His mom is a "from scratch" cook as well and always asks if I made my pie crust, are the rolls homemade, etc.

HA! Yeah, if they're baked in the oven at home, they're homemade. :-) 

That would annoy me. If I'm feeding you, don't give me the Spanish Inq. about the food prep unless you have health issues/allergies. It's kinda insulting in a passive-aggressive way (She wants to make it known that HERS are made from scratch, by GOD!)

When are they planning on giving you a head count? Can your DH give them a deadline so you can adequately prepare? That's not cool to expect you to accomodate and feed whatever number of people show up. Can he cook the dinner? I'm sure his mommy taught him how. LMAO

It's times like these I'm happy I live in England.  Two family holidays within a month of each other would make me lose the will to live. 

I used to LOVE and enjoy it and had a more the merrier attitude. Now? In a blended family, I pretty much hate the holiday's and can't wait for them to be over. Nothing is fun or peaceful........it's nothing but chaos and drama and never knowing who is going to be where and when.

Here is a perfect example of how any give Holiday goes for me...

last Christmas Eve DH and I (I always do, DH's court order says every other...so it was his turn) were to have our kids on Christmas Eve so we planned a lovely evening of food and gift opening and just haning out altogether.(there are 8 of us)...we were gonna go look at lights....play some games....you know...just really enjoy Christmas. All planned out, right?

So, now the day before Christmas Eve BM tells DH that she must have the kids on Christmas Eve for HER family's party. Of course, DH says sure...okay so now Step Kids are with BM for Christmas Eve and our plans are off. I was livid b/c this now affects MY kids who were looking forward to Christmas Eve.....so I decide at the last minute to throw together a Christmas Eve party.......I invited neighbors and friends and got a great respose for 1 days notice, so we were excited to have some sort of gathering.

AND THEN......wait for it.....wait for it.....Step Kids now get wind of our Christmas Party and it's now an hour before the party is to start on Christmas Eve.........so what happens? BM drops the skids off at our house for the PARTY for 3 hours because they "insisted" The party that i ONLY had b/c step kids were NOT going to be at our house........the party that i ONLY had b/c BM ruined our orginal plans for Christmas Eve.

So now we have the skids for Christmas Eve, and instead of having a nice family Christmas Eve like I had planned......we have a house full of people that I barely know from my neighborhood........I wanted to lose it on someone.

Fast forward to Christmas Day....the new plan for opening gifts.....BM of course is late brining skids back over. So I say F-it and let my kids open their gifts b/c we have other family coming over later and I wanted to clean up the mess. My kids enjoy a nice relazing gift opening morning...I get everything cleaned up....still no skids.....hours late....BM finally shows up with skids....(16 and 12) they come in...demand their gifts and in 5 minutes have everything ripped open without anyone even having a chance to watch or see what they got..........so now my house is TRASHED....they thew the paper everywhere and the gifts everywhere and I'm staring at it all....sort of frozen like WTF just happened.........then the door bell rings and it's both sets of inlaws arriving 30 minutes early.......I wanted to run away.
 

The moral of my story is.......this will never happen again in my house. There will never be another Holiday that I plan around skids.......I say the time, the place and everything.......if they are there so be it......if not......who cares.

I'm an introvert and perfectionist and while they are all great and fun, I'm already stressed worrying about my food and table.

This is me. I need to be able to plan things out and plan them out ahead of time. Last minute shizzit makes me more stressed. Tell your husband that a RSVP date is needed. If people cannot let you know by that date, the invitation is closed. Or, as Gimlet suggested, have it catered. Those who attend get leftovers or you can freeze some. 

Frankly, I find it extremely irritating that people cannot give you a Yes or No in a timely fashion. A number of times, I've found that they are "holding out" for something that is "more fun" OR they think they are being "nice" by deluding you into believing they might come when they have zero plans to do so. These people no longer receive invites.

Cater it. Better yet, let your DH handle that.

I would tell the MIL that she is more than welcome to bring "from scratch" rolls and pies.

So rude.

I just simply wouldn't do it. If my DH wanted to, he would be doing the cooking, but we don't entertain for Thanksgiving. Maybe a friend who has nowhere to go or something but not a big group. We like it that way!

I like to cook but hate to entertain. I never know how many from his family is going to come and they always come late. One year his mom arrived at 6 and brought a roast as if she didn't trust my turkey and then started to cook all these extra sides. Oh so you arrived late because you didn't trust me to pull this off?

It's like a 50s style Thanksgiving when she makes it, nothing is fresh and everything is the recipe off the can. Bleh. 

What sort of female thinks it's appropriate to take a swing at someone in someone else's kitchen, especially on CHRISTMAS???

She must be the type of trash that everyday trash crosses the street to avoid. Sheesh. 

DH and I love to cook and entertain. Does anyone ever come to our house? No. We make the pilgrimage to the Holy Land because that's the expectation.

Eff the expectation. Next year I'm planning a different trip and DH can come or not.

I have introvert tendencies, but the Irish in me loves a good time and I enjoy entertaining. That said, I haven't hosted any of my DH's people for the past several years. Too many games and machinations, too many takers and too few givers, and always the awkwardness of people who have nothing in common except DNA getting together solely because it's expected. I'm done with the greed, pretense, and inauthenticity.

My mom is a kitchen wizard and makes everything from scratch for just about any meal she makes.  She usually goes all out for TG.  It is always incredible. Over the years I have tried to wene her from spending days in the kitchen.  The past several years we have convinced her to let us take her to the Marriott for TG.  So far... it has worked great.

This year we are going to Europe to spend TG with the kid and some friends.  My eldest nephew and his GF are spending TG with my mom and dad.  Mom has already started her baking.

We host TG about once a decade.  That is enough. When we do, the menu is limited and made from scratch.  Usually when we host it is for 3-4 other couples.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     

Love Thanksgiving but hate to entertain.  I would rather go somewhere if there was some place to go.  I have no family of my own anymore and my son is not local. 

SK go with BM and so it is just DH and I.  Would be nice if MIL would have everyone there.  None of DH's siblings like to go to each others houses so MIL and FIL wait to get asked somewhere.  It sure would solve everything if she cooked.  And she can cook and used to years ago but never in the 17 years I have been around.  Pretty easy for her. She buys a frozen pie, if remembers to defrost it she brings it and that is her contribution! HAHAHA..

But Dh is a little embarrassed about our old house, and the kitchen is horrid - broken tiles etc.

However we occasionally have one or two people over and its a blast!

I do enjoy cooking but not for the skids who are fussy eaters, lack manners and complain about everything. This is the first thanksgiving in awhile I won't be spending with them and I am so happy. I will be with friends instead and am looking forward to it. It is all about the company you keep.