I am happy; because I left my step-hell situation.

Had I not left, I very likely would have had a damn breakdown. I was so on freaking edge trying to keep my baby safe from my exSO's nightmare child and lack of sleep.

I go back and forth.  Right now, I’m happy, it took a lot of work on my part (mostly disengaging), and some work on DHs part.  He still sucks at parenting SD, but at least he recognizes that I really don’t like having her around, especially when she’s behaving like a brat. He’s gotten better at recognizing her bad behavior and making sure I’m not subjected to it.

All in all, if I didn’t have kids, I probably would have left a long time ago.  One thing I know, I’m not subjecting my kiddos to a divorce and subsequent stepfamily life unless DH does something so terrible I can justify having them all to myself.  Once my kids move out, if SD is still around she’s welcome to have her craptastic dad to herself, and they can have all the codependent drama fests they want, I’m taking my 50% and running to my happily ever after.  

Step life including a Disney dad, skids, double standards for my kid, and a house that doesn’t feel like a home? No. 

Everything else? Yes. 

Overall yes. I definitely don't have it as bad as many others on this board. 

There's a lot of flaws in my situation mostly with DH's subpar parenting. But SD isn't terrible about 80% of the time. I don't know what she'll be like when she's a teenager though. 

Don’t mean to gloat here, but I am very, very happy. My Dh and I have a great life, and I have not seen Ss34 in over 2 years. Life is good.

My DH’s parents both died young ( early 50s and 60s) so I never knew my them. His 4 siblings and their spouses are great as are their now grown children. 

Oh my gosh, yes.

Being a stepmom isn't the greatest thing, but my husband sure is. We are going through so much right now with our 19 month old who has never slept well at night. He has an ear infection and a cold so the last week has been hell. All while we're currently putting an offer on our first home, packing to move, and both working opposite shifts - me during the day and him from 5 pm - 1am. Yet he still offers me all the support in the world. He takes our son after only sleeping a few hours so I can get solid rest. He pushes me to do things for myself. He's just incredible. My absolute rock. Even though times are hard, I feel like I have a fairytale marriage. <3 

I think it’s important not to confuse being unhappy with one’s life vs being unhappy with one’s marriage. 

Many people talk about how hard marriage is and how many ups and downs there are. LIFE is hard with many ups and downs - but hopefully most of the time the marriage helps rather than hinders. 

I’m pretty happy. I’ll be happier in 1.5 years when CS ends and BM has no more legal hold over DH. We went through some dark times and came out intact. The future looks good. 

But the world I live in is like a day at the beach when you see clouds coming in.  I do not know if it will rain, but I worry.  I worry if DH's ex dies, becomes disabled, etc.  Right now, she lives right by the local community college, which is the only school that DH can afford, and only if they live at home.  I realize things may change, but i pray.

Yes, I'm happy.

I found this site when my eldest SS was being a 15 year old douchebag. Now he's 25 & an amazing young man. My other skids & my bios have been thick as thieves since the day they met & give me normal kid issues (occasionally not doing homework, flaking on chores, refusing to wake up) but all have above 3.5 GPA's, work 15-20 hours weekly & are good, responsible kids, overall. 

And I married my bestfriend. A man who is a wee bit easy on the kids (but equally easy on all) but is 100% there for ALL of them. He adores me & understands "first priority versus first responsibility". We've been through the hard stuff & are now enjoying our very large, very happy family. 

And BM has basically peaced out since all the kids chose here, FT. Now if we can just get a court date to stop child support

Honestly, I do not think happy people would search for these forums. They would be on culinary and travel sites instead, looking for a next excellent meal they would cook for their lovely family and next trip they could do together.  Maybe I am wrong.

I myself  am happy sometimes, like EOW when DH is not visiting. I am very sad and anxious every time I have to visit ILs and see the boy. It is globally positif but before this marriage I was happy all the time, like 100 %. I have an interesting job, many friends, nice hobbies. I used to travel all around the world and I never had to worry about other people’s kids. 

If I had possibility to go back in time, I would never do it again. 

Funny you ask that, I have been debating this in my own head the last couple months. I love DH to the moon and back, I feel he is a good man, he is honest about his daughters actions, he isn't a Disney Dad or Guilt filled man who caves to evil BM's demands and daughters actions. For this I am thankful, even if one heated evening recently I said "I don't really care if SD comes back to our house" he knows the level of anxiety all of this has been creating, I feel sick all the time, I worry when and where SD will appear and under what terms. I know he wants a relationship with his daughter but he isn't very good at managing that on his own. So the drama, the neverending bullshit from BM, a defiant and rude teenager who uses us for whatever she can, that all makes me incredable anxious and sad.

When SD is with her mother, when we have a loving peacful home that isn't constant drama and noise, and we are not spending all night talking about BM or SD, then yes I am happy.

I know all of this is occupying too much of my brain, it's not healthy and I am sure my support system is sick of listening to the craziness and I feel like I am a burdon (hence why I am here)

My own life that I made is happy, the life I agreed to be part of sometimes makes me wonder.

I'm happy with certain things.  I love our home, DH makes me laugh & he works really hard to be the best husband he can be, we genuinely enjoy one another's company. We've got a baby due very soon & I'm thrilled to be a first time mum, and as stepkids my SS's aren't bad (though I've struggled big time with my feelings towards them the farther along in my pregnancy I've gotten).

At the same time, if I could have met DH without all the baggage, I'd choose that option in a nano-second.  Or a different husband & a happy marriage but without the skids. 

I never wanted to be in a relationship with a man who's got children, and there are absolutely times where I look back at my decision & wonder why TF I chose to be in a relationship with a man with kids when I knew I didn't want that for myself. 

