MY kids want to go live with their bio dad!!
I’m in a blended household.
But now-today- I get an email from my ex that after 5 yrs our 2 kids DD17 and DS13 want to go live with him. He’s been discussing this with them since Dec and is even talking about moving to my part of city-30 min from where he lives.
i tried to not get all insane over it so I created a list of questions for the kids to find out why. Like “what are good/bad things about each parents house” and “what challenges do you think you might face with the change” every question had a mom side and dad side and I made DS13 answer them all first.
I got answers like dad has more freedom but the structure at moms is good. And they talked a lot about how dad needs help with a lot of things. Like pets, cooking, house maintained. DS13 said so dad can teach him guy stuff like shaving and changing a car tire.
Apparently dad has already talked to a lawyer and was told there’s 99.9% chance judge will side with kids. In Texas kids get to express opinion but judge decides in end. DD17 told me these things.
dad already sees them less than what he’s allowed per court order. Days HE ASKED FOR —DD17 says it’s cuz he said it’s too much work with school.
heres my concerns:
1. dad is not active in education or their plans/goals(DD17 is going to be a SR). DD17 blames this lack of concern on fact that I have it all handled.
2. Dad has allowed DD17 BF spend night at his house many times for over a year.
3. Dad has never parented on his own in 17 yrs for more than 28 days straight.
4. Dad has not taken kids to DR appt or Emergency sickness visits in 5 yrs since divorce and even when married last time was probably 2011.
5. Dad has flat out refused to buy kids clothes for his house as court ordered going on 3 yrs now.
6. Dad has no rules really and I’m concerned about DS13 asthma and exzema. I’m concerned grades will slip and school will be back burner. Concerned with DD17 being used as a wife/mom because dad has no wife.
Are my concerns valid? Am I over reacting being one THOSE moms?
i don’t know how to proceed or what to do next? I don’t know how to handle things like DD17 car that’s technically mine and I pay for. What do I do with rooms? DS13 and SS14 share a room. Do I turn DD17 room into a shared room for when they come 6 nights a month? Is it right to make SS14 share with someone who isn’t here?
Suggestions??? Advice??? Tips???
I find it hard
I find it hard to believe that he will get more custody when he is not exercising the custody he already has. Regardless of what the kids want, if he is not capable of taking his days as a non-custodial parent, how is he going to be capable of being the custodial parent? He may have told the kids that he consulted an attorney and was told that he will "win" but anyone can say anything. I could tell you that I am Queen Elizabeth but I don't think anyone is going to be curtsying to me any time soon! I would speak to an attorney but in the meantime tell the kids that I am their mother, I have been taking care of them all of their lives while dad got to be the "fun house", and they are welcome to move out when they graduate from high school or a judge tells them they can but not a moment before. Judges may listen to what the child wants but they are not going to be terribly impressed by "dad lets my boyfriend sleep over" and "dad gives us more freedom and he will teach me to shave." (insert eye roll)
Anyone can say anything is
Anyone can say anything is true.
the fact he’s kinda been talking with them for 6 months, sort of like grooming them... is kinda strange and unnerving.
but my first thought was “how do u want full time when u don’t take your current time? And what judge in right mind finds out he’s been letting BF stay over since she was 16 is a responsible parent”
literally my first 2 thoughts.
but everything I’ve been reading is like “you shouldn’t fight the kids. Boys this age always wanna live with dad. It’s normal for teens to want the change”
I am sick
I am sick to death of the "let the kids decide" child-centric culture. How has it been at all successful? There are always exceptions but on the whole kids are living with their parents longer, driving later, delaying full-time employment and schooling, and there is even a word coined now - "adulting" - for just basic living skills that people have been doing forever because suddenly they are "hard" and "optional." Kids need to be guided and taught. Not told that they get to make major decisions for themselves. They don't get to choose how to live their lives until they can pay for them themselves. And any idiot who is letting a boyfriend sleep over with a 16 year old girl should not only NOT get custody but he should be forced to carry around one of those robot "practice babies" until he comes to his senses! Ugh!!!
