Random question - EX W and same last name

This is super random and doesn't bother me much, but someone else's post got me thinking.

DH has two ex wives with children.

The 1st never to this day got remarried. The kids have both been married and divorced themselves so late 20's early 30's age wise kids.Their mom has never changed her name.

2nd ex remarreid and took new guy's name.

Would you offer to pay to have 1st ex change her last name? LOL random I know...but why wouldn't she have at this point? I think it's like $100 bucks.

I hate when you google search she comes up under my relatives, but that would probably happen regardless I know.

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The only way I'd change my

The only way I'd change my name would be if someone offered to go through the hassle of changing my name on bills, deed, titles, driver's license, etc. The money part isn't even an issue for me. It's just a pain in the arse to change names on everything.

I don't begrudge women for not wanting to change their names back after they get divorced. Now, get divorced, remarried, divorced AGAIN, and THEN change your last name back to your XH's last name? Lunatic move.

I think you might be

I think you might be referring to a comment I made. I honestly don't love that his ex chose to keep his last name after the divorce "for SD". I also decided when we got married not to take his last name b/c of that. I don't want to be the second Mrs. XYZ and his last name is very common. I added a hyphen and his last name to mine when we married but haven't changed it everywhere yet. I like my maiden name better. I hope when BM gets married this time (if they make it to the alter) that she does change her last name to her new husband's but I wouldn't offer her money to change it. I know she keeps it "for SD" and she is nuts so there is that.

So, when I first was divorced

So, when I first was divorced, I decided to go back to my maiden name. Within days of the divorce being final, Asshat got remarried. Within days of that, my daughter, who was then 9, came home all upset that people at school would think that Money-Ka was her mother since I no longer had the same last name as my kids, but she did. I explained to her that of course people at school would know I was her mom, since they had known me since we first started at that school, but she wasn't having any of that It was really important to her, and it was way more important to her than it was to me.

I went straight back to Court to petition the judge to reinstate my married name. He suggested that I append it to my maiden name, which I did. I didn't want to, but I did. Because it was important to my kids.

Your putting for SD in quotes gives off the vibe that you don't believe that's why it was done. I am here to tell you that it matters to the kids, even if it doesn't matter to you. I have never understood why women get so bent out of shape about what other women do with their last names.

I put it in quotes "for SD" b

I put it in quotes "for SD" b/c the BM in my case makes everything as a "for SD" reason. I don't buy it. SD was 2 when they divorced and hadn't started school yet. In your case, yes, that makes sense and I believe it was for your daughter. In my case I do not for one second believe that is why it was done. My ODS has a different last name and has never thought that kids wouldn't know I was his mommy!

Each case is different. BM wants to keep DH's last name that is fine. I want to keep mine. I don't want the same last name as BM b/c I don't want that association to her. She is not a nice person.

I couldn't care less what BM

I couldn't care less what BM's name is.

I didn't change my name when I married DH. I wanted to share a last name with my own child, not someone else's kids.

Keeping the same last name as

Keeping the same last name as your own kids' seems to be the prevailing view.

I wonder if my toddler DD will later be bothered that she has her dad's name (my DH), but I never took it. He was cool with me keeping my maiden name, but giving it to our child in place of his own would have not gone over well, ha.

BM still has DH's last name.

BM still has DH's last name. When they got divorced, she made a big production about how she was going to change her name back, but she never did. DH pushed her to change it and she told him she couldn't because it was her "professional" name. I think that's BS, because I have plenty of friends who had well-established careers, who changed their name after divorce. Socially, she goes by her current "husband's" last name, but I don't think they ever legally got married, so it would be a pain for her to change her name without a marriage certificate. So, now she sort of has to keep DH's name to save face. She still shows up as a "relative" for DH and his family, but not for me. I never changed my last name (which drives DH crazy), so she does not show up as one of my relatives.

Well, imagine if your ex's

Well, imagine if your ex's new wife called and offered to pay for you to change your name?

I think this something you just have to accept and let go. She has a right to that name and whether or not you like probably doesn't matter to her (in fact, I can almost guarantee it doesn't matter to her).

BM here kept DH's name; I did not take his name for a lot of reasons, one of which is that I don't want to be associated with SS and BM

BM retained DH's last name,

BM retained DH's last name, but has made comments implying she may revert to maiden name when the kids are grown. It mildly bothers me that she shares his name while I don't, but I understand it from her side.

(That said - she hasn't changed her cell phone voicemail message in over 10 years, and it has her chirping "Hello, you've reached the [DH's lastname]s!" Uh, really?)

I was on the fence about changing my name. DH didn't feel strongly either way: he rather preferred a woman keeping her name and independent identity, and the thought of changing all accounts, etc., that I'd amassed by my early 30s was exhausting - so, I kept my name. It's quite an unusual name, as is his, and they sound similar in fact.
The SKs are slightly bothered by me not having the family name, and our DD has the family name. Maybe I'll change it eventually. But the thought of all that paperwork... ugh, probably not.

My DH prefers women keep

My DH prefers women keep their name too! I haven't met anyone else who says that their husband prefers that.

I never intended to change my name, for multiple reasons. BM having it was last on that list.

DH went to a college where

DH went to a college where the MRS degree was very sought-after for role status, rather than necessarily for a true partnership (viz., his first marriage) - so it may be a reaction!

But I agree. It's neither pro nor against feminist thinking: I've just been [my name] all of my life. It would feel strange to change it, like I'm not "me" anymore.

Yeah, he just dislikes the

Yeah, he just dislikes the tradition, as do I.

