Question regarding Sole Custody versus joint custody
Forums:
1. What do MOST divorced people have Legal joint custody where BOTH parents have Equal say in major education/medical regarding children OR sole custody where ONE parent gets 100 percent say?
2. What would one parent have to do to make the judge Reverse legal joint custody and give full legal custody to one parent and just Visitation rights to the other parent?
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Most people have Joint
Most people have Joint custody, sole custody is rare nowadays.
I think the parent would have to prove the other parent is obstructing all decision-making or just has terrible judgment.
I know you are in NY - they are very mother-friendly, so if it's your DH hoping to get sole custody, I wouldn't count on it.
Yes in New York Unfortunately BUT
It's not DH who is trying to get Sole custody but BM. We are very Familiar with how New York State family court is mother friendly. Then add BM has the better Attorney.
A few years ago DH threw older step kid(mid teens) out for stealing and refused to let them back in intill BM would allow Consequences for the stealing and BM refused. BM is now playing the victim card for older step kid with the court and they seem to be buying it.
The family court judge is putting pressure on DH to just "forget" the stealing and act like it never happened and "forgive" older step kid. The judge went as far to say "what's going to happen if younger step kid steals? Are you going to toss them aside too?"
DH is fearful that the judge will give BM full Legal custody of younger stepson over this issue. Of course DH will still get the same "Visitation" but he will lose any say in Major medical or education.
So my question is could the judge do this based on what DH did?
We are also in NY, and BM
We are also in NY, and BM dragged out any custody resolution until DH gave her sole custody. He finally did.
He said, "she acts like she has sole custody anyway," - she made all decisions without ever consulting him. If your BM is the same way, might as well just give it to her and save some money.
WOW I totally totally agree
WOW I totally totally agree with Tog on this one.
We had the same thing.
Finally dh gave everyone (Bm and her kids) what they wanted....No meaningfull relationship and a huge child support check every month.
That was what is was about $$$$$$$$$
Agreeing with tog. If she is
Agreeing with tog. If she is already acting like she has sole custody, your DH may as well just give it to her.
But then he needs to HOLD HER TO IT.
She needs DH to take the kids to a doctor's appointment? No can do, BM. What happens if they need to ask a question? DH doesn't have legal authority to answer. Too bad, so sad BM.
She needs DH to enroll the kids in school? Nope, sorry. The CO says DH can't.
I would make sure that there are limits monetarily in the CO if he just gives in to her. She can make decisions about the kids, but your DH can't be 100% on the hook financially. No random private school or private college. No random medical expenses. He should probably work with his attorney to craft a CO where DH pays his share of in-network medical expenses, and his share of public schooling (or, if they are in private school, the rates at that or a similarly-priced school). Perhaps hitting her with that compromise and settling out of court would be sufficient.
ETA: Regarding the stealing, while I don't agree with the judge's "forgive and forget", I do think your DH needs to come up with something better that doesn't hinge on BM also providing consequences. That's not sustainable.
I can see how the court might
I can see how the court might see him kicking the kid out as him abdicating joint custody - joint custody means you deal with problems that happen and don't turn over parenting to the other parent. Sole custody means just visitation, which he can turn down.
OP, what would your DH do if the younger one has problems, will he kick him out? The whole thing doesn't really look good for him. BM can't control what consequences he gives the kid in his home.
Here is the problem...
Regarding OSS DH DID try and give Consequences since the stealing happened to us at our home. OSS refused the Consequences and called BM to come pick him up which she did. They had legal joint custody at the time. DH told BM OSS was NOT allowed back into our home until Consequences could be given by DH. Both BM and OSS refused. Instead BM took DH back to family court to get sole custody of BOTH kids. Basically it was BM's way of Threatening DH you can't have YSS without taking OSS back. BM's Tactic did not work and DH held his ground mostly because of me having the backbone and refusing to allow OSS back over till Proper consequences could be given. So the judge sided with BM and gave sole custody to BM.
Now for the question if YSS did the same thing as OSS. Number one YSS is super clingy/needy for DH. Probably because he saw what happened to OSS so that's making her super Sensitive so doubt he would cross the line as DH does not fool around. If DH for some reason allowed Delinquent behavior with no Consequences I would leave.
Wow
Be thankful your DH took your side on this one