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dadwith 2 beautifull kids , one manipulating step daughter and mother who doesnt do anything about it

Rey's picture

Submitted by Rey on Wed, 04/15/2020 - 6:43am

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Step/Bio Father's Den

hi everyone , i realy hope someone can help me with some advice

So here it is:

i have 2 beautifull children 3 and 4 years old and a stepchild that is 11 years old.

my step daughter is trying to break us up and im sorry to say it is working! , everything she says her mom believes , and i mean everything.she actually even googled how do i get rid of my step dad and her mom is like ok with it , saying its normal . there is history but i feel like im fighting a loosing battle, now me and the wife is fighting , and its realy bad!!!!! now everything i do is wrong the way i walk the way i talk , the way i freaking open a door is selfish!!! can you believe it..... ? im getting more and more angry and sad and very unhappy , now i think its time to leave, deep down i guess i want to stay because of my kids , beacuse in my head am i bad dad if we split up will they be ok will i be ok , if this happens she will move to another city durban and it will be a 2 hour flight to see my kids so i wont see them alot at all anymore and it breaks my heart!!!! wil i be ok , will my kids be ok , please help , but its so toxic that i just cant win anymore and the mother is not doing anything about it  

surley i cant be the only guy this is or happened to ????

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Wed, 04/15/2020 - 7:59am

My DH delt with something similar. SS was 7 when BM left. 

My advice is to keep them local. If BM insists on moving, keep the kids with you as the primary parent. Until they start school you can also do a 50/50 rotation of month on/month off (or 2 or 3-whatever) but once school starts, keep them with you in your state. You hold a lot of power here because she is the one that wants to leave. 

Lean on your family for support but you can do this.

Thefatherismyfamily's picture

Submitted by Thefatherismyfamily on Wed, 04/15/2020 - 8:07am

I also want to say that an 11 year old can't break you two up. This has to do with your relationship. SD is just white noise. Don't give her so much power. Just ignore her. 

GoingWicked's picture

Submitted by GoingWicked on Wed, 04/15/2020 - 7:49pm

Have you tried disengaging?  Go on strike. Refuse to babysit, financially contribute, cook for, take on vacations, talk to, drive around, whatever it takes, so that you don't feel taken advantage of and aren't exposed to your SD's disrespect.

I wouldn't leave and leave my kids with my husband, mostly because he lacks the capability to be a proper parent to his daughter.  I stuck it out and made DH completely responsible for his daughter.  I take vacations with my kids away from them.  SD and I live like strangers in our home, mostly because she's got issues and has a compulsive need to insult me.  I avoid her, and avoid talking to talk to her. 

Rey's picture

Submitted by Rey on Mon, 04/20/2020 - 12:51pm

does that not drive you crazy though to live in a environment like that ? How do you keep it together?

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Wed, 04/15/2020 - 10:14pm

Your kids need to see their dad as happy and confident. Not as this browbeaten serial victim to the alter of a toxic bride and Sparental martyrdom.

Get a killer attorney, go for at least 50/50 legal and physical custody and shut down any attempt by your STBX to take your kids out of state.  Don't wait for her to take any initiative in ending things.  Get ahead of the curve and fight for yourself and your kids.

A good parent does not raise their kids in a toxic marriage, nor does a good parent expose their young kids to a toxic POS any more than necessary even if that POS is an elder half sib.

Show your kids confidence and a happy life.  Go live your best life. After all.... living well is the best revenge. Take your revenge soon.  Whether you stay or not.