It's more than just a hundred

It's more than just a hundred dollars to change your name. If you don't ask to have your maiden name reinstated in the divorce the process you have to go through to change your name is ridiculous. You have to petition the courts, run ads in the local papers and then you have to pay the court fees and all the applicable paperwork. It's a pain in the a$$ especially if you have established your work and finances around your married name.

My mom never changed her last

My mom never changed her last name after my parents divorced because she wanted to keep the same name as her kids. She changed it when she re-married. I was ok with it I didn't care at that poing because I was 16 but when if I had been younger I would have probably not wanted her to. If the ex has had that name for long time it is just the name she is used to and everyone knows her by. It is a really big pain in the arse to change your last name when so many know you by your married. Hell I have been married almost 2 years and changed by name at that point and the one girl still refers to my maiden name. Really!

It is just a name it does nor really mean anything unless you give it meaning. I changed my name to husbands mostly for my DS, in his mind we all have that same last name that made us a family. I went through the pain in the arse process of getting it done. I will say if DH and I do not work out I will not go back to my maiden name because my kids will have my current last name.

My DH

Was the Dad that was at all events for my bios. Drove the soccer car pool, road the ROTC bus, went to every practice, meet, and banquet. I cannot tell you how many times people called him "Mr. Ex" name because that is the name my kids used. He never ever got upset by that. We'd both correct people but most would never remember. He always said the name wasn't important, the presence was. On days when he is plucking my last nerve I try to remember that.

My changed my last name back

I changed my last name back to my maiden name. It was a real pain, but I was never happy using exH's last name.

So I added that bit for the court, and exH came back with a requirement that I not change the last name of our kids. Which I had no intention of doing, but it gave me a nice negotiating point on something else. Because I'm clever like that.

When BM and DH divorced, she was going to keep his name, change to her maiden name, change to a new name, back and forth and back and forth. I never cared and I wasn't going to change my name anyway. By the time I married DH I was well established in my profession and changing credit cards, etc. was such a pain. DH was disappointed, but I point out that he didn't consider changing his name either.

No way would I fork over any money to BM to change her name, even if I was Mrs. DH.

Good for you. Men don't get

Good for you. Men don't get to be "disappointed" if they aren't willing to change their own name, either. It's just another male entitlement.

At this point she has

At this point she has established herself with the last name she has. I don't think she would change it. It would be one thing if she did it right after they divorced but she probably kept it to have the same last name as her kids- Can't blame her, I hate having a different name than my kids.

Now that her kids are grown she is know by that name. I can't blame her for not changing it now either. I have 2 ex Husbands and a total of 5 last names. It is a pain in the arse. Especially now that I am in the role that I am professionally. The fact that my office get's mail in my name with 3 last names is embarrassing as hell!

I'm in the same boat with the

I'm in the same boat with the multiple last names. My mother gave me her maiden name at birth, then I went by SF's name on documents, then I was married and divorced twice. After second divorce I legally changed my name to my bio fathers last name and finally DH wanted me to take on his name. So yeah, about 5 names. It's a b*tch talking to social security. One phone call entailed the lady exasperatedly asking me, "So what was your legal name at that time?" I had to explain how my SF's name was not really my legal name even though it was on all my documents, my marriage and divorces, bio father. It's a wonder they didn't investigate me. My mom set me on this track early. Men have no clue the hassle it is to change your legal name.

If I were BM, you'd have to pay me A LOT of money to consider that load of work just for someone elses sake.

I had my birth name, adopted

I had my birth name, adopted by Stepdad at 7 name, 1st married name, 2nd married name, back to 1st married name because my kids wanted me to have the same last name as them and now DH's.

I will literally never change my name again. I don't care what happens in life- this is my last, last name!

I will literally never change

I will literally never change my name again. I don't care what happens in life- this is my last, last name!

I am right there with you. Peole don't realize how many things you have to change your name for. I still have my 2nd ex's name on a few accounts since I havent gotten around to sending them legal documation of my name change. I changed all the important stuff but there the dozens of little things that are still on different names. I'll be Mrs. DH's name for the rest of my life. Luckily it's a nice name.

BM kept DH’s last name & it

BM kept DH’s last name & it doesn’t bother me at all. Changing your name is a total pain & I get wanting to have the same last name as your kids. Honestly if DH & I got divorced I doubt I’d change mine back either, I like my married name better. It feels more like ‘me’, which is weird, but it does. If a new wife offered to pay for me to change it I’d probably just laugh & tell her to keep her money, just like I’m keeping my name. Lol

names

When I married the first time I was thrilled to change my name. My first name was a variation of my last name and I didn't like the combination (Think Carol Carolson) So I changed my name (Carol Smith). Then DH died and I remarried. His last name was Carols. If I took his name I would be Carol Carols. No way I wanted to do that. So I am now Carol Smith Carols. It took DH2 a while to get used to the idea, but he did.

Whoever in the state office who does the name changes just kept adding names so my professional license now reads Carol Carolson Smith Carols. My kids say it sounds like the start of a bizarre nursery rhyme.

The changing everything was a pain. It took me a while. I waited to change my car title until I bought a new car which was five years later.

BM kept DH's last name after

BM kept DH's last name after she and DH divorced, so BM and I had the same last name for awhile (until she remarried, at which time she took her husband's name). While I did not like that we shared a last name, I would never have dreamed of offering to pay her to change her name. First, I sincerely doubt that anyone is keeping their ex's name because of the nominal cost to change it. Second, I would look ridiculous to BM and frankly, I'd feel ridiculous myself. I would not want her to think that I spent any time thinking about her or what last name she chose to use. Don't get me wrong - I was *thrilled* when she took her new husband's name, but not thrilled enough that I would have asked her to do it.

honestly since re marrying and changing my name I hate it. It doesn't feel like my name and I don't want it!