Too Jealous and Resentful to be a stepmom
Back story... Been with Bf for 3 years I have a 16 yr old daughter he has a 7 yr old daughter.. He is a good man.. He takes care of me very well.. Of course things could be better.. I can't tell anyone I know how im feeling so I came here... Take it easy on me please .. But honesty is what i need
I had my daughter at 16 so very young and wasnt ready but I made it.. Now that I am older I want to do it again.. Her father was never around. My bf has his daughter and that is his princess. The mother is crap and treats him lile crap. If he makes her mad she will hold the little girl as ransom for whatever amount of time she chooses. So I have to be a bystander to him kissing this womans ass.. It drives me crazy.
He knows how BAD I want a baby but he is not performing and we barely have sex... He always re assures me that it will happen in time but how when he does not "finish" he blames it on a cramp..or him being tired..cause I moved....
This has been an issue for a few months now and he pretends like he does not have a problem. So I automatically start breaking myself down like I'm ugly im fat im disgusting..but then I know what the mother looks like and i get confused like how could you get her pregnant and now all of sudden the little swinmers just refuse to come out and play.
So now I find myself resenting the little girl when she comes over. I hate when he talks about her ..i hate when he tells me about what plans her mother has for her. I hate doing anything with her..makes it worse her birthday is the same as my daughter. We usually all go out to eat and I don't want to share that with her. I hate when she even calls him especially when she says daaaaddy
I cant help to see her and feel so resentful that he made this child and cant make one for me.. I have no say so with her so I dont involve myself I usually just go in my room when she comes so i dont have to interact with her. I should add that tge little girl likes me cause I am nice to her when I do get out the room especially when he is around I am like Oscar performer..
I don't want her touching my stuff. I hate her mother so much that when the little girl leaves I wash whatever blankets she has wrapped herself in and my couch pillows cause i dont want the smell of her house from her clothes to linger. She had his sweatshirt on the other day as soon as it came back I washed it right away.. I feel like she has a mother and a father so what is my position...
A year ago he had her 3 days a week and he worked nights so I was the one taking care of her baths dinner ironed clothes fed her gor her ready for school.. The mother found out i existed and stopped her from coming over.the little girl was really upset.. Like I said she does like me.. So when that stopped I really had no use.. I dont care honestly but when i tried to bond with the little girl it was broken. And I have absolutely no desire to fix it. She now comes on the weekends.. For the past 3 weeks I took it upon myself to try to interact with her by doing braiding her hair but then i realized this is helping the mother not him so i will not be doing it anymore...she has a mother..let her deal with it..
Every now and again he says he is going to file for more custody.. Hahaha.. I am not helping him.. Why would i fight this woman for more rime with her child.. It will be on me when he goes to work since i work from home.. He just assumes I am going to do this.. I cant say anything cause he will think I dont like his child.. I just stay silent and pretend I didnt hear him..i dont think he is going to do it so I dont really stress about that
I stay away from sometimes talking to him about when my daughter was little because I dont want to hear a story about when his was smaller... Go reminisce with her mom not me.. I don't want to know what she was like when she was a baby... I want my own baby... Theres is literally nothing I can do to change this I could only vent cause I cannot leave him.. We are to financially connected and really do love him other than his problem which is huuuuge..
My desire for a baby would still be as strong if he didnt have her .. but it just punches me in the gut that i never had the experience of co parenting and having someone equally love my child that way i do...then to have to watch the man i love do all of this with a woman who does not deserve to have him as a father of her child... When the father daughter dance came i lost my shit ...inside of course .. I had to play like it was so cute....gag gag gag....
When she does come over i also find myself judging how the mother dressed her ..did her hair..like what an ugly shirt I would never put my kid in that... Like look at her hair ..it looks a mess. The little girls personality is also weird all she does it stare at the tv ..like up close i used to come out my room and say youre too close but now I dont care i only say it if he is around... To the point where she now needs glasses......not my problem......she never wants to color or go outside .. Not my kids...i would play with them bit not my kid not my problem....when we go out to eat I tell him take the phone away from her there are crayons and a worksheet ill color with her... He just says...shes fine..let her just watch the show....gag gag...
Yesterday the mother knew my BF family was coming over for dinner so she dressed her all up and combed her hair ..its a miracle.. Dress was too big and shoes didnt match....but whatever and then watching everyone commenting her and doting over her..gag gag gag
He needs to go to a Dr but he refuses to acknowledge he has a problem so we keep pretending its a "cramp" why he cannot ejaculate......then I roll over and cry... Then the little girl comes over and she again reminds me she is a product of what i cannot have... He want to pick her up this morning before he goes to work since its no school and she will have to stay with her mom at her job... I know its for her so she isnt bored or whatever but i see it as him giving the mother a break.. I never had these luxuries... I hate her and I resent the little girl so much... I need help but me leaving isnt an option so this is my life...thanks for reading...and the Oscar and Academy award goes to me.... 
