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Communication between his ex and parents

maba26's picture

Submitted by maba26 on Wed, 05/15/2019 - 1:19pm

Forums: 
Co-Parenting

Hey guys,

I’ve been together with my boyfriend for a year and just met the kids and moved in with him. The kids live with their mom primarily. I get along great with the kids and everything is going good so far.
However, I do have a question about co-parenting and communication as I don’t quite know how to feel. 
My boyfriend, his ex and his parents still do have a group chat where his parents text when stopping by at his ex’s house/anything related to the kids. I am not jealous but it does feel weird having him navigate his parents’ contact to the ex after separation Am I in the position to be vocal about that or not? Is it okay for me to talk about the possibility of his ex talking to them directly if necesarry or should I be supportive and understanding?

Best,
Mascha

ndc's picture

Submitted by ndc on Wed, 05/15/2019 - 2:05pm

I'm not sure what the issue is with the group text.  Do you not want his parents in touch with the BM?  If they're already dropping by her house, they're in contact with or without a group text.  Do you not want your BF involved in their communications with BM?  Is there just excessive texting?  It seems that if the grandparents want to see their grandchildren and the BM has them most of the time, it makes sense for them to be in contact with her.  Maybe I'm missing your concern, though.

maba26's picture

Submitted by maba26 on Wed, 05/15/2019 - 2:15pm

I guess I would feel more comfortable having the BM talk to his parents on her own. And to not have my boyfriend navigate these plans when he isn’t even around.

Cbarton12's picture

Submitted by Cbarton12 on Wed, 05/15/2019 - 2:19pm

I'm not sure I follow. Are you upset that his parents talk to BM? That's not really something you or your SO have control over. 

I mean if the group text is solely about the kids, what is the issue? BM and your SO will have to communicate about the kids for the long haul. And his parents are the grandparents so. 

tankh21's picture

Submitted by tankh21 on Wed, 05/15/2019 - 3:00pm

I am going to play devil's advocate here. If it was me I would be bothered because it would seem like boundaries need to be put into place early if the communicate was excessive with the BM even if it is strictly about the kids. If the BM wants to communicate with your BF's parents then who cares if they communicate with each other that is their business but your BF doesn't need to be included in some group text. OP if it bothers you that much then talk to your BF.

Sandybeaches's picture

Submitted by Sandybeaches on Wed, 05/15/2019 - 4:10pm

I think what OP is trying to say is that her boyfriends parents and BM are including her boyfriend on group text messages about her boyfriends parents going to see the kids at BM's house.  OP doesn't think that her boyfriend needs to be included in these group texts about their visits that he is not part of... I think I have that right and I don't think she was saying that she cares if the BM talks to her boyfriends parents she doesn't think her boyfriend needs to arrange it or be included in the text messages.

I agree I do not either.  No reason at all ... If it bothers you you should most definitely say something. 

It is your relationship too and my guess is there is a lot to deal with in this situation that you might not be used to if you don't have a similar situation (with and ex and kids) yourself.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Wed, 05/15/2019 - 6:59pm

While I understand  your discomfort with the interface between your SO, his parents and his X... it is not abnormal for XILs to maintain communication and a relationship with their child's X.

My XILs were some of these folks. They maintained contact with me for years after their cavern crotched adulterous skank whore of a daughter ran off with her geriatric fortune 500 executive sugar/baby daddy after she and I had been married for 26 months.  My XILs kept our wedding pictures on the walls of their home, sent me birthday cards and money each year on my birthday, would invite me and my family (my bride and the Skid) to their family events, etc, etc, etc..... 

Unlike in your situation... my XW was not a part of this communication at all, ever.  Though I am sure my XILs would update their daughter whenever I ran in to them in public.

I never accepted any of their invitations.  I would send the thank you cards for the birthday cards and cash.

Talk to your SO to learn more about this situation.  If it is reasonable... so be it. If not.... you have a decision to make.