I’m all about life skills for
I’m all about life skills for my kids. My DD17 files her own 1099 and all. Knows about credit and banking. Im about launching them into society not being whiny and needy.
The whole BF thing... when I found out first time I sent ex an email reminding him that’s how DD17 we created-because my mother was naive and not concerned. I got pregnant with DD17 when I was 17 had her at 18. He said he installed NEST camera. Well that was a lie. Both kids told me so.
You were teen parents
You were teen parents and he is letting the boyfriend stay overnight? Maybe I am making too much of an assumption but it can not have been easy for you two. Is that what he wants for her?
It's incorrect that Texas
It's incorrect that Texas courts will side with the kids. As they are over 12, if either parent ask the judge to speak to the children then the judge will speak to them.
But the items you are listing as to why they say they want to live with dad, a judge will see right through. A judge Is unlikely to upheave their life like that.especially as Dad isn't even exercising his days now.
I told them judge will hear
I told them judge will hear their opinion but ultimately decides for them and us as parents.
My leading arguments will be how he takes less than his current time, let’s BF sleep over, never had kids more than 30 days in his life, not involved in school and education.
But I think all 3 of them are banking on if he moves to my area the judge will say yes.
I also said what if judge says yes to DD17 cuz she’s almost aged out-but no to DS13? Cuz she said she’s only going to be with DS13.
I have a hard time believing
I have a hard time believing that a father who is not exercising his current parenting time because he's too busy could legally come and take the kids away from the other parent with a judges blessing. The first NO NO he is doing is including the kids in custody/parenting time decisions. Most judges frown heavily upon this. The kids should not be involved in the discussion, process and/or making the decisions. I doubt a judge would switch custody because dad's house has lax rules.
You definitely should get a lawyer and be preemptive about this. Yes, use the same one you've used before. It sounds like he did a good job before and is already familiar with your situation. If he does move closer he may get more time. This is something you can settle on without having to go to trial. I personally would not just allow him to come in and take the kids because he needs help with the dog and the house. The oldest will be 18 soon and can make up their own mind soon enough. The 13 yr old is getting his ear filled with thoughts of freedom and manly bonding. More freedom for a 13 yr old boy may not be the best thing for him.
What is your current schedule?
What is the current schedule? You said you would end up with them 6 days a month.
Why not offer 50/50? I don't see a judge completely switching custody time - but I could see one offering your ex more time. If he doesn't take the time he has now, he probably won't take the extra time and things won't really change. Most judges won't change who is primary without a very good reason. I don't think any of the reasons they have given you qualify.
As an aside, is she on birth control? One that she is using properly? Your ex might end up with 3 kids living with him instead of 2!
I asked the kids what is
I asked the kids what is their ideal schedule, what would they like.
Dd17 said open door policy-so if she wants to pop over and eat dinner at moms she can. If she wants to hang out over here random she can. She sounds like she wants to freely float between each house as it suits her mood or whom ever is doing the better thing.
DS13 says he wants like a 2/3 schedule. Like in 30 day month 10 at moms-20 at dads.
I asked what about week on/off-50-50 because that’s a thing too. DS13 said that’s too much switching. He has a friend who does 2 weeks on/off all school year and he doesn’t want that either.
I’m not a fan of open door because I plan things. And I don’t intend on telling kids who aren’t here that day/week what I’m cooking each night just to see if they are coming.
Yes DD17 is on birth control. I made sure of that. I can’t control what happens at dads but I can at least try to make her safe.
What concerns me, asides from
What concerns me, asides from the BF sleeping over, is that they’ve said they want to live there because dad needs help. My guess is he’s been guilting them into thinking he’s got it rough & he ‘needs’ them to be there. Then sprinkling it with all the benefits & freedoms they’ll have, when really what he wants is for the kids to take over care for the house & animals.
Considering he’s been a lazy father from what you’ve written, I wouldn’t be surprised that this is what he’s thinking. He seems to be failing to realize that raising kids is actually work, and they aren’t just there to help around the house. Getting their help is part of it, sure, but kids are work. Something really doesn’t seem right about this.
