I'm new here. Joined after i related to so many peoples comments on here and need a place to vent to people who actually get what im going through and understand how i feel. i have felt like an awful woman for hating these kids, but i am an amazing mother to my daughter so i know im not heartless.

Quick Back Story:

Im 26, been with fiance 32, for 2 years. Met at work, meant to be a bit of fun, ended up getting pregnant after a month and decided to make things work. DD is now 1. Partner was with ex for 10 years and have SD - 11 and SS 6 and 8.

BM is batshit crazy and an awful mother. also hates me. Pulled me out of a car by my hair when i was pregnant. Just a pure skank. Turns the kids against me. Calls me the witch or the wicked stepmother. Constantly texts the SD for a play by play on what we're doing, asking for pictures of MY house, telling her im a homewrecker, even though they had already split when we got together. what pissed me off the most is that shes a poor excuse of a mother and they think shes great. all children have told me she hits them over the head when theyre bad (which is 90% of the time) dont get me wrong there are times i want to throw them off a cliff.... she didnt take them to school for  months so we had to attend meetings at the school, her cats have infested the house and beds with fleas therefore the children have HUNDREDS and i mean hundreds of bites all over them. they never brush their teeth at her house, and their teeth are full of plaque and abcesses. rarely wash and come to our house with FILTHY toenails which makes me feel physically sick. the boys still wet the bed which angers me so much i could cry. She seems to think shes a great mum because she buys them anything they want and lets them eat junk and sweets NON STOP.

ANYWAY...

at first it was ok spending fun days out with them. Then me and Partner moved intogether and he has them Friday 6pm - Sunday 7pm EOW. Doesnt seem much but at the time feels like a lifetime.

SS - 6 is mostly tolerable, just annoying.

SD 11 used to be lovely but is now turning into a brat. she is so ungrateful, carries round teddies like a baby, cries at nightime because shes scared to go to bed??? talks in a pathetic baby voice. always leaves POO in the toilet, burps so so loudly, picks her nose and wipes it on my sofa and walls. I GO MAD. totally unacceptable. She is always sprawled across my sofa and has a face like a slapped ass.

Now onto the real problem. SS 8. The worst child i have ever encountered. Rude, loud, arrogant, spolit, arrogant. Constantly interrupting, doing the absolute opposite of what you ask. Beats up and bullies his brother. Always shouting and screaming, answers back, tells me and his dad to shut up. throws MAJOR tantrums if he doesnt get his own way. says im not his mum so i cant tell him what to do. im glad im not his mother because i would be ashamed to have birthed such a TWAT.

I feel like a prisoner in my own home. to be fair they are all ok with my DD which is a bonus, but i am dreading her copying any of their behaviour.

When it comes to the weekend of them staying at ours, i feel sick in my stomach, i have panic attacks, mood swings and im just not a good person. i dread the second they walk through the door and count down the hours until they leave. being around them makes me a horrible person. i just want to avoid them and hide in my bedroom, which then upsets me as its my house which i pay for and i feel like im missing out on time with my daughter just to get away from them. I am so sensitive to noise and their shouting and fighting makes me want to walk out of the house and never return. When your own child annoys you, you get over it because they are your child, but everything they do annoys me, they are not mine, i did not choose to have them so why the hell should i put up with it. i think they are starting to notice im distant though. if they just behaved and acted like normal humans then things would be fine, but they just dont. we plan nice days out and they always end sour.

yes i knew he had kids when we met, but it was only meant to be a bit of fun at the start. when it got more serious i really tried to bond with them, but they are their mother make it impossible. im not nasty to them and i try to make them act in the way i believe kids should act, the same way in which i will raise my own daughter.

My partner is on my side mostly and discipines them but sometimes i feel like he lets things slide which he shouldnt.I try not to let things get to me and try to ignore my feelings but i just cant anymore. i know its unfair on my partner for me to dislike his children and i try to hide it from him as much as possible but its harder and harder now. we have a great relationship until the kids come and then its just arguments. they turn me into a bitch and i dont want my daughter to see that side of me, or be around her parents arguing. My BD thinks i am just overthinking it too much and letting them get to me.

but it has got to the point now where i am genuinely ill from the situation and depressed. who knew children could have such in impact. of course im glad my partner is a good guy and sees his kids, but i would be lying if i didnt wish every day that he was an asshole who just walked away from them. my dream is for them and their mother to move away, i would even pay for the privilege haha.

i ended it with my partner yesterday but im now distraught as i dont want to let his ex and the kids end our relationship. i know he resents me for not being a 'mother figure' to them, but he hasnt been in my situation so he doesnt know how draining it is. he says it will get easier as they get older but im not sure?

another thing, he pays alot in child support and he wouldnt be able to afford a house on his own and it breaks my heart to think of him in the gutter just because i hate having his kids around. he does everything in his power to try and make me happy so why i cant i accept them? i just dont know if i can do this for much longer. well infact i know i cant.

i suggested him spending most of the weekend with the alone. and me just a fraction of it with them to try and ease the situation but the it feels like we will be living seperate lives twice a month. any suggestions?

thanks for reading if you even managed to make it to the end!!