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My Kid is Great, Hers are Not.

KN55's picture

Submitted by KN55 on Sat, 10/26/2019 - 8:33pm

Forums: 
Parenting Issues

Hi all... in need of some help!! I am a "single" military dad w/ a 3yr old son that is amazing, kind, respectful etc. I have been dating my girlfriend for 8months. She has 2 kids, 4yr old boy, 7yr old daughter. In short, her children treat my kid as a toy doll. They poke, prod, carry, bother, hurt every moment they can. On top of this, her kids whine, cry, complain and are consistently needy, saying mommy mommy. My g/fs punishment is the typical ineffective garbage, "you'll be in big trouble, 5mins timeout" bla bla. I should also tell you I've had step kids before and I despised one of them, and their mom turned into an alcoholic, so I left with my then 2yr old son! (Thank god I she gave him, or it would've been a useless 6yrs).  I guess my question is, I love my new G/f and have fun with her, but I can't stand her kids, I want to discipline, but my way (Mil way) is not like her way... I love my son but not hers... should I just trust myself and move on.. knowing that I can't stand them and what the end result will be, or do I need to talk to someone about parenting and my feelings about other people's children? I feel resentment already towards her kids and her because the way she disciplines. There's other things to be worked on as well but this is the jist... I think some opinions would help. Thanks for the assist! N-

SteppedOut's picture

Submitted by SteppedOut on Sat, 10/26/2019 - 9:01pm

I say move on, she is not likely to change her parenting and you (and your child!!!) should not have to deal with all that. 

Perhaps consider, prior to committing to a relationship, find out more about the person (and their parenting style). Also don't rush into having your son be involved. People coming in and out of his life is likely confusing. 

Kes's picture

Submitted by Kes on Sun, 10/27/2019 - 11:00am

To be brutally honest, the way you write about others and their kids, it sounds to me like you might be better living on your own with your son until he is a good bit older, then maybe look for someone with no kids of their own and no desire to have any.  You don't seem to like people much, with the exception of your son.  That's fine, I don't either, but it's best to recognise this about yourself before you move on to yet another unsatisfactory relationship with awful step kids. 

SeeYouNever's picture

Submitted by SeeYouNever on Sun, 10/27/2019 - 7:09pm

It really is tough watching someone else's kid pick on your own. I personally would not be able to stand that. How does your GF react when you talk about discipline? Talk about it like you want to come up with a joint strategy. If she immediately gets defensive then you have a long road ahead of you...

ctnmom's picture

Submitted by ctnmom on Mon, 10/28/2019 - 6:31am

subjecting your tiny boy to this?  Just go ahead and date her if you want, but "blending" your two families is not teneble. My dd's childhood best friend had her arm broken by her huge, angry stepbrother when they were both 8. It'll only get worse.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Mon, 10/28/2019 - 2:09pm

First, thanks for your service.

Look, this isn't difficult to identify but I will suggest it anyway.  You set the standards of behavior and performance for your home and then hold all kids accountable for delivering to those standards in an age appropriate manner. If they do not, apply escalating misery inducing age appropriate consequences until you get the desired behaviors from the kids.

Post the standards in a prominant place in your home and review them with your GF and all three kids regularly.  If GF refuses to parent effectively then  you do it. If she does not like that she can step up and get it done before you have to.

If she refuses to get on board, change the locks.

Keep it simple.