Wow, that's crazy. I'm sorry but I would not have that much high tolerance for even my own child to behave that way. 

mainly ss since he lived in our marital home which i 95% took care of as hubby was sole income earner.

my husband got a headache trying to deal with skid, when issues popped up and i told hubby to deal with this immediately and hubby did (often from work), ss would reply with “person is stressed! Person didn’t do anything wrong but i know i did that” for example ss ignores us like we do not exist and doesn’t even acknowledge us for months and anything i should know he pretends i am not there and asks his dad who asks me to which i respond to hubby and hubby relays back to ss despite him being frigging there.

hubby told his adult son that this needs to stop and makes no one want to be around him. Ss replied with “person didn’t do anything wrong but person knows person ignores stepmum and my half siblings and he doesn’t even acknowledge our names, just calls us “them” or strangers and hubby lost it and said that is my wife and mother of 2 of my kids, she isn’t a stranger and ss shrugged his shoulders and went radio silent.

hubby is in full on argument mode with his kid like full on fighting over the ridiculousness of his son and hubby sends me the screenshots to vent and says “i give up”

i told him late last year that if he cared about me as his wife and as mother to our 2 young kids, if he cared about our marriage vows, he has long ago sabotaged our marriage by allowing ss to continually cause issues that seriously affect and contribute to the disharmony of our marriage and hubby has no right to guilt or make or expect me to reside in a home with his son ever... i have been firm on this and even the month i was back in his country, ss never came home because hubby knew nothing would change with ss22 behaviour and sonce I firmly told hubby if your son wants to be a d*ck to us, do that elsewhere because i will not remain in a home where i am treated like shit.

its so peaceful not having to deal with my husband’s feral kids, i at least feel at home and at peace. Their attitude sucks... its all about their selfish entitlement. Even hubby told me that his 3 kids resent me and my kids from existing because they see hubby more affectionate with us... 

before i even met hubby, they ignored and shunned him and never appreciated him, now they guilt him for having others who love and care for him unconditionally because i know how hrd he works everyday and i’m lucky enough that i can finish my university studies till end of next yr whilst my husband is sole income earner... 

me and my husband try to work together and discuss our future plans etc... 

in the end my husband still suffers from guilty daddy syndrome but he knows I won’t tolerate crap from his kids or be anywhere they will be at because of how horribly they treat me and they aren’t even sorry about it.

my husband used to always say with his exwife, it was always drama and fighting and now with me he wants a happy life and no drama to which I responded with “translates to wife shut your mouth and suck it up because i’m not man enough to parent my kids with basic manners and rules and i do not care enough about my wife and 2 young kids with her so she can eat dog shit, suck dog shit and live in daily dog shit”

my husband couldn’t come up with an excuse after that and i told him 1.5 yrs ago since he wasn’t interested in home harmony and care about us since we were expendable after precious first family, skids and exwife, that divorce was the only solution... my husband cried because he realised how badly he effed up and how much drama he’s allowed his kids to cause in our marriage and my husband enabled and encouraged it and he has been more firmer.

ss doesn’t like daddy complaining and my husband has told him off for being so immature for his age and to grow up...

The Rose Colored Glasses Virus is the voluntary infection that far too many breeders maintain.  They know but have a highly embraced ability to ignore the crap their breeding efforts have cursed humanity with.  

It is up to those of us immune to this self delusional actively pursued condition to set them straight.  After all, why should the toxic breeders be tolerated to avoid the impact that their crappy kids have on people of quality?

The real question is ... why do you tolerate this failed parent POS as your life partner?

Move on.  Do yourself a favor.

My husband stopped treating SD12 like the sun shown from her ass and she stopped talking to him. 

They do this out of fear that they will cut them off, it's a valid fear because THEY WILL. 

My husband used to be sad about it but then he realised that SD turned into a manipulative brat when she became a tween. 

