SS DRIVING ME NUTS

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So me and DH are newly married. We fell in love instantly. And got married 4 months later Jan 2020. Totally crazy but he really is an amazing man. We both new we were ready to be a blended family, but jeeeezus his kid is really stressing me out! He soo disrespectful. Like he has a smart mouth and just has an answer for everything. He sleeps all days stays up all night and acts stupid when it comes to this homeschooling crap. Now we have 3 kids, 2 are mine age 11, 6 and 1 his age 11. For the most part everything I've brought to light DH has been stepping up and has my back, oh btw he has full custody. But it's like oh my son would never do that... example, my son got caught watching porn, before we were living together... he's like my sons would never so I decide to check his sons phone and what do I done kids been watch porn for like a month! Anyways...I am just feeling like I'm losing my mind we took his phone away because he was being inappropriate with TikTok and everyday he's still a little jerk then be asking for his phone. It's sounds so silly and I'm sure other situations are worse but he's just not improving. He still fresh with mouth smart sly remarks and he's dads always working. I just am starting to seriously not like him. And I feel like I'm going to hate him if it doesn't change.

Don't let him sleep in his

Don't let him sleep in his room during the day. Make him come out into the common area. Have a dance party with loud music as he starts to drift off. Turn off the wifi and cable when you go to bed. It's not fun to stay up without electronics.

Or consider it a win that you don't have to deal with him during the day. He can have whatever you serve for supper as his breakfast and Dad can deal with the rest. If Dad doesn't make him go to bed at night, he can deal with the schoolwork.

You are the parent. Enforce

You are the parent. Enforce the rules. None of this sleeping all day and staying up all night.

Take the house digitally dark at a specific bed time and if necessary collect his phone as well. Then drag him out of bed at a specific time each day. If he was up all night, he does not sleep during the day. If necessary, don't give him access to any seating if he has been up all night gaming.

Set the rules, post the rules, enforce the rules. Demand and accept only compliance to the rules and the standards of performance. Your SO is absent, so he gets no say in how you parent and discipline when he is not present.

Do with SS as your would with DS.

And... stop letting an 11yo make decisions in your home. Any decision. Including when he goes to bed and when he gets up. An 11yo can pick their clothes for the day, decide what they want to drink, but that is about it. Until SS proves he has some notable ability to make good choices, don't give him any choices. That applies to any other kid in your home. Regardless of age.

IMHO of course.

Freaking right?!

BUT. If her husband doesn't want her to have such authority over his son.... that is when the problems come up.

Thank you

DH def supports me when I bring things to light. I think I just have trouble bc we're so newly married so it's just a learning process. Like today his dad was home and he really helped me be on top of him with schoolwork and called him out on rushing to be done a failing the quizzes. I def need to work on being more firm not even just with him even my own.

You've got it backwards here.

You've got it backwards here. Your DH supports YOU with his own son? Helps YOU be on top of his kid's schoolwork? No. You support DH if you want, but ultimately the responsibility is your husband's. You've taken on way too much and your DH is a lazy parent.

Agreed.

OP, this child is NOT your responsibility. Lend a hand if you feel like it but you should not be taking him on as if he were your own.

lol

No no no. I knew there would be challenges, ironically I said to him Before we got married that blended to children and raising them is what's going to be hard for me personally. Plus I get a break from my kids not this one lol... and he's always up my ass too... wah... I know it could be much worse, but damn I be really wanting rip my hair out! Lol.... and a bit more to the background he's my best friends brother so I knew him before but we didn't think of each other like that til last September lol

lol

So pleased it is not just me!

I am really feeling the irritation factor now. Moved in with my partner last summer, I have 3 children and he has 2 all of which live with us all the time. I am fine with his daughter as she interacts with the family and helps out but his son drives me to distraction, if I am being logical he stays in his room and I don't have to be around him much but I can't shake the feeling of irritation which is now impacting on my relationship as I am not good at hiding it.

His 17 year old son has spent the past 3 weeks on his bed playing his playstation, he doesnt wash till he is told to do so and then puts dirty clothes back on, after being told for 3 days to get in the shower his dad then praises him for doing it with a 'good lad' wth! He wonders downstairs when he wants food and then sits away from everyone so he can watch utube clips on his phone. The only conversation he has is about cyber world. He also feels the need to sneakerly pinch food from the kitchen, why cant he just get it rather than hide it in his clothes when he thinks nobody is looking.

The thing is he hasn't changed since lock down he was as lazy before, doesnt keep his room, his bedding, himself or his clothes clean. Does bare minimum at college to get a pass but preaches about how he is going to uni, was going to claim a bursery (based on his mams wages - he doesnt even live or sleep over there) rather than get a job - that is not happening I put my foot down quoting fraud.

It is now impacting on my relationship as I just see his dad leaving him to it so he has an easy life.

Just need to let of steam!!!

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