Is there hope for SS???
New here looking for Advice from other steps especially ones with older/adult step kids. DH shares joint Custody of two children. One is married and out of the house. The youngest Tyler is almost 13 and has Multiple mental health issues. ADHD, Mood disorders, Depression, Social disorders. Tyler has been under the care of a social worker and Psychiatrist since he was 7 for these Conditions. Tyler is in a Regular classroom but has a IEP program. He has always been a “Edgy” over Sensitive kid, cry’s over little things who tends to react with Anger/violence when upset. You really never know what is going to set him off. Biting/pushing other kids when younger and then moved on to hitting. This along with poor Social skills has caused him to have very few friends.
Tyler now in middle school seems to be doing better in school with less Altercations with kids but being more Defiant with doing homework. Still no real friends he hangs out with and spends all his time either at BM’s house or ours. He generally has low energy and says he’s tired a lot when we want to go out and do fun things. He has no real hobbies or sports. Yes we have tried but SS has no interest.
The biggest issue is SS’s Outbursts. He will way overreact to certain things. Yelling, crying Uncontrollably, swearing and sometimes hitting DH or breaking things. He’s angry and crying hysterically at the same time and it’s almost Impossible to get him to calm down. Now that he’s getting older and bigger he’s getting scary. Sometimes when he’s in a rage he will say he’s going to kill his father or wishes his mother was dead.
BM and DH do NOT get along or agree on anything. The biggest issue is SS’s mental illnesses. BM thinks there is nothing wrong with SS and he’s just spoiled and lazy. BM has had many Professionals Disagree with Her telling her she is wrong but she won’t listen. It’s also questionable if she gives him his medication that is prescribed by the psychiatrist. Luckily DH has SS most of the time but what message is this giving SS if BM does not give meds?
So where am I going with this? One is there anything else DH can do to help SS? Number two since SS IS under the care of a Social worker and psychiatrist what is the chance he will “work out” of this as he gets older?
If you ever want a normal
If you ever want a normal life, leave. Love is not enough.
Welcome to the site!
There is a small chance SS12 will grow out of some of his difficulties, but sadly most don't. If you are planning on staying in this situation, I'd suggest that you get a referral (the psychiatrist may be able to provide this) to a behavioural psychologist. They will be able to suggest strategies to deal with the unwanted behaviours. Threats to kill are 95% for manipulation purposes, and for an effect, but they do need addressing. Also you might want to click on "edit" for your post and take his real name out, for purposes of privacy.
Thank you for the welcome!
When you suggest a behavioral therapist is that for SS or the adults in his life? BTW I used a fake name for SS
For the SS - although the
For the SS - although the practitioner may or may not want to involve the adults to some degree.
Having multiple diagnoses at
Having multiple diagnoses at such a young age gives your SS a fairly poor prognosis (I am in the child mental health field). It doesn't mean he can't get better, but there is a good chance he won't. Especially if BM and DH disagree on parenting, which is an important part of the picture - my guess is that once he's old enough, he will go live with BM because she lets him get away with more and doesn't make him take his meds (we find that around 15, a lot of kids decide they don't need their meds and refuse to take them).
Good luck, you are in for a rough ride.
Thank you for Answering
Since SS12 has been taking meds and in Therapy since he was young he does not mind. We never have a problem giving him his meds and the only reason he does not take them at BM’s is SS knows that’s what she wants. SS just goes along with her. Even talk therapy with the social worker SS is fine with. SS has gone to the same social worker since he was seven and likes her. Again it’s all Routine to him as it’s all he’s ever known. This being said I hope as SS gets into the teen years he does NOT start thinking like BM that he does not need them or therapy. So far neither has been a issue
If he’s been under doctors care for five years.
And it's this bad. He never going to get better. No magical, one day it's get turn around. These meds stops sexual function, as they get older they want sexual fuction. When they realize what the opposite sex is. So they stop taking there meds.
This is not going to get better, most likely it's going to get worst. The mental health field doesn't do much except gives everything names.
This kid will never be on his own,
Blaming BM for all the problems is not going to do any good. What it is,is what you have