Thoughts on SKids and watching them while BF works, am I responsible for that? I dint think so.
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My bf has 3 kids that ate so noisy and hyper! Ages 7, 9 and 10!! He said it's my job to watch them as he works and they have a mother that works from home! Their mom always gets away with stuff of course, and due to covid im our of my bizz which was a chef owner of a vegan restaurant. so he thinks I should watch them no matter what! We're not even married! They ate ridiculously noisy, always hBgong around him and following him like a puppy. Recently they got caught wAtchimg porn, catfishing and on sex apps! I'm discusted!
I hope that you're disgusted
I hope that you're disgusted at your boyfriend for raising kids in such a neglectful way that at 10 and under they have access to porn and catfish.
I hope your disgusted that he imposes his children on you despite you not agreeing to it.
Is this guy worth being in a relationship with?
You are under no obligatioin to babysit for him. If he ignores you and tries to make you babysit them anyway you have two options as I see it. Leave the house before he does so that he has to sort the kids himself, or if he leaves the kids alone with you take them to where he is or their mother is and leave them with a parent. Repeat, repeat, repeat.
Jesus. It sounds like they
Jesus. It sounds like they have been "unwatched" for a long time!
Yes their mom leaves them
Yes their mom leaves them alone so much! I'm so sick worh thi! I took it the hardest he is very upset butt isn't even embarrassed and says it's "life" word? Amy, today 2 of them accused me of cheating! I'm not that person! Their dad has been that in the past!
Idk what to do! I'm so much
Idk what to do! I'm so much better than all this, it's been 3 yrs and all I do is give give give. His kids ate annoying and so into social media I been telling him for years and finally after this crap that I found out he listens! Smh, their mom mom doesn't follow through with the punishment and we are strict and took it all away, we never met them in social media or play video games but their mom dies! She even got them a phone with Internet! Supposedly now they dint have it but she is so hooked on her bf n trying to be single without managing these kids!
"No" is the entire side or
"No" is the entire side or your conversation on this. A husband does not tell a wife what to do and for damned sure does not subjugate his wife to his XW and the failed family he helped flush down the crapper.
I would immediately inform him that BM needs to step up and watch her own children. With businesses starting to reopen you have no time to be the beck and call girl for your DH and his poor choice of prior breeding partners.
I could not ever tell my wife to do as she was told. I respect her too much, respect myself too much and value my life too much.
Focus on reopening your business and remind both DH and the XW/BM that these are not your monkeys and this is not your circus. Their spawn, they care for them.
your are not obligated to do
your are not obligated to do anything for these kids! stop doing anything ! the fact he tells you that you have to watch them is completely and utterly insulting ! the bio parents can take care of this one. Just be busy all the time and they will have to find someone else to play nanny ,, better still , kick his ass to the curb . you dont need all this on your plate
Welcome to the site!
So both parents are trying to palm their out of control kids off on you! No way are they your responsibility. Just refuse.
If you can look at this man,
If you can look at this man, factor in what a shite parent he is, how he's failed in previous relationships, and how he thinks it's okay to pressure and gaslight you to get you to handle his responsibilities ... if you can consider all of that and still feel attracted to him, more power to you.
Personally though, I think you need to put this lazy manpulative loser in your rear view mirror. His kids are most certainly NOT your responsibility. In steplife, you can't care more than or be more involved than the bio parents. The fact that this man is pressuring you to pick up his slack should be a ginormous red flag to you. Either school him, or get the heck away from that dysfunction.
100% - I by choice in the
100% - I by choice in the past did way too much for my SS, including watching him etc, BIG MISTAKE, I opened the flood gates for the BM to jump on the band wagon too, I quickly put a stop to it & now my DH knows to not even ask me, any arrangements to do with SS are his problem to sort, not mine, I am so over being involved that I just concentrate on myself and our own BD, like other comments on here, it's not your job! They are not your kids or your responsibility! Refuse Refuse Refuse! Good luck.
And to add; my SS's BM does
And to add; my SS's BM does not monitor his cell phone usage not does he have restrictions on his apps etc, to be fair my DH has always kept tabs on things, but it's not a consistent thing, I dont remind him anymore, not my problem, I know I'll be doing a lot of monitoring and blocking when my BD is old enough for a device buit thankfully she has a good parent in her life! They should not be watching Porn, end of, not right!
I'm going to approach this in
I'm going to approach this in a couple of ways.
First, as a step-parent, (or girlfriend).. you are NOT required to be responsible for kids you did not create. That seems simple right? His demands that you fill a mother's role with them is not particularly fair and he should not be forcing them on you.
However...... as a partner to a person with children, there are times when we may be asked to help them with their children..it is like they would be asking you for a favor to take their dog to the vet.. or drive them to the airport... or some other errand/task that you do as a favor to help them. Just as you might ask your BF to change the oil in your car. Does that mean you need to do what is asked of you? not necessarily, but I think it's reasonable to think that we would accomodate our partners when we can.
So.. this situation... where does it stand. His EX.. the mother of the kids works from home... that means she is working.. and my company, for example, expects for us to secure daycare if we are working from home. Just because she is AT home, does not mean she is necessarily free to watch/supervise her children. Your BF is going to work.. and he sees you as having free time since you are at home and not working since your business is shut down. If you don't watch the kids on time that is his to manage... then he will have to find someone else to watch them.. and there may be a financial cost to that. Right now, with you not working, I am assuming there probably isn't extra money in the household to cover that. He would be needing to cover more of your costs since you are not working maybe? Maybe he feels it's reasonable to ask you to help him watch the kids since he is toting more of the financial weight at the moment.