This sounds like dad working
This sounds like dad working them to get them to come live with him - look up Parental Alienation. No way was it appropriate for them to hatch a plan for 6 months without talking to you about it. That's what makes me suspicious. A healthy parent would have sent the kids back to talk to you about it, or called you as soon as the kids brought it up.
The 17 yo will likely get her wishes, but the 13 yo won't necessarily.
Sorry, this is hard stuff. I'm guessing Dad is bribing/guilting/pressuring them.
I remember way too many of
I remember way too many of your old blogs under your previous account not to know the hardship you gave Dad in what efforts he did do in parenting. Not to mention all the bragging you did on all the CS he had to pay.
But I am surprised to hear this new desire to change households. No, I don't think PAS is at play (if anything it seriously may have long been attempted from the opposite end).
Instead of this huge switch of custody switch, it's probably time to offer to renew the current schedule, offering more time to Dad and see how he does with it. Per your usual statements, he wont be taking all of it anyway. Texas being Texas, he'll still be in for current CS amount, but the kids and Dad both would be getting a real taste of just what they are asking for. And none of them will be liking it nor functioning well. End of experiment.
Talking with kids for 6
Talking with kids for 6 months about wanting to live with you, and even consulting an attorney before you include the other parent in the discussion, is alienating behavior.
No matter what she may have done to him, allowing the kids to have this "secret" from their mother for so long is alienating.
I agree I have given him a
I agree I have given him a hard time because he acts like a child and after 5 yrs he still thinks he’s above the law. I have emails from him within the last year stating that if he thinks a part of the C/O is dumb he isn’t going to follow it. Just last summer he gave me less than 24 hr notice that he would be flying the kids out of state for a vacation. C/O says 45 notice. He hasn’t given 45 days in years. Most of the time I get a “I might take the kids somewhere this summer. But I’ll let you know” then 1, 7, 10 days before I get an email. He has NEVER paid 50% of his medical costs like when DS13 got real sick last spring and it cost me $300 in dr and RX-including a $70 inhaler to go to dads.
But I don’t run over and take kids and I don’t deny them medical care because he won’t pay.
He seems to negate the large things and small weekly visits work out just fine. And there’s more of those than big things.
I don’t think he is trying PAS but the timeline of this all runs right along with me filing for CS reduction. Yes-reduction. He’s been telling me for 2 years the reason he can’t provide clothes and such for kids is because he lost over $1200/mo in pay. (I even consulted men I know and he knows in the job field )So I finally said-fine. I’ll file to reduce it and get it all on the up/up. I anticipated losing money. Like $200/mo maybe or more. We even worked together on it, he would email me saying “hey they need this from you can u send it in” and I would. It’s been an ongoing process since End of Dec. 1 week after we get letter in mail with our hearing date and the verdict that CS is actually going up-he tells kids a realtor coming to value house and he’s going to move to my part of town. Our hearing is one week from day he emails me saying kids want to live with him.
Coincidence? Maybe.
Yeah, I remember that dad is
Yeah, I remember that dad is LEO and that's the No. 1 reason he hasn't taken all of his custody time. Now that the kids are older, childcare isn't such a factor for his long shifts. That would by my guess as to "why now." This dad has always wanted to be an active part of his kid's lives, but OP has been undermining and diminishing his role since Day 1, all the while trying to convince everyone here that she is the rational one.
He is LEO still. He now takes
He is LEO still. He now takes kids on weekends-even tho we hashed out a “dad gets to pick his 2 days with kids” schedule. Dad also gets to pick ANY 4 weeks in the year in lieu of 30 solid days in summer. The days he has missed for last 2 years is 3 days per month that he asked for and got. And the 3 days can be any days rolled into his other 2 days EOW giving him 3 days instead of 2. He also doesn’t keep them fri/mon when it’s his weekend or school holiday-he sends them home after the 2 standard nights.
