Had a convo with dh last night as I (probably stupidly) tried to air some frustrations with dh. Our oldest lives out of state with his aunt finishing out his high school year due to the opportunities. He works 2 jobs. We were gonna fly out to see him graduate but due to covid we cannot...he got refunded for half the plane tickets, flight credit for the other half. He's trying to save $$ for a down payment on a car. Dh copped a tude' about helping him with it but yet when skid wanted a $200+ package he didn't complain. 

During this convo I mention the above and that I don't think it's fair (complaining with our son but not skid) and that I don't appreciate his complaining about food "ice cream scoop portions" cuz he choose prison and he's not starving. And he's bigger than he's ever been...dh says it's working out..idk. I do know if he's given a chance he eats and eats and eats and eats and eats and eats and eats and eats and eats and....yup. Also tried to point out why I have doubts as to whether he's changing or not. Like "LOL-ing" about possibly having a kid. Dh is all "yeah, so?" (me: having a kid isn't a laughing matter!) dh: I don't care!" 

He also claims to want to make up with me and said "hi" the other day like in the post and I tried to point out how I don't think it's sincere that he wants to make up with me supposedly, but willing to say "fuck you" to friends cuz they won't write to him and ask him if he's ok or if he needs anything. Dh goes "his friends are druggies." Ok then....it seems to me either:

A) If his friends are druggies then if he's done such major changes the way dh claims then why would he want druggies to write to him?

If his friends are not druggies then how am i supposed to think it's sincere he wants to make up with me but is fine telling his friends "fuck you?" cuz in all that change you'd think someone would point out that people have lives and that  his expectations are  unrealistic. 

C)Seems that Dh's responses of "yeah, so?....I don't care!" or "I don't wanna hear it!" are his way of shutting down likely cuz he doesn't have any good comebacks and is too stubborn to admit I might have a point. To his credit, he did tell me I have nothing positive to say about his kid. And it's true. Do I think he can change? Yup. Do I think even if he does that I'm ready for a relationship with him once he's out?  Nope. But I can't fake feelings I don't feel...

D) idk how to respond to when dh claims I have nothing postive to say except perhaps..."maybe you should realize that when you let him treat me like dirt for YEARS cuz you don't have the balls to put him in his place (dh:"he'll fist fight ya!" Me: "then he shouldn't have been allowed at the house."Dh admitted I was right but most of the time the convo goes south). Getting treated like a doormat for years has consequences.

Dh said he'll just tell skid "I'll just tell him you don't like him and you don't wanna hear from him." Yeah GOOD. Pretty sure he knows that and he and dh are just trying to make me look bad.