My family doesn't want my step son around
I'm at a loss. My heart and head hurt. I don't know what to do or how to get through to my 11yr old step son. I know a lot of the issues are from how they were raised from little and very different. I have a bio son that is 6yrs. We have SS every other week. While mine I have full time.
All I ask is the kids use manners, be polite and respectful to everyone. And to pick up after themselves. Lately it seems as if SS has no manners, is in charge of the little one and doesn't have to listen or talk. Never picks up dirty clothes (I'm at a point I refuse to pick up the dirty clothes)
I have talked with SS about how he is not the parent, to talk to me, bring problems to me or his dad. It has gotten me nowhere. I finally sat down and wrote up a list of rules and expectations for both kids.
6yr old is back to melt downs. Can't be kind to the older one. And getting scolded for things the older one gets away with.
I'm at a point I basically keep the kids seperated. They are arguing/bickering in less than 3 mins.
Last time I was at my sisters SS had insulted her and her husband to the point they've asked for him to not come back.
Am I wrong to put it on my SS dad to deal with him? He tells them to figure it out on their own for arguments. Or it's not addressed. It's always well he's an asshole or that it's the age.
SS Dad and I have both felt like we're getting the short end of the stick and that we aren't welcome with our own respecrive bio child. I'm at a loss. I don't want the fighting, but I also don't want to feel as if SS can parent my little and do as he pleases. He got an attitude this morning because he asked the little one to stop making car noises and I never heard him ask because he mumbles everything. So I'm the bad guy to both this morning. (BF leaves for work and I have to get kids up and to bus stops and such on school mornings)
Please help? Advise? Share your story?
How do I fix this?
The question is why do you want the toxic StepSpawn around?
Time for you to get stern with DH. Inform him that his toxic prior relationship breeding experiment will not be allowed to attend any of your extended family events nor will SS be tolerated to be with your child or near you either at home or in public. DH gets his spawn under control or he can keep his spawn away from polite society and he can stay with the spawn.
You don't fix it. DH does. And he should have zero choice but to fix it.
His spawn, they remain banished together until DH mans up and fixes his crotch nugget.
That is how I would do it if I were you.
Good luck, and don't tolerate his shallow and infected gene pool to pollute your family.
Thank You
Thank you, you made me laugh and it is the same things my sister has said. I don't like to gripe and complain about my SS. Its hard to find a common ground sometimes when it comes to being a step parent. I know it's to a point I cant fix SS behavior. And it takes a toll on me and BS due to the fact BS see's that things are not fair and SS can get away with things BS can't. I know I shouldn't stress. But I do because I care. But I pray for guidance because I know right now I don't love my SS but I want to be there for him.
Confiscate his dirty clothes.
Confiscate his dirty clothes. Eventually he will have none.
I Wish
I wish. But I have taken toys, currently has no laptop due to hiding it in blankets after wetting the bed and not cleaning it up. I wrote up a shower schedule because he has come to us before and couldn't remember the last time he showered meaning days with no shower. SS doesn't even brush his teeth without it being the end of the world. Or never wears glasses so BM called FH wringing him out about it when we remind him daily and he still doesn't do it. He'll wear them for maybe an hour then take them off. Hes suppose to wear them all day.
Also he will tell his moms and FH parents he needs things and then FH is the bad guy but SS never told him any of it. Which makes FH look like he isn't providing and being a bad dad.
Rock and a hard place.
Go visit your family without
Go visit your family without them.
Your family is well within their rights to say who is invited to their home OR private event.
I have, they never go to my
I have, they never go to my parents. Now my parents aren't the easiest to deal with but they are still my BS grandparents and the only family he knows. BS bio dad and family is not in the picture. We may try again to have them in our lives but it seems to be a behavior issues when they are around BS.
The main reason my sister has now asked that he no longer comes is due to him demanding the dogs be put up to my brother in law, myself and FH, yes they are large dogs (Mastiff and St. Bernard) but they literally sniff you then plop on the floor. Very well behaved dogs. But also proceeded to tell my Brother In Law he was an only child as BIL was going out of his way to make an extra cat toy for them to play with the cats. SS has other Step Siblings due to his mom being with someone else, but they only visit in the summer.
I've just hit a point where I'm frustrated beyond belief and I know I can't fix this. But it still hurts.
Once again it’s really DH
He is allowing SS to be that way. He not making then real people. Nothing is ever going to change until your DH steps up. What I don’t think is going to happen. It’s time for the talk of either you step up and parent your kids or I am out of here.
Please don't marry this guy -
Please don't marry this guy - he's not parenting his son, and it's already making you miserable. It's not SS's fault he's allowed to be an obnoxious jerk by his father. My DH would have been mortified if SS behaved so badly that my family didn't want him around anymore - he wouldn't have allowed it. Your FH allows his son to misbehave, and it's not your responsibility to deal with it.
You need to face facts: this
You need to face facts: this skid is a smelly, sneaky, poorly behaved brat because neither of his parents are doing their job. The skid is just the symptom, and your SO is the problem.
Why are you okay with this brat bullying your son? I know you said you're trying to keep the boys separated, but why should your son be exposed to this carp in the first place? Where are your standards, and why aren't your requiring more of your SO?
Poorly parented kids don't magically straighten out; they become worse as teens; they seldom launch in a timely manner because no one has taught them to have goals or how to live independently; and they often boomerang because they lack life and social skills. Are you prepared to have this neglected kid financially dependent on you forever?
You need to seriously consider whether you're willing to put up with your SO being a shi!!y parent and all of the unhappiness that is going to bring into your and your son's life. Personally I could not respect such a man.
Disregard (Want2). I'm still
Disregard (Want2). I'm still surprised they're on here and not banned. Always bullying people on threads. Pretty sure it's because they have nothing better to do and have some personal issues against step parents in general.
In regards to your situation, I understand how difficult it can be. I've had the same issue but vice versa with the age. I would tell DH that he needs to stop bickering at your little one and actually start holding SS accountable for his actions. I had the same issue with my DH until I finally gave him an ultimatum. He has now flipped entirely and addresses the issues now where they need to be addressed.
It's not fair that you have to deal with the repercussions of your SS. Hang in there and be stern. Don't let your DH nor your SS get their ways because it's easier for DH to just let it "figure itself out". Oh how I wish that were true when it came to Skids.