Does dad want to see his kids? Yes 100%. Does dad love his kids? Yes 100%
but dad doesn’t go out of his way for kids or take them all his days or ask for MORE days because he wants to see them so much. If he’s jet setting on trips 3-4 times a year without kids, that doesn’t seem to be interfering with work... if work doesn’t stop him from fun why is it stopping him from kids time?
His 4 weeks a year are suppose to be (C/O stated not just my thoughts) his time off work days so he can spend time with kids. Instead like this summer(and last) he takes them between 24-28 days and only has 7 of them off. I can’t stop him.
But work isn’t getting in way apparently, so why hasn’t he stepped up more in last year? Or 6 months? How come he doesn’t ask for more time? Even if he asked and I denied it would building his case right?
I am also concerned about the
I am also concerned about the whole 6 months of convo. And he’s told them he’s selling house. He’s provided details of how he will build one and it will be complete in Oct and how when school starts they can drive back/forth to school from his house 30 min away until new house is ready. How he’s talked to lawyer.
All the details they seem to already have worked out is astonishing.
Dad said he didn’t bring it up to me for so long because he wanted to make sure it’s what they really wanted.
Things like they don’t have clothes there and he refuses to buy them-kids said “dad said that will change once we live there”. Fact he doesn’t have actual food to eat in house kids said “dad said he will start buying food once we live there but it doesn’t make sense when we don’t live there”
lots of things that dad has told them will happen when they live there.
Dad has always presented himself as more needy. They give him gifts at holidays because if they don’t he gets upset(he sends DD17 links of things he wants)and use the line “I have to ____because dad will be upset if I don’t “
dad loves the kids. Dad sees his kids. Dad feeds his kids. Dad pays child support. It’s more than a lot of dads do. But dad doesn’t do school stuff or medical. Dad does fun stuff. As kids said-we do more at dads like movies and theme parks and going out to eat. I of course explained that when dad has limited time is easy to make it fun filled and forget about mundane tasks.
He’s manipulating them.
He’s manipulating them. Probably has been waiting until the younger one turned 13 in the misguided notion that the court would let them choose. Their reasons for wanting to go there are clearly not healthy.
Why do people
Why do people continue to think that? If there was ANY state where the judge automatically let the child choose for themselves at a specific age, why would the court waste their resources with those cases? The law would be that custody cases could only be put to a judge up to that age and after that the judge would have no decision making power.
It's a urban legend that won
It's a urban legend that won't go away. Judges do give kids more of a voice at 12 and up, but not decision making power.
I think judges want to hear WHY
The problem is kids lie (IMHO, not just COD, all kids lie at times, and so do adults). What gets dangersous is when they are devious enough to include some truth (like stepdad travels a lot for business, mom has to work long hours and then care for his kids, has no time for us).
Hugs
If you can document that he lets the BF stay over, that would be a major issue where I live. Yes, the other items would be issues too.
I do not know how much time he gets now, at most I can see him getting his time increased. And where I live, by the time it gets settled DD17 will be 18.
And I doubt he will follow through with what he promises
What is SR?
I can document that BF has
I can document that BF has stayed many times and he even went on a week long vacation last summer. I have grandparents to testify he’s been there as well.
I get that DS13 wants dad time and they do guy stuff. Just in May DS13 asked if dad could take him to that marvel movie when it wasn’t dads time. I said sure! They went to movie and dinner. All on moms time. And I’ve never said dad isn’t allowed to teach him to shave to mow a yard.(DS13 asthma may stop him but EX hasn’t thought that far ahead yet).
If EX started to put in more effort in last 6 months, took them ALL of his days asked for extra time, attended school stuff, showed interest. I might of said “oh well he has been stepping up lately and showing effort. He’s trying.”
im not against 50/50 if dad lived closer. But I think dad would struggle adhearing to the dates listed. And I would still be concerned about school slipping . Not to mention I’d have to do ALL the parenting and sick calls from school and projects and doctor appts but it will be MORE work/effort on my end because they are only here 50%. Harder to get kids to knuckle down when u only got 1 week.