Ultimately it is the two parent's obligations to care for their children.. but they can get help doing it via babysitters.. etc.. it is their responsibility to arrange for the care if they cannot do it themselves. So.. are you obligated? no.... but are there reasons why he might expect that you, as his partner, would help him out? yes. Do you have to do it? no.. but I think I would think carefully about what you want your life to look like because with three kids under 10.. that is a LOT of time you will be dealing with steplife.. and it already seems his expectation is that you will be involved with them.. so make sure you are on the same page with him before you go further into the relationship.. and have a kid of your own and end up really "trapped" in a bad situation.
100% this.
100% this.
Helping out by driving kids
Helping out by driving kids to school here and there is a far cry from watching 3 poorly behaved kids all day long, every day. And his reasons are not based in any kind of fairness to her, if he "expects" her to do it, vs. asking her to do it. It's the responsibility of the parents to secure child care and she should not be "expected" to do anything.
I agree that this is a big
I agree that this is a big"ask".. and in fact it sounds like he is making this a demand. Now, it may be that financially, he can't afford to pay for childcare.. maybe because she isn't working right now.... so he might see her as the only option.
I don't know the details of the parent's custody arrangement..but mom should be covering the childcare during HER time.. and Dad needs to make sure it's covered during HIS time. whether he asks his mom.. pays a babysitter.. or asks his GF if she could help him. If she isn't confident of supervising three young kids.. then she needs to point blank tell him that she can't do that.. and he will need to find another option... but if he literally does not have the money to pay someone else.. i'm not sure where that leaves him other than for him to stay home.. call in sick.. but that won't be sustainable either.
For OP's sake though... she needs to really think hard about being with this guy.. with three kids who have been allowed to run feral their whole lives.. with no signs of an attempt to improve.... THAT is really the big 10000 dollar question she needs to answer for herself!
Well, the last part I agree
Well, the last part I agree with. But regardless of whether or not she's sitting around eating bon-bons all day, it's still the parents' job over hers.
I'm so over it! This is just
I'm so over it! This is just one of many issues we have.. I have always paid half the bills and there are 4 of them including my bf.. I do alLl the cooking, most the discipline, The planning, the chore lost for them( which has been a battle) the making sure they don't watch or listen to inappropriate content, music, internet crap and so on.. he argues with me about everything I say and do..I'm the end I'm always right but he hates to admit it..he has not once ever sled me to help, or if i can watch them! I am a nurse by trade and left my career to Follow my dream of owning a vegan restaurant which we both did' very successfully but due to covid had to close. So he went back to a driving job and assumes I shkd be the sitter and when it was so called school time do ALL there HW and schoolwork! To check it too.. not once asked me to just assumed and said I'm home so I have to!! Anyway, the kids are out of control.. we'll now tjay I found out all the disgusting things they were doing now all of a sudden all my rules, ideas, concerns are important with their discipline.Well my bf, he is fine with me doing ALL the motherly suites but when I have a say in decisions or a voice to be heard he talks crap n pits me down and says he will do wtf he wants worh his kids and it's between their mom and him!
responsibility with no
responsibility with no authority,,, this is what your BF expects. PLEASE dont continue this! please read my posts as i was in similar posistion with a devil SS12yrs. I paid all the bills ,, looked after the kid as his dad worked 7 days a week,, did the running round , cooking , cleaning etc etc etc whilst working full time too,, was 100% responsible for his son all the time but had no say with authority or discipline. This kid was very sly and vindictive and made my life hell day in day out until i couldnt do it anymore,,, i tried disengaging from him but it didnt work. He also had a well and abled BM who was just lazy and manipulative also and didnt work ,,, but becasue of her attitude ,, i was seen as the more stable 'women' to care for his kid ! pffffttt! nothing good came from this. After 8 years of giving,,,, I was left with no money ,, no relationship and a heap of damaged belonings caused by his demon son and im officially scared off most men and ALL men that have children. Please dont be like me and hang on year after year until you are a shell left over .
I know a way for him to get
I know a way for him to get the message that you are not going to watch his kids: DUMP his ass and go NO CONTACT.
How long have you been with
It is absolutely not your responsibility to watch his kids, ever.
At this stage in life, I wouldn't want to deal with step kids that young if they were well behaved, much less if they were hellions.
Find someone better suited for you and your life.
I negotiated with dh
I am a sahw and dh is supposed to have SD9 5 days a week. That is a bit much for me to handle so I watch her a couple days a week and have dh mother watch her for the rest of our time. I framed it to dh that sd9 can create a special relationship with her grandma and that will help her have a happy life in the future. He is ok with this since he knows I have her best interest at heart. It's a win for me as well. I would try this approach if you can and see what happens. Good luck!
This is ridiculous! I am
This is ridiculous! I am outraged for you! There is ZERO reason that he has an expectation of you watching the kids. Even MARRIED now and as a SM, my DH at least asks first if I am free, what my schedule is, etc.
I would let your SO know that this is NOT flying with you. SK have a mom and a dad, and THEY need to be parents. Just because they CHOOSE to not be involved in their kids lives, doesn't mean that you have to!
Our BM tried to get out of having SD EOW during the quarantine. She knows I'm a teacher and WFH, so suggested it would be "easier for just having _____ do schoolwork and stay at your house" F THAT! We were NOT having BM give up her reponsibilites. Both BM and your SO need to grow up and figure out their work schedules. NOT your problem.