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No Contact with HCBM

strugglingSM's picture

Submitted by strugglingSM on Thu, 05/30/2019 - 5:35pm

Forums: 
General Discussion

DH is preparing for mediation, so I was searching for a specific threatening email from BM and came across this blog post, which I sent to DH several years ago. 

It talks about the trauma for the SM of dealing with a HCBM and the writer's regret that she didn't go no contact sooner. 

https://www.stepmomhelp.com/from-hell-to-healing-my-journey-with-my-husb...

I went no contact with the HCBM in my life pretty quickly. After meeting me once, she sent an email to her family and DH's family accusing me of wanting to move next to her (40 miles from my job), so that DH could stop paying child support. She also accused me of trying to take her children away from her on holidays. I don't even think DH and I were engaged at that point. 

Additional threats followed and there has been repeated drama from her in the five years we've been together. Like the author of this post, I too have a visceral reaction when I hear the text tone (a T-Rex roar) that DH has assigned to BM. 

Sharing, because I figure others could relate. 

 

 

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Thu, 05/30/2019 - 5:50pm

I never allowed BM any access to me at all, I've barely said more than hello to her in 9 years.  But I get very anxious when she sends DH harassing emails.  She's currently in the midst of a harassment episode, bugging him to give her money he doesn't believe he owes. It's all related to her feeling out of control, I know that.

But I hate that she makes me so anxious, and I don't know how to get over it.  19 more CS payments and she has no more legal control.  I wish DH would just block her, as SS is over 18 and he has no need to communicate with her, but he won't.

I think I have to ask him not to tell me when she contacts him.  I just want this crap to end.

strugglingSM's picture

Submitted by strugglingSM on Thu, 05/30/2019 - 5:55pm

I'm with you...I have a little less than 5 more years, I'm practically counting the days. 

One SS will not go to college...the other one might, but I won't be encouraging him. 

Thumper's picture

Submitted by Thumper on Thu, 05/30/2019 - 6:30pm

Thanks for sharing.

There is NO WAY to work out anything with a HCBM. Might as well chase your tail over and over again AND bang your head against the way after each turn around.

It is so freeing to let GO of the ropes. Poof

 

Cbarton12's picture

Submitted by Cbarton12 on Thu, 05/30/2019 - 6:30pm

I have basically no contact with BM. We enjoy hello and goodbyes. 

I've taken photos of her with her children as courtesy and vice versa. But that's it. 

I avoid her. 

She is very high conflict so even DH has little contact with her. Any communication is through a program ordered through the court. 

Aunt Agatha's picture

Submitted by Aunt Agatha on Fri, 05/31/2019 - 5:28am

I am 100% no contact.  I don’t even acknowledge her if we meet at an event due to her stalking me for the first few years SO and I were together.  In fact, one of the very few times I’ve said anything to her was to kick her off my property.

I do get along fine with her parents and siblings, but go figure, she treats them horribly as well.

now that my SO has been dealing with her for 11 years post divorce (9 with me), he’s gotten a hundred times better with using no as a complete sentence to all her outrageous, crazypants demands.  

shamds's picture

Submitted by shamds on Fri, 05/31/2019 - 5:52am

no contact with bio mum since their divorce 6 years prior. 

Since being married to hubby for 4.5 years exwife has hubbys number but has eldest sd23 message hubby with all her bullshit because that’s her way of guilting and manipulating hubby to give in to what she wants in using these kids.

to date, hubby has not been in contact or in her presence for 11 yrs now and he doesn’t intend to have any contact

skids have never had my number and it will remain that way forever. They do not need my number for any emergencies (they have 2 parents to manage that) and its not my issue their mum can’t co-parent effectively...

mid last yr hcgubm exwife made eldest sd guilt daddy into visits at her home. Hubby ignored the request and asked to meet at a restaurant with his daughters only..

Thisisnotus's picture

Submitted by Thisisnotus on Fri, 05/31/2019 - 6:03am

I don’t acknowledge her in any way, ever. Even at functions where paths cross. I’m sure my dh speaks to her when I’m not there but if I am there....she is invisible.

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Fri, 05/31/2019 - 8:09am

In our case, DH has tried communicating with her, but since all she wants to do is argue and threaten, he now ignores all of her communications.  

flmomma08's picture

Submitted by flmomma08 on Fri, 05/31/2019 - 10:42am

I haven't had any contact with BM since she physically attacked my DH while he had SD in his arms and then threatened to beat me so bad my DH wouldn't recognize me (that was the final straw). That was probably 8 years ago or so. I may have waved at a pickup or dropoff but that is as far as its ever gone and as far as it ever will go.