3), cousins same age, grandma and father. She is ignoring the rest including SSs, SB, other relatives. She has a very difficult personality but she is very clever and has very good grades. 

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Thu, 09/10/2020 - 1:33pm

Is this the one you posted about in 2013? The one who peed herself and was really dificult?

So shes not peeing herself anymore, thats good. And shes not really selective about who she is rude to. So its not about you personally...

But, 15 is plenty old enough to do for herself. She can vaccum herself and clean her own room and make her own food.

Or DH can kowtow if he wants to.

Thisisnotus's picture

Submitted by Thisisnotus on Thu, 09/10/2020 - 2:05pm

I don't cook or clean up after skids and I don't even think about if they told me Happy Birthday.....I don't even know if they have wished me a happy birthday....maybe they have? Lol  I guess it's just not on my radar....but I have 3 teens of my own and our toddler....and a full time job.....and a lazy DH who enables skids and BM....so maybe I have too much going on to notice haha