Ever wonder how BM was an option? How's MIL?
My MIL drives me bonkers. We might be a little lax on the boundaries in my family of origin but the concept of boundaries is more or less nonexistent to MIL. Her extra special brand of matriarch is such a foreign concept to me.
I've kept her at arms length over the years because she rubs me the wrong way but more importantly she made it very clear to me by way of words and actions (that she thought I'd never know about, or probably more accurately never considered I would) essentially declaring me a second class citizen in my own relationship.
SO avoids her like the plague and treats her with kid gloves when he has the pleasure of dealing with her during obligatory events. Turns out that's not so often, thank whatever higher power you believe in. I'm sure she thinks it's entirely my fault and not that she's a manipulative expert level space invader boundary stomper that works with BM to make SO the third wheel when it comes to parenting his own children.
Anyway, SO is at home because he can. No particular reason other than it's Friday so why not? He just texted me and said MIL just showed up.
This (not retired) woman drove no less than 20 miles out of her way, in the middle of a work day, with no contact to either myself or SO, to arrive at our house. For...? Looks like I'll be working late and running errands tonight because its Friday, I've had a long week of dealing with dumb and oh hell no.
There are times I look at the dynamic between SO & BM and wonder how many times he was dropped on his head as a child. To know SO now, absolutely none of it makes any sense. And then MIL slithers out of her den to poke her obnoxious face around and its painfully clear... of course BM felt normal, look at what raised him.
Know better, do better. Like with a moat. And a draw bridge. And heavy artillery. Ugh.
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Does she have a key to your
Does she have a key to your house? If your SO wasn't there, was she just going to let herself in and hang out?
She does not - as far as we
She does not - as far as we know.
I suppose if she was feeling extra ambitious she could've broken her way in through the sunroom. Or climbed into the hay shed, that wasn't locked.
No idea what she thought she was going to do since to her knowledge nobody was home. Seems like a creeptastic thing to do, though. Show up to someone's house uninvited with no heads up when you "know" they aren't home.
I have been having some
I have been having some recent thoughts like this, about SIL and my DH. She is mean and nasty and constantly puts him down. When she's unhappy about something it gets even worse. MIL died when DH was a young adult, so I never met her. But SIL is a real narcisstic mean girl. The red flags probably seemed a lot like his sister, so isn't that normal? At least from that perspective.
We all learn based on our
We all learn based on our experiences, right?
MIL did a bang up job in the normalization of unhealthy relationships department. Two kids. Three divorces between them before the oldest was 35.
If you are conditioned to accept undesirable behaviors and characteristics as not only normal but qualities of people you love it can be very difficult to identify it never mind correct it.
The repercussions of SOs past are beyond frustrating at times (and my situation isn't anywhere near as bad as lots here) but I try really hard to remember he was set up for a steep learning curve thanks to MIL. Breaking the cycle is very, very difficult. He's done a fantastic job thus far.
Yep, my MIL is the same. She
Yep, my MIL is the same. She plays the same games as BM. The two of them plot against my DH. For years, DH rolled over and let them call the shots. After he moved and won custody, he started making all the decisions. Neither of them like that so they constantly try to cause trouble. Its sad how much the two of them are alike. In fact, my MIL told DH that only his kids with BM are her grandkids and that she will only have a relationship with him of he divorces me. As a result, she has never met our daughter and hasn't seen or spoken to DH in several years. DH looks at it as her loss.
Oh I would love it if MIL
Oh I would love it if MIL would just go away. I'm low contact like whoa. SO is pretty low contact, he doesn't reach out to her even when she tries super hard to get him to chase after her. I don't think he's ready to go no contact, though.
Sometimes I entertain the delusional thought that if MIL would just peace out BM would chill since she'd be without her cheer leader. But BM is a nutter in her own right so eliminating MIL wouldn't magically transform BM.
Maybe I'm just a big fan of the two birds one stone idea.
Is she gone yet???? LOL
Is she gone yet???? LOL
The question is why did she drive 20miles out of her way... Hmmmm????
Sincerely, I hope it is nothing serious for the reason she made the trip.
She's apparently still
She's apparently still displacing oxygen in our house. Yay for heavy commutes.
Sure doesn't seem like anything serious (it never is with her) but maybe SO will have a good story for me tonight
I love your blogs
You have a sharp wit that makes me laugh
Most people just think I'm a
Most people just think I'm a jerk. *biggrin*
It is super weird that she
It is super weird that she dropped by when she would have assumed that no one was home. Does BM or anyone else live nearby where they might have seen your DH's car and told her he was home? Does she frequently try to get him alone, or just away from you to get in his ear about whatever?