It's a lose/lose, isn't it?
It's a lose/lose, isn't it? If your kids want to move, you preventing them from doing it makes you a monster, and they resent you.
If you do end up winning in court, it'll only be after spending an insane amount of money on lawyers.
If Dad's is terrible, would it not be more wise to allow them to move, and if they were raised correctly, they will see that it's not what's best, and come back? If Dad is terrible, why not appease the children, and have them come back?
Does it 100% for certain, without a shadow of a doubt, have nothing to do with child support payments stopping?
If he's got them unsupervised already, he's obviously not abusive to them.
So I guess my biggest concern
So I guess my biggest concern was DS13's answer with dad needing help. To me it feels a bit like their dad has guilted them a bit that he needs help, so they feel they have to be responsible. That would be my number one concern. That it's not that they REALLY feel they need to be with dad, but it's that they feel they need to help take care of him.
I feel your concerns are completely valid, and are something that you should bring up should this go to court. I'd also be worried with DD17's BF spending the night. Teen pregnancy is no joke. And can really stunt someone's life (some people make it work, others use it as an excuse to basically be at a stallmate, and kids are EXPENSIVE).
A judge may end up saying yes, but he probably didn't give his lawyer all the data, like the fact DD17's BF is spending the night, or the fact that he hasn't been involved in school at all. Kids in most states can be heard at 13/14 age, but that doesn't mean their word is law.
You have a list of concerns that would worry ANY caring mother. And the answers to the questions from the kids are just as concerning imho.
The dad needs help theme has
The dad needs help theme has been on going since day we told them we were getting divorced. He hasn’t matured any in that regard. At 12 DD17 was worried her father would die from diabetes because he doesn’t eat well and if I left it would be down hill for him.
When kids said to me last night -when dad asks us to unload dishwasher we don’t mind because we are helping. But when you ask us it’s like a chore.
I straight up told them-that makes no sense!! I don’t berate them. Most days I leave a note-unload dishwasher after school.
There has been many talks in passing over years and constant theme is dad needs more help, gets more sad. Mom takes care of business, doesn’t get mad at us when we do our own thing.(like with friends)
last time we went to mediated settlement post divorce(2015)because I wanted to change school and EX didn’t want them to(I was allowed in end) EX didn’t tell his lawyer all the facts. When I showed up with proof mediator took it over to his room and that pretty much sealed the deal. After that my lawyer called to get something from his and was told that EX was no longer her client and to never call about him again. Maybe it was due to not providing facts? I dunno.
Your right. It could be a
Your right. It could be a lose lose. And the thought of a “trial” run has crossed my mind. Let them see grass may not be greener. Let dad handle all the school stuff and grades and getting called out of work for sickness.
But being who he is and how he is-i doubt he will let them come on trial and still pay CS. CS is run through the state. Neither of us have control.
not to mention he may not even live in my area when school starts but kids got plan already they have worked out with dad how DD17 will drive them 30 min each way every day until dads new house is done being built in OCT.
Best of luck to you. I hope
Best of luck to you. I hope it doesn't destroy your world if the CS payments are reversed.
No it wouldn’t. But I also
No it wouldn’t. But I also only make $30,000/yr and he makes over $100,000 so I also know it wouldn’t be same he pays. And in TX my now hub income isn’t factored only mine.
I'm so sorry you are dealing
I'm so sorry you are dealing with this, that had to be heartbreaking to hear the kids want to live with their dad. Just know almost all kids would choose to live at the fun house given the opportunity but that doesn't mean it is in their best interest. The fun house and the house with the best parent are usually not the same. And I don't agree with letting kids choose either - my 11 year old SD is currently living with her mother who just recently came back into her life after us having her full time for 6 YEARS due to BM's drug use, because everyone is letting her choose
I don't think there's going to be much you can do about your 17 year old since she will probably be an adult or at least close to it by the time you actually get a court date, but the 13 year old still has plenty of time so I would fight this!
