Am I being unreasonable
My DH and I run a business together, we have a toddler and also now a new puppy. My DH has an 11 year old son who we have on weekends and a week night.
I understand that my DH is busy with the business, however I am working from home for the business which is everyday, three days of the week I have my daughter with me and two days my MIL has her. As you can imagine with a toddler and a puppy and me trying to do work, as well as train the puppy, spend time with my daughter, keep on top of the house work, cook meals etc it's been rather over whelming. The puppy was not my idea, it was my DH's idea, I love dogs but I know how hard it can be with training etc that I didn't want to add to my plate right now of stresses, however, DH assured me he would ne hands on with the pup, training etc. I knew I would be with her during the day as he is out of work, I compromised on the basis that he is involved during the evenings, helping with our daughter, the pup and also HIS son when we have him. Yet all that is happening is that he is mega busy with the business so basically I am left to deal! I have to juggle a million things, but he can't possibly do more than one thing. He doesn't watch the pup when he's at the computer, just leaves her to her own devices, which, whilst she is young, is not ideal due to toilet issues. He's been having a go at me about the fact that I've forgotten to do some things for the business but I just feel my brain is gonna explode!! Plus, we have to have a special set of rules it appears for his son, who is completely incapable of tidying up after himself, I just feel like I look after absolutely everyone in the house, yet when I kick off about it, I am being unreasonable because he's stressed?! You will see from previous posts about my SS who is also VERY hard work......hence my stress levels,
Telling him is like talking to a brick wall, does anyone have any advice on how to get through to him?
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You aren't being unreasonable
You aren't being unreasonable - but he's learned that he can do whatever he wants and you will pick up the pieces.
Do only what you have to do - don't take care of his son, don't cook meals (except for you and your daughter), don't clean the house - and honestly, re-home the puppy.
You married a selfish person who isn't going to pull his weight.
Problem is i cant stand
Problem is i cant stand living in a messy house, it drives me insane & because of that I end up doing it. Also, I have grown so attached to the pup that i couldnt face rehoming her, but again, he gets away with it.
Maybe I should rehome DH.....
That's another option!
That's another option!
Can you afford to pay for someone to come in and clean? Definitely don't be cooking for DH or your SS or doing anything whatsoever for your SS.
Keep the puppy with you instead of counting on DH to watch him/her, clearly he won't.
I could possibly start paying
I could possibly start paying someone to clean, that's a really good idea, thank you. I have 100% disengaged from SS, I've been burned too many times in the past and gave up even trying. i'm just so frustrated and mad at myself really
I did this as I was driving
I did this as I was driving myself crazy cleaning. It's only every other month, but it's a deep clean. I relaxed my standards a bit but do NOT help anyone else. I'm not the maid.
NO
DH should be taking care of his DS and the puppy he wanted. Him dumping all of that on you is not fair
I found what worked for me in getting hubby to pull his weight
was state what i do everyday and start off with say 2 things.
for me i said kitty litter (as i was pregnant and its selfish for hubby and ss to make me do it because they ignored it) and laundry/trash. I told hubby plenty of times laundry has been done but i never got around to hanging it so if you come home and you can see its clean, just hang it...
they only take a few mins but they mean alot. After he got used to that i added another thing.
also the way you ask is never “can you, would you?” Because that implies its an option!!
you need to firmly say “I don’t care who does it between you and ss, but blah blah blah must be done. You aren’t stupid, you can see and take initiative because i hate lazy bums!!”
i knew hubby wouldn’t make ss who was 20 at the time do it because of all the drama and answering back and having to ask a million times but i knew one day hubby would have had a bad day at work and see what a lzy piece of shit son he had. Took about 10 months for that day and ss just hmmmed and looked at hubby confused but seeing my husband man up and parent crappy ss bwhaviour was so sexy to me!!
next day ss was told he had to vacuum all of downstairs whilst hubby was at work. When hubby messaged him to ask if it were done, my husband didn’t trust ss and asked me to confirm.
hubby doesn’t trust what his own kids say and comes to me to validate things.
if sd’s do something not in hubbys presence, hubby addresses it and doesn’t accuse me of making it up or lying...
Tell him you want, and will
Tell him you want, and will have, a level playing field where you both deal with your own responsibilities. You are going to start by rehoming the puppy (and don't listen to any of his excuses, you know he'll be lying). Then you are going to disengage from his son - completely. You are also going to hire a cleaner for your home. If he's not happy with this, tell him he can run the business single-handed then because you're going to get yourself a job that takes you out of the home.