We’re in an odd situation and I’m hoping we can get some guidance. My stepson is 10 and mom has been dating someone for about 6-7 months who moved in a couple months ago. 

I’ll try to keep this as short as possible. Basically, this is mom’s second relationship. My husband and I have been together since SS was 1. We get along well with his mother but we definitely don’t parent the same and I’m sure she doesn’t love the way we parent all the time either. We don’t allow TV in bedrooms or unlimited video game time and we try to encourage a lot of family time together and going out and doing things. According to SS (which may or may not be true. I’ve heard him tell his mom on the phone he just played video games all day when in reality we took him to do tons of stuff and played a game for 45 minutes) mom’s boyfriend works 3am-3pm and mom stays in bed all day and SS plays video games and watches TV all day on his own. When mom does leave she leaves him home alone to go to the gym with boyfriend. The way SS tells it they don’t leave the house much and he pretty much stays in his room. Again, I’d guess he’s given the option to stay home instead of go with to get groceries and run errands and he chooses to stay. SS is saying he misses his mom and he doesn’t get to spend time with her. She took a trip with her boyfriend this weekend and I think SS was jealous and feeling left out. It probably didn’t help that my husband asked in front of SS if BM would like to swap weekends and take SS with them and BM said that they would rather go by themselves. Anyway, this weekend we had a lot of fun stuff planned for his birthday but in the middle of his party with guests over he asked to use my husbands phone. He assumed to say goodnight to his mom or something but soon he returns asking for a ride to his moms because he’s leaving. My husband allowed it and I didn’t get a chance to really interject and point out it’s rude to leave in the middle of your party before opening gifts....they were gone. On the way home SS asked my husband to talk to BM about how left out he’s feeling. My husband told SS that he will talk to her but he has to also express those feelings because coming from dad it doesn’t carry the same weight. My husband talked to BM but in the meantime what do we do?

we usually have SS two days during the week and every other weekend. We’re at a loss, he comes over to our house and is miserable and moping and crying, actually crying over things with his mom. Then he tells us he doesn’t want to be with us he wants to be with her. Do we take a break having him over? Do we continue following the parenting plan as is and forcing him over?  

I know the focus really should be the kids and not my husband and I but we’re hurt!  To us it sounds like he’d rather be there just in case he gets time with her than do family things with us and his sibling in our home. Do we have an honest talk about how it’s hurtful to leave in the middle of the party?  I already plan on having him write thank you cards to give to his guests. I wasn’t even going to throw him a party at our house. A couple months ago when I started asking him about a party he told me he didn’t want me to do anything because this year his mom was going to throw him a party (I throw him a big party every year). So I didn’t throw him a party. Flash forward to 2 weeks before his birthday I’m getting a sob story about how it’s not happening and I throw together a party for him.