I think I may just go get a puppy....
There is a lot here
There is a lot here but to first address the elephant in the room - if he will not go to the doctor, you need to figure out if the problem if physical or psychological yourself. Take the pressure off of him by stopping the baby talk, declare that you are done with that idea, and insisting that he start using condoms even when you are messing aroung "just to be safe" since you can become pregnant from pre-ejaculate fluid as well. If it is a psychological issue that may take care of it pretty quickly. If he is still having the issue then it really is physical and should be checked out ASAP.
I wish
There is no ejaculation at all... Dont want to use condoms since I really want a baby.. I don't talk about it alot. He will see babies and point them out to me saying thats what ours would like and etc... I only mention it when a sitiation comes up like that would be so cute if i had a little boy or girl. I rarely pressure him and I go along with the cramp thing or any other excuses he gives why he doesnt ejaculate..but you are right about it getting checked ASAP...thanks
You missed the point.
You missed the point. If the problem is psychological because he really doesn't want a child then using the condom will allow him to relax and ejaculate. Then you know what is really going on.
Regardless of what he says, he is showing every sign of not wanting another child. You may want another one but you should ask yourself if you really want one with HIM. Do you really see co-parenting with him in your future??
Ok i misunderstood
I actually do want it with him since i see how he is with his daughter even though the mother treats him like crap.. But I see your point
"He will see babies and point
"He will see babies and point them out to me saying thats what ours would like and etc"
This is what is known as a "smoke screen". This man does NOT want a baby but he wants you to think he does so he can keep stringing you along. I'd say it's time you confronted him and asked him to be brutally honest with you about wanting kids or not. If he says he truly wants a baby with you, say "great, then you won't mind going to the urologist for a checkup then, will you?". His reaction will tell you all you need to know.
Lol.
Lol.
You are funny. You just tickle me, I was chuckling reading your thoughts.
Darlin you shouldn't beat yourself up about SO not being able to perform. About his daughter, keep in mind that this was what 7 or 8 years ago? SO's sexual physiology could have changed easily since then.
Cramps? You moved? Laughable. SO is gaslighting you, he has erectile dysfunction. Don't take it personally!
However I worry for you because sex is a very important part of life. Heck, sex is one of the things keeping me locked down in my sham of a situation. But I digress. You need to get SO on something.
There are naturally occurring aphrodisiacs in foods. Oysters, watermelon rinds, and others. Look them up and get SO on a babymaker diet. SO can go to a Dr and get prescribed Viagra. SO, if he feels that that's too official or whatever, can also go to a gas station where they sell sex pills. Warning on that they all don't work (many do) and they're not approved by the FDA. But it's a distant third option.
Good luck hon! You'll be knocked up in no time!
Thank you so much
Yes girl.. Now im like do i move do i not..lol. Its so frustrating the lack of sex I have lost my desire for sex period i beat myself up even though I know its him.. I prayed for a man like him ..stable ..good father.. I didnt know I had to pray for good sex too... I have never experienced this in my life... I hear stories from my friends how they have so much sex they are tired of it and I pretend im in the same boat... So frustrating... But thanks again
Love, sex, baby!
You can have all of those! Look - if you want a baby, you want a baby. If he's not on board, he's not the man for you. You don't want someone else's leftovers (BM's kid). You will never get over the resentment. Leave him and find a man who can fulfill your dream.
In my first marriage I begged and pleaded and threatened to have my third child. Marriage ended but it was going to anyway. Best decision ever - I don't know what I'd do without her! (she's 15 now). In my second marriage, he has 4 and I have 3 and we met in 40's so no baby plans...but we have the other two in abundance.
Remember there is no man on this planet for whom it is worth giving up the dream of having a baby!!!!
I read this 3 times...thank you
Its so scary starting over... my happiness is the only thing being sacrificed by staying. Last night we went out for some drinks i came home and get in the bed naked and......Nothing... I never initiate anymore cause of the fear of rejection... Then I go into crazy town and started thinking well obviously this childs mother did this same thing and got a baby i got him snoring..
But you are right I dont think i could let go of the resentment for this little girl and I feel so bad that i do but how can i not.
She will always represent what I cant have with him
Why would you want to
Why would you want to procreate with a man who makes you feel as this guy makes you feel? You see how he is. Do you really want to infect your gene pool with this shallow and polluted cess pool of genetic crap?