Your EX doesn’t seem like
He runs his life with structure. Everything is a house of cards. Having to sell his house, building a new house, Nothing gets done on time. So say goodby to October, You are letting the kids dictate the schedule. I get your point. Kids are going to do what they want at BF, and you will still be going all the work.
Your kids most likely are having problems with your SK, ,Feeling they are on the back burner, not getting 100% of your time anymore, has to be more peaceful at BF, they can talk to BF with out be interrupted, Don’t have issues with SF bothering them.
You have many issue at your hone, Have to.
I actually do more with my
I actually do more with my kids than my steps. We go out to eat, movies, shopping, movie night at home and even just plain old eating dinner at the table. I stepped back from skids a lot. And most of time SS14 doesn’t even want to leave Xbox so it doesn’t matter. My DH works on road now so he’s home a few days here/there. And in between contracts home about 6weeks solid. And he’s about to leave again and prob shipping SS14 off to other state for summer to grandmas.
One of the Pros my kids had about my house was that it’s quiet and peaceful.
Let them Go
1. You have no idea who brought up the idea of them living at dad’s house first. It could have been the 17 year old and everyone else liked the idea. Or maybe it came together slowly from everyone little by little. Kids talking with a parent about something they want is not parental alienating behavior. Shaming kids for talking to another parent is.
2. Talking with a lawyer about his options is also not alienating behavior. He’s talking to a lawyer.. to find out what his options are legally.. that’s his right as a free American.
3. You are doing the same thing Dad did about talking to the kids instead of going to him directly to chat about it. I am struggling a bit with your questioning and pros/cons list. It smells way too much like my mom’s way of grilling for information until she finally got something to latch onto and tear your whole line of reasoning apart. The only way in the world to do things is her way and woe to you if you disageee. I’m wondering if some of the weak answers you got for reasons were the kids scrambling to support an unwinnable discussion.
4. Let them go. Either they will spend a majority of their time living like Lord of the Flies or dad will put on his big girl panties to flourish as a parent or they will get sick of the lawless craziness and want to come back to your house. It’s a learning experience and why shouldn’t dad have the same rights you do for having his kids live with him..,
5. Wait.. is this about child support?
6. You are absolutely miserable living with your selfish, disgusting stepkids. How do you think your biokids feel? They go to dads house and don’t have to share their parebt’s time with assholes who won’t even wash their sheets. I’d be feeling pretty resentful if I thought money coming into the house for my care was going to feed a 20 year old with a job.
1. No I don’t. I asked and
1. No I don’t. I asked and they stuttered. DD17 said she was only going cuz DS13 wants to go.
2. I’m not saying a lawyer is bad. But telling kids a lawyer said he will win?
3. I asked dad, no reply. I did learn this morning tho that dad asked my mother to come to his house and talk to him about the kids yesterday. She declined and said she didn’t want to be involved. I wanted to see how the kids felt. If they had legit reasons or just cuz it’s fun. Help was a theme for almost all answers on dads house. And eating out. DS13 even said that he likes how I keep up with him and school work and make him do well. And he said knows that he needs that because sometimes he likes to be lazy.
4. It’s not as easy especially when DD17 seems to want her cake and eat it to. Wants to float to which ever home is providing her more that day.
5. Is it? All dads talk started when I filed for Mod. And he was aware cuz they send letters. And he was aware I was anticipating for it to go down. 1 week after it’s decided it’s going up(amt unknown until next week hearing)and we were given a hearing date dad calls realtor for selling his house?
6. I’m learning to deal with skids. As do many on this forum. And after some searching in myself and finding what works it’s been better. And DH knows where I stand. And I’ve ALWAYS raised my kids to know I’m about THEM and how they turn out not how skids or friends or ppl on TV turn out. All in all it’s allowed me to focus more on my kids. I do a lot with just them now. Maybe they are sick of too much of me? Maybe that’s it. (No one supports the 20 yr old but DH. She no longer eats at home and sleeps there only 3 days per week)
After I commented, I went and
After I commented, I went and read some of your past posts.... I would not be surprised if your skids aren't one of the main reasons for your bio kids not wanting to be there. I would talk to the kids and make sure this is not the case because I would pack my stuff and leave in a second if it meant choosing between staying with skids or having my bio kids live with me.
