DH and I have spent the last couple of years doing our own thing. Just us. Not my family, not his family. It's wonderful.

Either you get lost in them, or overwhelmed and ignored by them.

DH has an enormous family and sometimes we take turns. This year will probably be the large local family.

How do we deal? We do shots. LOL.

Luckily things have progressed and Munchkin SD13.5 knows better than to ask if her mother, Toxic Troll can attend, this year. About 2 years back she got upset and cried, when I told her no. Cried REALLY REALLLY hard.

SD20 Feral Forger is currently looking for a new couch to land on - so she might go, just to see if there are any takers.

I took Christmas back and it was AMAZING!

Family can come to our house if they want to celebrate with us but we aren't leaving our home. We don't do presents anymore, we do experiences. We just stopped all the nonsense. 

Now, if we can just get visitation with SS under control we will be in perfect shape. However as he learned last year, no show means nothing else for you! We aren't buying anyone's love. 

I'm okay with Thanksgiving, it's one day and just about food.

I hate Christmas. I hate buying gifts and getting gifts I don't need. I hate decorating and then taking it all down again.  I wouldn't do any of it if it was up to me.

I am a Grinch. 

and on the day that skids were coming over, whether that was Christmas Day or the day after, I would increase my coffee intake for the day. However each of those coffees were spiked! TBH alcohol was the ONLY way I could make it through without feeling hurt or sad etc.

Now that I'm disengaged, I haven't even asked DH when he is seeing the skids, although he knows that Christmas Day is definitely a day we spend the entire day together.

DH is actually considering doing Christmas outside of our home. I almost fell out of my socks in shock! That means no decorating, no cooking, no cleaning, no invasion...

His reason is two-fold: 
1) SS20 does not yet have his leave dates, so he might be here and back before Christmas.
2) And this shocked me... "No one will stay for hours and hours."

I had NO idea that DH - who is fairly introverted - was so overwhelmed by his kids/skids/grands that they got on his nerves as a group!

If we actually have Christmas on an alternate date, I'm still not telling MY family because I have zero desire to associate with my bitchsters-in-law. Fingers crossed DH and I can spend Christmas day alone!

I'm right there with you. I dread the holidays. Closest family is 5 hours. Skids and my nio are 10-12 hours. Nobody EVER comes to our house for Christmas--old age or young children to accommodate.

I can't have what I want -- and that's Christmas with my OWN family. Parents gone, siblings scattered, kids with work and their own family commitments. I have to get out ahead of it next year and plan something for instead of feeling sorry for myself. But I do resent that DH and I are the ones automatically expected to travel every damn year.

I have never been a holiday person myself.  I like Thanksgiving for the cooking but that's it.  This year my plans are, and I stick to them:

* We don't go anywhere because weather is an issue, family lives far, and we are the only ones who would make the effort.

* I have Thanksgiving week off on holiday because we never have SDs on Thanksgiving and we usually go somewhere just the two of use to a local place. SD will be at our home for part of this week this year, so I'm going to be busy doing things.  A spa day is planned.

* Have a holiday party for friends, DH helps with these so it's no problem.

* Put up the tree only with others helping and my fragile ornaments remain packed away still (SDs have ruined some old ornaments my grandmother made and DH has broken/lost them too).  DH must help me take down tree.

* I make cookies only on a non-SD day.  I made the mistake of trying holiday cookies with YSD last year and it was a failure as usual, so no more.  Again.  I'm happy baking alone thank you.

*  I go holiday shopping with friends and have lunch and drinks. 

*  If YSD does not provide a list of what she would like again this year, she will get nothing but a gift cert and one thing from me, plus stocking stuffers DH buys and whatever he gets her (nothing she'll like of course).

* DH does ALL the Xmas feast cooking because I am working most of the time.

* I take a long weekend the first weekend of January to make up for my lack of work time off.

"big holiday gathering." We do it potluck style(and I make half of it, and love it) so the burden doesn't fall on one person to host it. All the kids are grown with their own lives, so it works well for all of us.

Before so many family members began to pass on, we spent lots of time in south Louisiana, and man, the food we made and ate was unsurpassed. Times change and plans also shift because of it.

For Christmas, we have also gone to non-gifting (quite a few years back actually, except to each other. He doesn't shop, so he will tell me to buy myself something with money designated for it.) The past few years we have served Christmas Dinner at our church. It's free to the community and we always have about 300 people show up. I try to find ways to get outside myself and my circumstances, and mirror "gifting" in other ways that are meaningful, (myself, my time, my talents) and I enjoy it so much more. 

I also like going to the local nursing home to visit, and I bring the free cards I collect all year 'round that come in the mail from various organizations. Their faces just light up when I stop by, and some love sending cards to loved ones or making crafts with them, or decorating their doors. 

I've learned that just because  I have pains, I don't have to be a pain to others. It actually helps me to help others, and in doing so, I forget my problems, if only for that time.

The holidays get better with boundaries in step heaven, lol, especially if you are disengaged. Make certain you define your boundaries precisely, these wimpy daddeees never or rarely say no---so, with the boundaries in place you have more peace of mind.  It took me years to define all the boundaries, but each year it gets better and better. DH knows he lives with me and the wrath of crossing boundaries, previously discussed, would not be wise if you wants to continue in his marriage.

A few years ago I had the holiday dread. Then we moved far away from skids into vacation paradise. DH does not want to leave to go into the cold. He has scheduled trips to visit them in January. 

Find out where you DH loves best, then move!  His middle aged kids keep trying to get him to go to the Holy Land and leave me at home, because the roads only go one way to where they live, and SM lives the other direction.  And his eyes have been opened. Who the heck would not want to come here, even if they had to stay in a hotel? His kids, who expect to be treated like royalty.

Totally feel you.  Holidays have never been the same.  Just bear through.   

... that I may retire completely from the business of cooking large meals and otherwise entertaining at the holidays. It's been a long time since I've actually enjoyed them anyway, and of course skid has complicated things enormously. It absolutely astonishes me how one human being can cause such strife and turmoil. Somebody here is nuts. Even so, I've had  peaceful holidays with skid occupied elsewhere for a few years now. And the past 2 Christmases, DH and I have been out of the country, exploring the tropical paradise where we intend to retire in a year and a half. We now have only 3 major holidays to get through before we leave, at which time the odds of a skid invasion will approach zero, for reasons similar to those cited by Sacrificial Lamb above.

Like I said, I may kick back. Who knows? There may be enjoyment to be had in watching others scurry around trying to make the holidays work.