Is the relationship worth the continual investment and stress?
Background:
I(28) have been with my boyfriend(32) a year and a half. I have one 5 y.o. daughter that goes to her dad's one night a week. Boyfriend has two sons, 11&5, from a previous long term relationship. Neither of us has been married. We were dating, with an hour drive, for six months before he was asked to move out of his apartment and the house was sold. He moved in with my daughter and I. We live on the main floor of a two story duplex. I've been here ten years. I had the opportunity to flip some homes and used the money to pay off my mortgage two years ago. The space is barely over 1,000 sq feet. There's our large bedrom, my daughter's also good size bedroom, and his boys that come every weekend share a small room off the kitchen that used to be my office/pantry. It's small. About 80 sq ft. We both work full time for the same company but almost never at the same location. The reason for the quick move-in was because he needed to go somewhere and I, as well as being in love with him and wanting to be with him, was ready to start saving money. Having financial help from him would have made my life much easier and more comfortable. I've always been worried about money and I have a good credit score and basically no debt. I don't buy things I can't afford. I wanted the security of being able to save for emergencies and build a life like my parents were able to provide for their kids. We didn't worry about meals and were always well dressed.
Currently:
Don't mean to put you off,
Don't mean to put you off, but really "is the relationship worth the continual investment and stress" is what this entire site is about. Steptalk is a place where step-parents come to vent. So, you are pretty much only going to hear the bad and ugly vs. much of the good on this site. However, in some ways, for anyone thinking about becoming a SP, it is good to see how bad it can get, what to watch for, and what happens when boundaries are not set early on in the relationship.
At the end of the day, however, it all comes down to what you can tolerate (and kids). You are already at somewhat of a disadvantage because your BF has already moved in. It sounds like you are good with money but how about him? There are many issues that can come from moving in with each other too early. Do you think he'd make a good lifetime partner? Do you know enough to make that decision? Is he (and you) there, together just to save money?
You have a lot of questions you need to ask yourself. And, at the back of your mind should not only be him and his fit or behaviors into your life, but his kids' fit and behavior into your life. It seems like you are all crammed in here and thinking it can work, but the less space people have literally, around each other, the more stressful things get. For ex., would you want to sleep w/ your sibling in a teeny-tiny bedroom, even if was just EOWE? You get that while your "step-sister" gets a big bedroom all to herself? And, what is BM thinking or saying to her boys about all of this? Not everyone will see this the same as you and your BF.
Take care with this situation. The problem is, once someone moves in, even tho. maybe neither of you nor the kids were probably ready, you are now much more obligated to make the situation "work," regardless. That's what happens when you put the cart before the horse, to so speak. It doesn't always function that well. And, hopefully there are not plans for any "ours" babies yet. But, if all three of your children came from "oops" moments. . . it may not matter; you may just find yourself 'unexpectedly' pregnant.
Anyway, take a look-see on this site and see what has gone on for others in your situation. You do seem to be more focused on finances or ergonomics, but remember the stress/ psychology of the situation you are in too, and what that means for you and yours and your DH and his children, aside from being in a little space. Take care!
If you have to ask, the
If you have to ask, the answer is in all likelihood no, it is not worth it.
But, only you can make that call.
It looks like half of your
It looks like half of your post did not load up for some reason. The first half of your post does not really discuss what the problems are in your relationship, just your living arrangements.
All good relationships deserve continual investment from both parties, that is how they stay strong and evolve as we age. Relationships are never going to be 100% stress free, but a good one should add a lot more positive aspects to your life than negative ones. Of course relationships go through phases and sometimes there will be more stress than at other times, but if there is no light at the end of the tunnel or the issue causing the stress has been going on for a long time then it might be time to evaluate if staying in the relationship is best for you.
I hope you come back and give us some more details.