this is a great portal, for people to come to vent especailally when you are venting to a 3rd party that isnt emotionally invested. People on here can be very harsh lol.  i can say there has been one time on here that someone has written something that was like a punch in the gut.  i was venting and in the end i had stated me and my husband see eye to eye and ect... trying to convince my self that it wasnt so bad lol.  And someone wrote a very nasty comment that believe it or not i thought about the comment for like 2 days.  But in that message it was an eye opener of some harsh truth and i thought maybe we dont see eye to eye obvoiusly with how we are raising my SS and my BD and i  really thought to myself the more i sugar coat the problems the more it wont get resolved.  I can honetly say that comment stuck with me and im working everyday to try and make some heavy changes to where I actually do see eye to eye with my husband.  I do think that somepeople on here can be very harsh but in a way i feel like receiving some heavy truth to your situation could in a way help.  I agree and feel like this shouldnt be a site to judge because there really are people on here such as myself that like comming here to not feel so alone and see that others are going though the same thing and its a safe space to vent.  

I think there is a difference between "judging" and pointing out the OP and his/her partner's role in the issue.  If people want to come on here, complain and vent endlessly, and just have people show sympathy and validation, that won't be what happens.

Some people are just flat out rude. But others are trying to help you see things from a different perspective and focus on what you can and can't change.

I, personally, can't just listen to "venting" from people who blame everyone else but themselves and their spouse for issues. 

OP, you are someone who heard what people said, talked to your SO and things got better - so isn't that better than just "venting and complaining"? You actually have started to make changes based on advice here.

Ignore the nasty ones, take what you can from the others. 

I think the judgments can be extra harsh when the poster has been through a similar experience and they start projecting their perceptions on others. People are often being lashed out on for behavior that is in themselves that they don't like. We also tend to lose our sh!t with them if they're engaging in something that we'd want to do but don't allow ourselves to entertain. I know I can be passionate about things and when I observe my feelings & thoughts it's because of the emotions behind them. People can be judgemental but try not to take it personal.

Oh country mouse. This is the internet! There are judgemental, angry bitter people. There are trolls who like to start dumpster fires because they love the smell of burning garbage. And there are people just trying to help others avoid common mistakes we all make.

If you didn't want "judgements" you should refrain from posting your life's details on the internet. Every single person uses judgements in order to navigate our socialized world. Some of them may be negative judgements, but that doesn't mean they aren't valuable. 

There are people here who can be, as previously stated, extra harsh. While the truth isn't always an easy thing to hear and can be considered harsh, I think plenty of folks here try to state their opinions clearly without a lot of sugarcoating - nwhich is a waste of time and helps no one. 

That said, some can't handle facing the truth and start pitching hissy fits and calling people names. Some are going to engage with that; others are not. 

This is the internet and we, for the most part, are strangers on a public forum seeking opinion. Opinions can only be given based on the information given. Some people post minimal details because they fear discovery (legitimately so). Some post seem to twist to suit the poster's agenda. When stories get outlandish and posters get sh!tty, I'm OUT. If we all refused to respond to sh!ttiness, there would be less BS.

If your post is genuine, realize that, again, this is a PUBLIC FORUM OF STRANGERS, weed out the bad, and keep what works for you and fits your situation.

Disclaimer: the use of "you" is meant in a general sense and not specific to OP or any other poster.

Take what you need and leave the rest.

Every post here is made through another person's lense.  Similarities are uncanny at times but every situation is fundamentally unique in that no two players are the same.

You have to decide which responses are combative and obnoxious for sport and which ones appear that way because you are too raw to hear what is being said.

If one is truly unable to separate the two I would suggest a break from the triggers to address some well needed and deserved introspection.

A disagreement is not a judgment.  A passionate plea from someone who identifies with you is not judgment.  A healthy, respectful debate is not judgment.  If you feel judgment from such scenarios, look inward.

If someone is being intentionally combative or obtuse, consider the source and take what you need while leaving the rest.  

The site is an invaluable resource to the step community.  That a minority of participants seem to be out for intentional disruption shouldn't be allowed to devalue the rest of what this site provides.  It can be difficult to see that when emotions run high but it doesn't make it any less true.

As some comments have mentioned above, there are a few on this site, who are here simply to tell stepparents how terrible they are. They are not actually stepparents themselves, so in my view, what they are saying is pure judgement. 

I've found that there are 4 or 5 others on this site whose experiences are similar to my own, so typically I pay more attention to their comments, because I think they can actually provide some relevant advice, guidance, or sympathy to me. For many others, I take their comments with several grains of salt. I'm sure people view many of my comments with several grains of salt as well and I'm fine with that. I try not to be mean or accusatory, but I'm sure my own biases probably drive me to misinterpret some posts. 

As someone also said above, this is an "anonymous" forum and I've found that generally, people are more aggressive when they can be anonymous. People also tend to be more aggressive when they are typing on a computer, often saying things they would never say to someone's face. 

There are certainly a few on the site whose sole aim in life seems to be telling others how terrible they are, and make them feel bad.  I don't tend to start many threads these days, but in the days that I did, these did tend to upset me or at least piss me off.  But really they are far outnumbered by the supportive people and posts, and it goes to show it can't be that bad, I have been a member here for over 8 yrs which is a lot longer than I have been a member on any other forum!  

who are answering you are venting also.  They just are dealing with it longer and can see that it just doesn’t get better. Because we did not open your eyes in time.  We are hopping others will.  You get older and see your life past by. You see what you missed in life. Then say for what ? 

I know exactly what you mean.

There's a difference between a harsh truth, and mean girls being clique-y and making fun, ganging up on the target of the week.

Some on here have been extremely rude... and claim they're just giving advice.... give it time, you'll be able to pick them out, they tend to stick together in their targeted judgements, and tend to only be "supportive" of those they like.

They deny it of course, but you'll be able to see it... similar post by 2 people... the one they're clique-y with will get the Awww Hon poor You posts... others will get the "are you stupid?!" responses. 

Just ignore them or delete their catty crap.

Best advice “Ignore the whore”.   And that is not always BM. 

I know that I am judgemental. But I try to not always respond negatively.  I know I do not always succeed. I often want to post in all caps “How can you be so effing stupid?”  

Dup