This.
It seems like moving in with their biodad, free of the choas of your home would be what's in their best interests. They'll get a parent without the filter of a stepdad or stepsiblings, who are a terrible influence on them to begin with.
I'm sure he'll bring that up in court, and it will be a shining jewel.
If it is the child support that you're worried about, the only way you're going to get out of that is to mediate with him, where he doesn't pay, but you also don't pay. He might say yes, you never know.
In all the answers they never
In all the answers they never once said a thing about skids. DS13 pro was even fact he had a room at my house(even tho he shares with SS14)at dads he sleeps on a couch. DD17 said she likes moms house because her room is nice, I cook good food. DS13 added it’s nice that I’m home after school when they need me and sometimes dad works until 11pm. They like dads cuz he has fun pets that need help (dad has 3 dogs and cat-mom has 1 dog 1 cat) , dad takes them places like movies and out to eat and mall. DS13 said dad eats kid food so they always like it, moms house sometimes I cook things they don’t like.
Do you think maybe they just
Do you think maybe they just don't want to say that because they don't want to come between you and your husband? I don't know, just playing devils advocate. They know they don't have to deal with it at dads house so its just easier for them to be there? Not sure how bad things are with the skids at your place.
If they didn’t have an issue
If they didn’t have an issue saying things about me or my ways they didn’t like I doubt they would have issues saying it about someone who wasn’t related. It makes more sense that they are afraid to hurt my feelings. They know darn well I go above beyond for them and not skids.
The whole devils advocate I get. I didn’t want to rush home and start yelling at them-how dare they or whatever. I didn’t want to be texting them. I’m not gonna promise things to them or threaten things. Which is why I sat down and wanted to see if their reasons were legit for wanting to live with dad or was it promises and guilt. I wanted an open dialogue and honesty. I asked them if they worried about anything. I asked if they had any needs not being met at my house or dads. I even asked them if they had any questions for me at the end.
I just didn’t want to be crazy and I did think “what if they genuinely just want to live with dad but not because he promises them things and gives freedom and goes out to eat”
like what if they miss him, enjoy his company, helps them with things like school or life skills. I didn’t get any of those answers tho. The closest I got was he is easy to talk to. I guess I was looking for was something like “we really enjoy dads company and we want to try living with him and we miss him and he is a good dad.” I guess I wanted heartfelt answers to make me think it’s not absurd and I didn’t get much.
they said his house is more crazy cuz of rowdy pets and his in/out Girl friends. His current one DD17 has to block her number. Maybe they like the drama and chaos?
You sound like a good mom.
You sound like a good mom. Maybe they do just want to live there because they have no rules and its the fun house. My SD jumped at the chance to live with her mom because its the same way with her. Kids don't usually choose based on which house/parent is in their best interest. They want to be where they have the most freedom.
Nope. If you do not agree,
Nope. If you do not agree, the odds of it happening are about slim and none. Get your own attorney. Make them a shark that will shred your X and his attorney. An attorney telling their own client that there is a 99.9% chance of an outcome is horseshit at best and dishonest at worst.
We had this talk with my SS. The message was that his mom had full physical and legal custody and she would not agree for him to go live with his SpermIdiot. Interestingly SS knew this before his mom even said it. He had just returned from a SpermLand visitation where SpermGrandHag loaded him with the usual guilt about CS taking food out of the mouths of the three younger also out of wedlock SpermIdiot spawned half sibs by two other baby mamas and if SS wanted he could come live with them. That is not how it works.
Particularly in Texas. A change of custody takes far more than Daddy's lawyer telling Daddy that it is a sure thing and kids whinning that daddy needs them to keep his house clean and cook for him. And.... teaching a kid to shave and change a tire can happen in about 1 hour of a visitation.
Yes, your concerns are valid. No, you are not being one of "those" moms.