Just vent because it’s been a bad week
Forums:
It annoys me when DH's ex gets on Facebook and talks to my mother in law like she is still the daughter in law, not me. MIL is polite to her and not overly friendly but clearly ex still considers herself to have some active roll with the family. I wouldn't give her the pleasure of knowing I read these interactions and I wish They didn't get under my skin. I would not call my ex MIL mom now.
Let me guess - and they weren
Let me guess - and they weren't even that close before?
I've never asked but I don't
I've never asked but I don't think she was "close" to anybody! She treated MIL son like crap, cheated on him, disappeared from him and her kids for weeks at a time while her own father was on his death bed. She's one of those that wants to say we all are one big family now.
My MIL occasionally interacts
My MIL occasionally interacts with BM and her family members on FB. It annoys me because I can't understand why she wants to maintain a relationship, even a social media one, with the woman who serial cheated on her son. When MIL visited us a couple weeks back (she lives many states away), she took a picture of herself with BM and posted it on FB. Why? I don't get it. She KNOWS BM cheated, she KNOWS BM left DH. DH and BM have 50/50 custody, so she doesn't rely on BM to see the grandchildren. She only sees them once or twice a year anyway due to distance. In our case it's not BM reaching out to MIL; it's MIL. She doesn't discuss anything inappropriate, she doesn't interfere, she doesn't cause problems - it's stuff like congratulating BM on her new marriage, wishing her a happy birthday, liking her photos, etc. I don't think MIL has it in her to unfriend *anyone.*
Exactly!
Same situation, she did those things to my husband as well. MIL is just too nice and she tends to block out anything negative. I don't think she reaches out to BM but she also doesn't discourage her friendship either.
Idk
Bm/ex sometimes like to think there more important than they are. I'm the mother of your grandchildren. I was part of the family once. I find my inlaws just try to be polite for the kids. Dont necessarily want the drama. Like they dont seek my dh ex out by inviting her to family gathering or being bff with her. I understand theres a bit of history there so it doesn't bother me. As long as they all know who the top dog is. I let it go. So the ex can prance around pretending she all important all she wants. It not going to change that fact she was kicked to the curb.
It's just a weird a powerplay
It's just a weird a powerplay. We all play nice on Facebook for different reasons . Don't want to blog steal but here's my example
When my DHs family was invited to SD7s birthday party at her place.. none of us were truly on board but the kiddo really wanted us there.
So we show up and the ex is all "glad to see you!! It's been forever !!!" Check kisses my FIL .. yikes
So the next time I see my father in law he comes to me and says *I tell your sister (sil) never have me around that bitch again*
He's still pretty pissed off that he had to move due to BM. But online we all play nice. So ignore it and very likely your MIL will be serving the T to you whether you like it or not.
It seems that a good number
It seems that a good number of in-laws "play nice" with these BMs because the BMs can and WILL withhold the grandchildren. So I can understand them maintaining some contact to continue seeing the grands.
The ILs who still treat the ex like a member of the family or BETTER than? Ish.
GPs need clarity just as much
GPs need clarity just as much as BioParents need clarity. Any GP time with kids happens during the time that the children are with that GP's own child.
The XDIL/XSIL has zero say about GP time when the Skids are with their respective bioparent.
GPs who would suck ass for their XDIL/XSIL have no business seeing GK's and their own child should protect their kids from GPs who would be so toxic as to undermine their own child's journey in raising their own children.
In our case
Because she cheated and would trash talk DH at every gathering after separation, she is no longer invited to shindigs. NO ONE likes her, and likes her even less after her trashiness.
The inlaws are only nice about things to be respectful of SD13 Munchkins feelings. To me, they hate her as much as I do.
BM likes to think of herself as part of the family still, because she gave birth to 2 children. At least she considers Dh's nephews HER nephews still and some are still fakebook "friends".
If it seems excessive, can you or Dh discuss it?
BM tried to create a meeting
BM tried to create a meeting when we first married and discuss how we were all one big family and should act like it. DH and I said we didn't need to meet with her. The youngest child was 15 so it wasn't like we were trying to work out parenting young children together. She sent my adult kids pj's for Christmas a couple of years ago. Talk about awkward, my son wouldn't even know her if he saw her on the street, he was like 28 at the time! MIL ia 87, I don't blame her for being nice and wouldn't bring it up with her, it's just BM that I'd love to block from our lives!
My mother was still very
My mother was still very civil with my ex. My ex’s family were not as cordial. My mother would hug my ex when she saw him/his family and would constantly tell me about her “bumping into” them. I went off the deep end at a family gathering and told my mother unequivocally that she was MY family and to cease and desist with the overly friendly interactions. Unfortunately, it’s harder when it’s a MIL but rising above it is your best recourse. Stay classy. Xo
I learned a key lesson from
I learned a key lesson from my XILs. I called them "Mom" & "Dad" for part of the time I was married to their daughter. That is what they wanted. It never rolled off of my toung smoothly though.
I changed that about a year in to that 2.5 year marriage and started referring to them as their names.
Never again have I call anyone but my own parents as Mom or Dad.
My DW and I have been married for 25+ years and since we married I have only referred to her parents by their names.
My bride considers my mom and dad as far more her parents than her own parents so she flips back and forth between calling them by their names and calling them Mom and Dad.
A lesson I learned three decades ago.
If my parents allowed my XW to pollute our family, Mom, Dad and I would have a sit down for a serious discussion. If my ILs allowed my SS's SpermIdiot to pollute my wife's family, the discussion with my MIL and FIL (if he were still alive) would be just as serious as the discussion I would have with my own parents.