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No one to talk to and dont want regrets.

Anniemorris's picture

Submitted by Anniemorris on Mon, 06/08/2020 - 3:24am

I live with my dp and my own dd who is 12. It is my dp house and is 2 bedroom only. 

Step daughter 21 moved out 8 months ago to live with her grandfather, and slso because she was being reluctant to fund proper work, and how messy she was and lazy was just causing big arguments between her and my dp. 

In this time shes moved in with a boyfriend and has had to go on the sick with her current job she says its her diabetes and no shes never been any goid with it.... Everyone else is at fault not her.

But because she wasn't in the job long she cannot claim ssp. So shes got no money..... And ling and short of it is that she wants to move back..... 

We no longer have the room for her as we have moved the house around..... She is currently on the sofa bed in the back room of the house, which we all have to walk through to get to garden kitchen toilet etc...... 

My dp will not talk about it he justvkeeps saying shes my daughter i wint see her on the streets.... Which i do agree with but.... 

Shes been here one night and the room is a shit hall already, she said herself today she needed to speak to the doctor but has yet to get outvof bed. 

And because she is here all the time and my daughter does go to see her dad, i got a funny feeling that he will say they have to swop around..... But then how is that fair on my daughter?.

And also we had hell with her so dirty and messy and lazy and i am worried that i will havecto go back to tidying up after her and all the arguments will start again........ 

So do i wait to see what will happen or do i just look for someplace for me and my daughter?

 

Comments

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Mon, 06/08/2020 - 4:59am

Well, to me the options are that either she moves out ( back in with grandfather?), you 4 move to a bigger place, or you move out with your DD. Perhaps you can present those options to him?

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Mon, 06/08/2020 - 6:55am

I would explain in no uncertain terms to my SO (if I was in your shoes) that an adult will not displace a child in the home. 

I would also put my foot down about her mess. Wake her up, hand her a trash bag and tell her that if she doesn't clean up her stuff, you will and it will ALL be going in the trash. She is being disrespectful to her father and you right now, you all work hard for what you have and she will not come in here and trash it. 

If your SO does not back you up in this, leave. She is an adult, not a child. She is making poor life choices and those choices have consequences. If your SO doesn't see that and wants to pamper his adult child, then you have to end it. Things will never change. 

Harry's picture

Submitted by Harry on Mon, 06/08/2020 - 11:07am

If DH wants his DD to live with you.  He needs to get a bigger place.  A reall three bedroom place.  He must get on SD to clean up 

Willow2010's picture

Submitted by Willow2010 on Mon, 06/08/2020 - 12:10pm

I disagree with a few posters here.

DO NOT get a bigger place.  That is an invitation for skid to stay longer.  

I understand that adults need to come home sometimes.  But that does not mean your DD loses her room!  Do not allow that to happen.  

You need to sit DH down and point blank ask him...how long will this adult be living here?  He wont' want to talk about it so then you tell him that you think 2-3 months is a proper amount of time for SD to find a job and save for an apartment.    But during the time she is living in your house, she has to look for a job everyday or do to DR to get her health under control.  No laying around everyday.  

Hopefully she will get tired of everyone walking though her "room" and will leave soon.