Overstepping-playing favorites MIL (please help!)
So Friday for SD5's birthday, we checked her and SD7 out of school an hour early to go have a birthday lunch at SD5's favorite Mexican restaurant. SD7 got in trouble and a note in her folder from her teacher for talking and playing in class instead of paying attention and doing her work. DH's punishment for her was a simple talking to and 10 minutes in time out when we got home to think about her bad decisions and what she should do next time to not get in trouble. Well... SD7 starts crying at the table. And DH tells her to stop crying and showing her butt since 10 minutes in time out is nothing compared to spankings which is what she'd get if she didn't stop (she cries over nothing just to get attention and sympathy). Well.... DH's mom yells at DH telling him not to talk to SD7 like that then takes her to the bathroom to coddle her and baby her. Then when they get back from their arse kissing bathroom party, me and DH are fuming. MIL says the girls can come with her after lunch and DH says no. That SD7 still has to have her time out. MIL asks if she can just do her time out at her house and gets pissy when DH says no. Then after time out, she takes the girls (not including our sonbecause she "can't handle him") to play at her house and go out for dinner at Chick-Fil-A. They FINALLY get home around 9pm! Way past the girls bedtime! I'm tired of MIL overstepping and excluding mine and DH's son. He may be 2yo but he's really easy to handle, but for some reason she doesn't want to try. She's only babysat our son ONCE in the 2 YEARS he's been alive but has kept the girls every chance she got. How do we handle the overstepping, manipulation, exclusion, favoritisms and straight up ignorant pettiness of the MIL? I really need help before I just grab my son and leave this crazy situation (1.overly troublesome BM, 2.DH who won't set boundaries for his kids, his mother or his ex and has me do most of the parenting and caregiving of his daughters and most if not all dealing with BM, 3.MIL who keeps undermining mine and DH's authority as parents and plays favorites leaving our son out of all plans she has to fun with the kids
DH to his mommy: "Mom, you
DH to his mommy: "Mom, you raised children and I will raise mine. If you ever pull that interferance shit again you won't see your GrandChildren. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?"
Real time, in front of everyone.
Then if she does it again, no more Gramma.
He also needs to give BM the message that she takes all of her grandchildren or she takes none of her grandchildren. DH needs to parent the shit out of his own mother on this and confront, confront, confront her crap.
DH needs to stop tolerating his mother's crap. The sense of relief that comes with ending tolerance for self centered people is incredible. You and DH should try it.
The undermining would drive
The undermining would drive me nuts and I'd have trouble biting my tongue. I think it's really your DHs place to stand up for her though.
For the favoritism though do you really even want your son to go with her? My FIL used to take SD for sleep overs a lot when she was a kid but barely spends time with my daughter who is 2.5. I don't let it bother me though.has He has babysat a few times for us but he doesn't seem to be interested. I think it's really just because she's still a baby and I think once she can communicate better and is potty trained hopefully they'll bond more but if not oh well.