Clingy SKs
So my youngest SS12 is so clingy it is making me insane. I’m newly pregnant with my husband and I’s first child together, and the annoyance I feel about it is amplified x10. He needs attention constantly. The other day was his brother (14)s birthday and we all celebrated together all day and hosted a big family party. People didn’t leave until 9:30 or 10 pm and afterwards he was whining that my husband and I wanted to wind down by watching a show together rather than spending more time with him playing a game. This morning my husband is at work and his brother is away at a camp and he literally lied on the floor outside my bedroom door waiting for me to get up for hours. I could hear him out there and I just laid in bed hiding in my own room because I wasn’t ready to be smothered just yet. When I did finally get up he’s like my shadow, inches away from me at all times while I try to make breakfast. I’m currently pretending to do work on the computer so he gives me some space but he’s come over 3x in 5 minutes to give me a hug. Some might think it’s cute, I think it’s hella annoying and I know I’m starting to respond with irritation that he can feel. I’ve tried to have boundaries talks with him and remind him constantly about my and other people’s “bubbles” but he just doesn’t get it. He’s right back in my space, hanging off of me, whispering things in my ear (biggest cringe) or following me around the house immediately afterwards. My husband has also had these discussions with him. I’m at a loss, I don’t want to snap at this kid who is just showing affection but I CANT STAND IT AHYMORE.
This is going to continue until you set him strate
Just tell him to back off, or time out in his room.
Get stern and loud. "SS, I've
Get stern and loud. "SS, I've told you repeatedly that I do not like when you do that. Stop it." He's not just showing affection, he's being inappropriate and showing poor boundaries.
Keep doing it. He's too old for that crap, and it needs to stop. No more "discussions", time for clear limits.
Hmmmmm?
Many species show dominance over others in their surroundings by mounting and humping them.
Maybe this is the equivelent of a dog humping on other dogs or on the legs of people.
Something I had not considered before.
Enforcing boundaries is definately the solution IMHO.
LOL- it totally sounds like
LOL- it totally sounds like that. You need to correct the behavior. YOU need to say something to him since he's violating your boundaries. Creepy little effer.
Sound like you NEED to snap
Sound like you NEED to snap at him.
Personal boundries is a VERY IMPORTANT thing to learn and he is far too old for that kind of behavior.
Honestly, at his age, he runs risk of being accused of sexual harrasment if he behaves this way in school.
No more talking to him about
No more talking to him about boundaries, bubbles, etc...... Time to take direct action to address the disturbing behaviors.
No more hovering. He remains 5 feel away from you or anyone else at all times unless the activities in play make closer proximity necessary.
If he wants to be near you, plant him in a chair or on the floor 5ft away. Hugs are great. Build in hug events that comply with YOUR comfort level. This kid does not respond to discussions or concepts. Time to apply behavioral boundaries that increase the comfort levels of the rest of the family.
This is way odd for a 12yo IMHO. Have you had a Psych pro or child behavioral pro give an opinion?
I agree it’s odd for his age.
I agree it’s odd for his age. But he behaves in a developmentally appropriate way for his chronological age in every other area. He’s smart, hit every milestone on time, no psychological or mental health concerns (yet - his mother is full of them so it may emerge in time). He’s just VERY affectionate. So was his brother at his age, I had to get his dad to tell him to stop kissing my forehead/cheeks so often because it was super uncomfortable for me. He listened and stopped the behaviour, his younger brother just doesn’t get it. He says “good night I love you” 5-7 times before going to bed each night. He will say it once, we’ll respond and then he’ll come into our room, say it again, come into our bathroom, say it again. It’s gotten to the point that I’ve just been like “YES I HEARD YOU. Time for bed”. I come from a family that never showed physical affection and were limited in our verbal displays as well, and that’s my comfort level. My husband is very physically and verbally affectionate, and his ex wife has zero boundaries. They’re the product of their parents I guess. I’ve worried that I’m just overly sensitive and annoyed by it but it’s comforting to hear other people say it’s abnormal for a 12 year old as well. I’m going to try being more firm and see if that works.
My SS used to sit on his BM's
My SS used to sit on his BM's lap at 12, in public. He used to come over to me and drape his arm around me and try to sit on my lap. My DH told him to knock it off whenever he'd do it, and he stopped trying.
This not a cute behavior or an acceptable one. Kids need to learn boundaries and that other people have the right to their space. You and DH aren't doing him any favors by not setting limits on it.
Sd13 has been doing this,
Sd13 has been doing this, this year, too. Plus saying "Hello" every time she enters a room or just randomly. I take it as insecurity. However it's also inappropriate at times.
I will say hello ONE time in the morning and again if I've been away from the house (the yard does not count). I just don't respond otherwise because it's ridiculous and attention seeking.
As for her standing too close, like in the grocery store or other public places, I tell her point-blank that "You are standing too close, please take a step back. You will be ok and you are making me uncomfortable." She usually goes all innocent and says "Whaaaaaaaat?" But I make her do it anyway. She's not 6.
Make your boundaries firm and insisted upon.
Does this kid have any
Does this kid have any friends? A kid his age should be more involved with peers. I never wanted to be around my parents at that age because I'd get extra chores.
Give him chores to do.
He doesn’t have many friends,
He doesn’t have many friends, and the friends he does have live spread out across the city because his mom has moved him 5 times in the last 4 years. This year they are finally going to school near our house though so REALLY hoping he makes friends in the area who’s houses he can go to to get out of our space every now and again.
It is skid's way of showing
It is skid's way of showing dominance. He is also too old to be acting this way. Does he not have any friends? It sounds like it is time for him to make some. They do this type of thing to control you. My SD would constantly want to be played with while I was talking to DH. If she knew I was over and spending the night she would constantly shout on him and want DH to come into her room and say goodnight 5 or 6 times. SS would pretend to be sick so he could stay up and watch tv in our room. It is their way of being in contol. Do not allow this to happen. Better set your boundaries and have a stern talk with DH.
Like a dog humping on another
Like a dog humping on another dog or the leg of a human. Establishing a position of dominance.
This behavior needs to be swated down any time it is attempted.