Maybe this isn't the woman for you.

I'm confused - are you a bio father letting us all know we are leading your wife astray with our advice? Maybe you should listen to her concerns about your child instead of blaming the Internet for your woes. If she was happy, she wouldn't be online posting and venting about her stepkid. 

Instead of driving her to online forums why don't you suggest family counseling so you both can work through the issues together?  A bit of a headache to you is probably a full blown migraine to SM.  You might learn how to parent more effectively and she might learn to disengage from the headache.

Let's cut him some slack and assume he's genuinely frustrated for valid reasons. He's taken some advice where applicable.

Have you ever heard that your coworkers kids have lice, and half an hour later you're sure your itchy head means the worst?
 

Support sites can be blessings or a curses! If people are telling her that something SHOULD upset her when it never did before, that can be frustrating. Or if she read about mini waves here, and she doesn't honestly have a mini wife, just a young child who appreciates dad's affection, and suddenly turns it into a mini wife it doesn't mean that he's wrong. Sometimes reading something can blow it out of perspective in your own life. So all he's asking is how can he get his wife to keep their problems in perspective so that they can be solved, without suddenly adopting every problem of the Internet that she read. Just because your coworker has lice doesn't mean you do.

OP - The only thing I could suggest is counseling for the two of you. If you are genuinely listening with an open mind and can honestly say that her complaints are more fabricated than real, then that needs to be addressed with someone more than you. Because she'll just say that you don't understand, even though you might.

On the other hand if she is genuinely finding things that need to be addressed, and it's because it's a new relationship, she can't come in and change everything all at once. It's not fair to any of you to make that dramatic a change. In counseling perhaps she's only allowed to pick on one or two things at a time and you guys can determine which ones are the priority.
 

But if she finds two things every week for the next year, you might just have to admit that this lifestyle might not be something she's cut out for. Not a reflection of you or your kids or her and her ability just that this Stepparent thing is not for everyone.

The problem is she looks all around for things and it's getting frustrating.  She reads something, then somehow twists it it our situation. She is so caught up in other people's problems and how to relate them to our relationship...

It sounds like she likes drama and chaos.

My DH could probably post this same thing........but it's a lie. I think he thinks this about me to an extent. Maybe you live with blinders on...or not..need more info.....I use the "things I read online" phrase to try and ease into conversations b/c my DH can be a bully, or shut down, or act like everything is fine......when things aren't fine for me.

Do you communicate openly and freely about all issues with your wife? My DH won't communicate with me about anything........so I build up all this resentment and if I use "something I saw online" it's just a way for me to passive agressively tell/show him how I feel without actually saying it.

Bottom line........your wife isn't happy.....and she thinks it is your fault...she probably doesn't like your kid.....and when your kid is around she probalby doesn't like you......I guess figure out what to do with that.

My DH could have posted the same thing and it would have been TRUE!

DH and I had the house to ourselves 4 days a week.  We could do whatever we wanted, go wherever we wanted until the SS's came.  I was ok with that.

Once SS17 came to live with us at 13, wellll that is a different story.  

I looked for every sock he left, every lie he told, all the creepiness I could find.  Not that he wasn't and still isn't lazy and an asshole, but I looked for things to point out to DH.  It was horrible!

He told me that he knew I was doing it, there was no reason for me to do it other than I didn't want another person living in our house.  I missed us, missed sleeping naked, etc.

After he called me on it, I just stopped looking.  I didn't have to.  SS17 dug his own grave and I have my house back.

I would suggest that rather seeking input from a StepParenting community that you seek counseling for you and your bride.  Better to confront your concerns regarding your DW with a therapist rather than a notably biased audience who will in all likelihood take exception to your presence here.

As for your wife's pursuit of drama and applying potentially unrelated issues to your belended family, drama can be addictive.  Which is another topic for the two of you to work with a professional.

Good luck.

Rehashing the same stuff over and over is a dependable tell that you ard not addressing the issues that are at the root of your spouses discomfort.

If you would actually deal with the behavioral issues that your prior relationship spawn is perpetrating your spouse would likely relax a bit.

You bred it, you deal with it.