I think my DH realizes his kids are bratty, lazy, and entitled, but I think he feels as if it's not their fault, because A) BM is a terrible mother who coddles them and convinces them that others (including DH) are just out to get them; he was conditioned from a young age by MIL to believe that CODs couldn't possibly behave normally (he told me that when he was in grade school another boy in the neighborhood was mean to him, he told MIL and she told him, "well, his parents are divorced, so you can't expect him to behave"); C) he feels extreme guilt over his divorce and extreme fear that he will "lose" his children if he is "too hard" on them (again, BM always plays up this angle by telling DH that one SS feels that DH is always "picking on him"...see point A about the victim mentality). 

One thing that bugs me, but doesn't seem to bother DH is that one of his kids...now 14...is always shrieking like a little girl. He's always done it and it's so annoying. He shrieks when he's excited, he shrieks when he's scared...it's so off-putting, especially now that he's older. 

I think that this is all too common.  And not to post over you, but I'm in the same place.  Kids are out of control and nothing happens to them. SS9 will literally scream at me, push, scowl, turn around and shake his tail end at me to mock me, etc. Mom (my SO) will 'reprimand' him and two seconds later act like nothing happened and he's back to 'perfect angel status'.

Your situation sounds crappy, and the longer I'm here and read more posts from others, it's rampant.  It's impossible to say why, but my first guess is fear/guilt.  Especially if the person you are with is the person that left the previous marriage/relationship.  They want to be friends with the children first and parents second because they feel guilty for changing the state of their lives.  In the end, the people that suffer are the step/SO and the kids, because they end up with no boundaries and discipline and the step/SO ends up looking like the bad guy.

Communication only goes so far and the issue in the end is that if you do finally pack it in, you're the bad guy again because the excuse will be "I didn't think that it was that bad."

The above post by strugglingSM is spot on.

Best of luck.

It's the same in my house with SD12. My DH is so critical of anything my kids or I do and even our 2 year old!! But with SD12 anything goes and he doesn't even notice.

she jumps on the furniture....she sits on the arms and backs of the couch. She rocks the dining chairs on 2 legs over and over over and at least twice daily while also rocking on the barstools...one falls over crashing to the ground. Nobody cares. During her furniture destruction she usually yells out to DH to get her a drink and he goes as fast as he can to get it

 but our 2 year old so much as attempts to stand on the couch and he loses his shit.

I think some people are just inept.

I used to get paid to watch a friends' kids regularly while they worked. The older two were little assholes, and the only reason I kept doing it for a while was because the babies were really sweet. But I realized that as they got older, they'd end up just like their older siblings, and I wasn't willing to deal with four little assholes instead of two.

This friend of mine is a super sweet person. Would give you anything within her power to try and make your day better. But she isn't really a "bigger picture" kind of person. Can't see the forest through the trees. She gets frustrated with her kids' behavior, yet she acts as though they're all special little snowflakes who can do no wrong. Kind of an oxymoron, right? It's all in her parenting style, which is full of empty threats, yelling incessantly and no follow-through. 

And so I have arrived at the conclusion that even the best people can suck at parenting. For some I think it is a failure or inability to see the bigger picture, to think introspectively. For others, I think the idea of having to closely examine one's own flaws and attempt to do/be better is daunting or possibly even frightening.

I'm always shocked when my SO calls out SD on something I've been noticing for a while. I suppose as a bioparent his tolerance is higher so it takes longer for him to complain. I can often see it coming, this endless cycle of SD pushing the limits until her dad cracks and then she gets all sadface. I don't blame her for not respecting his authority though - his discipline is weak at best. But it's really pathetic to see him give her ample chances and warnings to knock off whatever annoying thing she's doing but she just keeps driving that car till she falls off the cliff and dad has to lay down the law. 

Thankfully i usually only have to tell SD something once bc she knows i don't BS around and she doesn't use whining to manipulate me bc she knows it won't work on me.