That's what I have - and I wouldn't have stayed with him otherwise. For me, it's the only way to survive a step-situation, especially if there is a crazy BM involved.

Actually, I want the impossible....for my wife to have done this 6 or 7 years ago but even today with SS28 at home I would find it as good as any of the 5 love languages

No.1 need?  For DH to remove his rose-coloured spectacles where OSD is concerned, see her for who is she truly is and  therefore treat her in the same way he would treat anyone else who behaves as she does.

I would like for my dh to not go into auto (defend/excuse/throw me under the bus) mode anytime I say something about skids. It would be nice to hear "I am sorry that happened". Instead I have just learned to say nothing or very little because the three options that I know I will get, just make me feel worse.

After 15 years of marriage, I do feel that things are better. The difference is I say very little to dh about the skids and I have laid down bounderies that I enforce myself.

It would really be nice to feel protected. After 15 years THAT is still a work in progress.

What I would give up? NOTHING! My dh has not had to give up anything for me to treat him as a husband should be treated. I am kind & polite. I am kind to his kids when they are around. I encourage him to have a relationship with his kids. I take care of all the gift giving, etc and I would not tolerate my kids treating him with disrespect. I have been a very good wife and a good stepmother.

man who doesn't suffer from divorced daddy guilt, and who would put his marriage FIRST, the way I have done. That's all.

While I have made sacrifice after sacrifice (reminds me of the children's book "The Giving Tree" at times)  to ensure he is happy, always, I cannot say he has done the same for me. He has not given up anything to be in my life. He's a hard worker, pays the bills (his words,and I agree) but there is so much more to love and marriage. I have told him I would much rather have the wolf at the door, and know unequivocally he treasures me the way I deserve, and we would be in the trenches together fighting whatever comes our direction.

As for what I would give up, I don't have much left to give him that I already have not given. It's as if little pieces of me have been slowly devoured, little by little, where DH's relationship with his adult offspring are concerned.

Similarly, I would never allow my kids to treat him the way his kids have treated me, and certainly not without addressing it and putting the relationship in the proper perspective. When SD did what she did to me it was horrific, but when HE DID NOTHING ABOUT IT, I felt as if someone had removed my insides, my soul, and replaced it all with tears. It was a death of sorts, and my soul still weeps when I think about it.

Thankfully, other things, and aspects of our relationship bring a smile to my face. As long as there is something to smile about and be thankful for, we abound with joy from within. A book "Healing The Soul Of A Woman" (Joyce Meyer) and a few others have helped me keep my perspective.

When DH doesn't do what he knows he HAS to do, we ALL SUFFER greatly.

I wish my DH would stop being afraid of his kids. He's afraid that if he doesn't do whatever they order him to do that they will stop loving him. On some level he knows this is ridiculous but here we are. 

His knee-jerk reaction is to do what they want. He has on occasion pushed back, but then they punish him by not speaking to him. It's heartbreaking. 

This rarely affects me, but when it does I am not shy about speaking up. So naturally I become the problem, and I totally reject that. Pffftttt, blame me if you'd like, but my position stands.

Massage table.  hahaha!  and DH learning how to be a masseuse.

All I have cared about , since I was around 6 years old, was peace. I grew up in a crazy household, but that is another story. 

At this point I want to ensure my DH protects the peace that I want. Go visit your spoiled brat middle aged kids I don't care. Let me live in peace.

It took a while to get here, but that's where we are, and his poor SDs are spinning their wheels trying to think of how to ruin it. Since I am so far removed from them, their options are limited.

"My number 1 need that I wish my spouse would meet is knowing that now matter what DH has my back and would protect me. That my marriage would be my safe spot."  Me too.  My DH has consistently shown just the opposite throughout our 28 years of marriage.  This is why I am considering a separation from DH.  There has been just too many times when I have said, "Next time it will be the end of our marriage."  It finally occurs to you that a husband should never play 'nice guy' to someone who has been disrespectful of you.

' It finally occurs to you that a husband should never play 'nice guy' to someone who has been disrespectful of you'

And this is the problem. ...split loyalties ultimately cause a lack of loyalty.

I already have it.  And I commit myself to giving the same to my bride.  She and we... are my priority.

I have to admit that when my dh & I married, we thought the kids should come first since they existed before the marriage. What I quickly learned was that although I had their best interest at heart, they only wanted to destroy the married. After a few years of that I advised my dh that the marriage HAD to come first and for the reasons I just mentioned. Putting the marriage first was very hard to get into place because we had already given these arrogant brats our power and they did not want to relinguish that power. I found myself in a very big battle to get something back that should have never been given away in the first place AND I found myself all alone. Not only was there a battle to get my power back, (notice I said my power not our power & I have to also admit that at this point I really had NEVER had ANY) and I also had a battle with my dh to be MY ally instead of his kids.  

I still can not beleive how dumb I was and the additional problems we brought on ourselves by putting dh's children first in our marriage.

I think in dysfunctional situations, these husbands have told the adult kids (at some point in time and in some way);they come first and then have to play both ends against the middle (because it does not work). Daddeee ends up messing up with all parties and eventually realizing the hard way-- the majority of the time is spent with the wife/spouse --so maybe they need to be reasonable to live peacefully in a marriage. This, of course, infuriates pushy adult kid(s), who start the guilt trip thing and the whole sick, ridiculous cycle starts over. Daddeee just will not man up and set the record straight out of fear of his own children. But, the adult kids do begin to catch on to that daddee's actions are not matching his words--in due time.

The wife/spouse has to be the priority or else the marriage with end. Marriage is not about hosting a bunch a selfish adults out of entitlement.  

.. DH would stop with the pouting and the accusatory observations that "You never liked my son, blah blah blah" whenever he has to be reminded of boundaries that we agreed on, or when novel situations crop up that require the boundaries be adjusted, however microscopically.

I behave civilly, I keep my end of the bargain, and generally do my best to keep the (sometimes uneasy) peace he and I have made regarding his son. But things change, new situations come up, and I sometimes have to re-assert or re-define my boundaries. And every damn time, I get the drama and the "You never liked my son!" crap.

It's not actually true that I never liked his son. I liked him just fine for about 15 seconds, at which point the lilttle creep attempted to jerk my chain. I clapped back (gently), and his father gave ME a dirty look.

So yeah, I don't like him and I wish DH would stop trying to guilt me about it , and that he would not pull the martyr routine whenever I insist on boundaries or resist attempts to poke a toe over them. I end up having to unpack and minutely explain  every microaggression and justify my defense against it. It's exhausting, and I end up feeling like a crazy person. It's like trying to explain calculus to a monkey.

I wish he'd just stop it.

... and I may ask it. Thus far DH's whining, bullying, guilting, and gaslighting haven't inspired me to affection for SS. Maybe DH has more tricks up his sleeve.

Or here's a thought: SS could stir himself to mount a charm offensive. Thus far he hasn't seemed interested. Methinks Daddee needs to let the spawn manage his own relationships.

It would be for my husband to stop being manipulated by SD15. It would be for him to put our marriage first. I read an article that said marriage should come first because when the kids are gone, you only have each other. And if you raised selfish little assholes you are doing everyone a disservice. Sure, when they're babies put them first. But when they're teenage c*nts that act as mini wives and try to split you up... Put them in their place. I'm at the point where I'm thinking that divorce is the only option. I'm sick of this little bitch's BS and I'm sick of my husband not seeing her for what she is. Ever since I met this girl she's been nothing but a thorn in my side. I hate her now, and I don't see this coming to an end when she turns 18... She's the type that will be sponging off of Daddy until she's 40.