Am I happy?  A lot of the time.  But it's complicated, and I definitely harbour resentment towards the situation.  I used to think DH was a fantastic dad, but now I'm not so sure. He does some things really well, but others he fails in and it's becoming more & more obvious to me lately.  We will see how it all pans out.

My daughter was born in this marriage, and that's the happiest point of my life. 

If you took her out of the equation, I'd back out. 

When SSs are not around and DH and I can do our own thing without prying eyes or judgment, I’m happy.

When SSs are around and I feel like I’m expected to entertain, tiptoe around, and watch everything I say and do knowing it will go back to BM, I’m miserable. When I’m around MIL and she feels the need to tell me how wonderful BM is or more comments about how terrible other stepmothers are, I’m miserable. When I think of having to deal with all this BS for the rest of my life, I feel very unhappy. 

I’m working to do more to elevate the things in my life that make me happy and minimize the things that detract from my happiness. 

Depends on the day.

I love DH. I love the skids. I love my furbabies that I wouldn't have without having been here (puppies of DH's dog), especially my goofball who's probably my best friend. We have some amazing times. Great moments in life, and genrally it's not a bad life.  Plus moving here I've made some really great friends I'd never have met that have had a great impact on my life.

However, I've also had a LOT of heartbreak and heartache.  Dealt with more crazy people that I'd EVER have let into my life.

So some days it's a tossup. But it's my life. And right now the scale tips further to the positive.

If I had to go back and I could see it though. Idk what I'd be doing.

I guess I could say I am now...I was unhappy for many many years until SD got older though.  DH also made many changes-hence why I recently married him after being together 10 years ha!   

I'm not 100pct happy though as the struggles with my oldest son take a real toll and finances are very very strained at the moment as well.  Everyone is looking for jobs (I'm gainfully employed and have been forever now ha).  

Sometimes I wish I hadn't had children to be honest.  I don't think motherhood was for me.  I should have been a furbaby mom.   I love my youngest to pieces and he's a great kid...but my oldest shares so many personality traits of my ex it's hard to even like him to be honest. I do love him, just don't like him...and there are days I can't stand to think or see of him honestly.  Motherhood doesn't bring me that 'joy' everyone talks about- I think it's just shit lol-nothing but stress, worry and financial loss.

I feel very blessed for how my H handles things after all the toxic dysfunction I have read on these blogs. What issues I thought I had are nothing compared to what goes on here. I don't have a disney dad and my H is big on disciplining and following with consequences when it calls for it. He doesn't sugar coat or take BS from his/our kids or anyone else. Our marriage is priority and the kids know that.

Good question.  I am at a point in life where I am looking back at a long list of choices already made and a reasonably long but obviously limited future of choices ahead of me.  The skids are out of the house but the "all I have to do is get through this and life will be great" mantra I used to sustain myself did not arrive with the rosy glow I had so looked forward to.  Those years took a massive toll and, like a rubberband stretched to almost breaking, the relationship did not snap back into its original form.  I am being patient but we are going on 2 years now.  I am also dealing with a health issue that could be nothing or could be major, and I won't know for a while which one it is, so that is causing the expected "what have I done with my life" that is just so healthy and helpful to mental health.  (sarcasm font inserted)  Unhappy?  No but not exactly happy either.  Dissatisfied and restless and thinking about mistakes made so long ago that there is no way anyone other than me even remembers them.  (Actually that last part verges more on a pathetic pity-party!  LOL)  Honestly though I think that is a riskier place to be than unhappy.  When you are unhappy, you tend to do nothing.  In this kind of agitated state, people tend to make impulsive decisions that they later regret.  I am trying to keep a lid on it so I don't do anything stupid.

No.

Why? Read my blogs, the answer is all laid out.

I'm happy now because I did a 180 and disengaged from skids, his sister, and a majority of the drama that came with marrying him.  I feel the tentacles of step life pulling me in all the time but I keep remaining aloof from it all. DH would love for me to be mroe involved; been there done that and got the therapy!  I had my own life and responsibilites before we married and I've gotten back to that and am able to be a supportive wife as well. 

I have a great H who is very committed to our marriage but his divorce was a trainwreck that left some serious scarring on him and his children and after 11 years in, I dont think we will ever be the Brady Bunch.  My H is also a very committed SF to my son and treats him very well.  My SD29 and SS24 never lived with me and the thing that annoys me the most is that my husband has not really treated me as someone who really has any say so about them.  So it is no wonder that I don't feel invested too much in my realtionship with them: it is very superficial.  And their BM is so bitter. She has never had anything nice to say about me or my H which is really the one of the biggest reason's that his children are so screwed up.  My DH has never said one ugly word to his children about their BM even though she has done everything to poison his children against him.  So I would have to say that while not unhappy.  My relationship with my SC is very unfulfilling and makes me not want to expend much energy on it.

No. I am grateful I got my bio kids out of it, but I wouldn't do it again. I would find a man without the baggage.

I am curious to know who here is happy with your life?

Yes. I am very happy with my life. Particularly with my marriage and also with the young man of character that my wife and I have raised.  My SS-26, is a young man of character and standing in his career and community.

Would you be in this situation if you could have seen into the future?

Yes.  I would pretty much make the same decisions that I have made over the past 25 years since marrying my bride and starting the process of raising my SS as my own.

Hell no and I make it known whenever I can.  Its on me though, I was well aware 6 years ago when we got together that he had kids and many of them and we get them every other weekend.  My kids goto my moms opposite weekends so we can have alone time but even to that sometimes his kids come for a visit then too.  Its always something.  Im in my mid 40s and did not expect to here at this point in my life.  I wanted to have more alone time and time to do stuff with just me and my SO.  He is the type that wants to do everything with the kids, hes such a great dad but I like my kid free time.  I think it may be an end to us

No and HELL NO. I wish I had that power to foresee the future, then I'd have avoided this all.