want her to do what? Does she have a room? Toys? Outside toys to play with? Has her father taken her around to meet some children her own age in the area? 

I think it is perfectly understandable that for the one day she is there she is seeking attention from her father. Your husband can redirect her attention or ask her to wait her turn when she is pushing her way into affection. 

And having raised four 8 year olds I will tell you that not one of them was on the phone with their friends at that age. They were often outside with their friends but they also lived in the neighborhood and went to school with those same children. But on the phone? No. 

The list of behaviors you have given do not amount to needing to restrict the child even further from the home. Your husband is home on Mondays and he is watching her. He isn't leaving the care to you. 

How close do you live to BM?  Are you in the same neighborhood?  If not, I think it's unlikely that SD would have friends to hang out with.  My SD is about a year younger than yours, and outside of school she basically has one friend - a girl who lives a few houses away.  Before that girl moved in a few months ago, she had no friends outside of school.  Most kids that age, in my experience, either have playdates arranged by parents or they play with kids who live right in the neighborhood.  My SD has a younger sister who is only a couple years younger to play with, otherwise I'm sure she'd be with us most of the time she was in our household.  As for calling friends, we don't have a land line, and most people we know don't, either.  I'm not sure how 8 year olds even call each other these days, but we certainly don't give the SDs our cell phones to call the cell phones of other kids' parents.  I'm just not sure how your SD is supposed to go get friends so she won't be hanging out with you.  

Also, it sounds like she's with her dad for maybe 24 hours a week.  It's only natural for her to want to spend that limited time with him.  As for your DD and her toys, does the SD have toys at your house?  Even a baby/toddler toy might look interesting to a bored kid with nothing else to do.

There could be a lot more that you're not describing, but based on what you've written I'm not sure why your husband would stop his daughter's visitation.

So from the onset you said your DH couldn't have his child in your mutual home more than one overnight? That's hellish. Can you imagine being told you can only have your child over for one night a week, and the rest of your visitation was a few hours elsewhere?

The girl misses her dad and is likely jealous that her sister gets to see him everyday where she gets crumbs. And she likely picks up on the fact that you don't like her and don't want her there. You come back from being out with your DD and she is reminded that she is an intrusive guest. Kids have no filters on their face or mouth, so it's not odd that an 8 year old would look at you the way she does.

Your DH, in my opinion, made a horrible mistake moving in with you and agreeing to this craziness as it's hurting his daughter. He can't have much influence on her when he's restricted to 1 day and a few hours with her, and those few hours have to occur elsewhere.

I don't know what kinds of trouble she is getting into at school, but I'd guess, given the other behavior you describe, that they are cries for attention. Not sure how involved BM is, but if she isn't effectively parenting, then he needs to step up and spend more meaningful time with her.

If you don't want her living with you, that's fine. But that comes with the consequence of him needing to move out and splitting his time between his two kids. His primary responsibility is raising children that aren't a burden on society. She's being a burden by acting out, and he needs to correct that, with or without your support and approval.

Some people just shouldn't be step parents.

I mean, the horror of the girl wanting to be a part of her father's life!

In another post, you stated that she is on her ipad all of the time, so how is she bothering you?

"She didn’t even used to stay over and now I give in."

Well, isn't your husband lucky to have you.

she doesn’t interact with people her age. My inlws have noticed this but skids have been so alienated from hubby and his family so there is this permanent barrier.

stupid thing is they come to family events like weddings and engagements but refuse to interact with others so hubbys family is like why bother coming??

These are the posts that I can't even imagine could be true.  What sane woman would tell her husband that he can't have his 8 year old daughter in the home he shares with his wife for visitation?  There would have to be very extreme dangerous issues at play if that was to be considered "ok".

And what eunuch of a man allows his new wife to exclude his biological child from a home that he lives in and financially contributes to?

Sorry, OP.. what you are describing puts you in a very small minority of people on this board that are either fake.. or are so completely mean spirited, selfish and controlling that they don't deserve to have a happy marriage because THEY are the ones ruining not only their own lives but everyone's around them.  Your DH is a mounds bar of a man that should put you in his rear view mirror and refuse to let you marginalize his daughter.. but nope.. he just prefers to nap through life. (though maybe his dreams are better than his nightmare reality).