I'm good friends with my MIL, but she is a very difficult person. Extremely overbearing and hyper-critical of everything and everyone. Really the only reason we get along is that I'm naturally pretty passive and just downright refuse to engage in conflict. As I've gotten to know her over the past 12 years, I've come to understand why my DH would have been desparate to marry 24 year-old BM when he was 18. He wanted to get away from his mom, simple as that. They were very conservative (fundamentalist might be a better description) and so there were no plans for him to go away to college - they fully intended for him to stay at home and attend seminary. Instead, he and BM eloped and moved out of state where they lived in abject poverty until DH turned 21 and went to the police academy. He obviously regrets marrying BM, but I don't think that even once he's regretted leaving his parents' home when he did.
Ooh good question. She is
Ooh good question. She is the most passive aggressive passive aggressive to ever passively... aggress?
That said, I do believe generally SO tells me when she reaches out to him if it happens at a time I'm not with him because it's usually something stupid he feels the need to relay. I don't think she attempts such behaviors but I honestly could be way wrong.
We don't live too far from BM but we are a bit opposite direction of the ILs. Our set up is super private, though. Heavily wooded and a winding driveway of several hundred feet.
You can't see the house/garage/anything parked outside until you're about halfway down the driveway. It is gated but apparently SO didn't think to close it behind him when he got home. He'll be getting grounded for that one. Ha! She wouldn't necessarily know the gate is always closed unless she's regularly skulking around when we aren't home but I'd be shocked if she was able to keep her trap shut about it.
Not sure what to make of it. Fingers crossed her broom isn't still on the porch when I get home.
Some people just have no basic manners
When i gave birth to my daughter, lack of sleep, not showered and bubs just fallen asleep as a newborn, next thing i know hubby’s adult niece with her 4 kids (including youngest psycho daughter aged 4) and husband walk through my front door (ss17.5 let them in).
My husbands niece messages hubby at work saying i’m in front of your home to see the baby!!
i was in a singlet and shorts (typical sexy wear for me) And didn’t want to be dressed like this in front of in laws. Believe me i told hubby off that no one said anything to me and your niece’s youngest daughter scratched my daughter right on her upper eyelid and her mum laughed about it.
ever since then and multiple occasions of this child smacking and hurting my kid, we do not invite her over for any family events. But in hubbys family that niece has always been this way and her daughter follows suit. She grew up as an entitled princess, even chucks a hissy fit to her husband if she doesn’t get her way
Same MIL
I think we have the same MIL.
Also, in my case DH definitely thought BM was normal because MIL had trained him to believe that manipulation, blame & shame, gaslighting, and boundary-busting were the ways that every family operated.
Dh came from trash and married trash
this concept makes sense. Dh grew up with trashy people and married an even trashier one since she “accidentally” got herself pregnant. I guess they don’t offer birth control in the ghetto lol
i told dh he couldn’t have done any worse and his response was there wasn’t a lot to choose from; they were all skanky lol
dh apparently was unaware there is a world outside the ghetto where the female species reside lol
You have my sympathy. We
You have my sympathy. We have been estranged from DH's mother since April 2018, since she behaved unforgiveably to us over a weekend we were staying there. I just decided, no more. I will never see her again. DH can please himself if he wants to re-establish contact, but I will not be doing so. And yes, I think DH married his mother first time around. Controlling, self-aggrandizing and self centred.
Turns out MIL just haaaad to
Turns out MIL just haaaad to come gossip.
MIL & BM have this arrangement whereby MIL basically acts as BMs stand in during the week. BM (& MIL) have virtually zero standards for SSs behaviors and so they act like animals. Their raised by wolves personas have never appeared at our house. They know better.
At any rate, this week's shit show was apparently so bad when MIL was leaving that BM decided rather than actually require decency out of SSs she would just fire MIL from her duties. Except her every other Fridays (for whatever reason). Which is really weird because yesterday was not our Friday and yet MIL was at our place converting oxygen. Hmmm....
MIL is butthurt enough about this decision that one she calls it being fired and two she thought it made sense to just mope in our driveway for an hour and a half until SO would've normally been home from work. Man, if I ever thought I missed high school...
MIL waited me out. She wanted to take us to dinner so she could gossip about it. Like that was literally the evening. I showed up waaay later than normal, we went to a restaurant up the street (in separate cars), ate dinner while she clucked away and then she went home.
MIL & BM don't involve our household in their charades so it is particularly amusing to me that MIL thought she had any ground to tattle let alone to us. Both women are such idiots. I can't.