SD going to college
So I guess SD is going to go register for college. I'm happy that she is thinking about getting her life in order. However I'm not confident that it's going to work out. We've been down this road. She did the college courses during high school and just never went to school and failed all courses. She has been fired from 9 jobs due to calling off/no shows. She now works for DH and she calls of a minimum of once a week. Given her track record I'm not sure how she's going to be motivated to actually go to school. DH's ex text him saying she has paid for all the fees for her to apply to school and wants us to reimburse her 1/2 of the fees. I don't know how much this is. She said she is going to send an itemized list of the fees. I feel like we need to hold off on paying any type of fees until we actually know if she is going to put the effort toward actually going to school. I wish SD's mom would have just done the same. If you want to go to school, you need to pay for it. If you can prove to me that you are actually going to school, work hard and pass your courses then we will help you. Maybe this would be an incentive for her to actually go to class this time and pass her courses.
- capp1978's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I wouldn't pay her squat. If
I wouldn't pay her squat. If SD drops it then she'll be reimbursed most of the original tuition, while she also keeps what you gave her.
Probably too lte this semester, but make sure if she does keep with it, you pay the school DIRECTLY.
Completely agree, and this is
Completely agree, and this is coming from my own experience. I always held a job and never got fired, but I hated school and didn't apply myself. When it came to college, my dad had just received a settlement from a lawsuit and paid for my first semester at technical college (we were broke otherwise). I hated it, never went to class, and didn't even complete the semester. Had that been my own money, I probably would have tried harder. Just a complete waste of money.
Has DH spoken to SD about college?
What she wants to major in, etc? More communication may help with how serious she is about school. Why she thinks it will be differnt than before. Some people excell at college and not at entry level jobs.
I dont think the application fees are a big deal, if that is what the mom is talking about.
If I were DH I would make certain I have access to kid's grades, and understand drop dates.
If sd is "working" for her
If sd is "working" for her dad's company, I can only assume she gets paid. Why isn't she paying for the fees? Fees to apply are typically not that much.
If BM is going to send an "itemized list", make sure she also sends copies of receipts to prove the expenses! Further, all of these plans were made without any discussion or agreement about splitting costs? Pretty presumptuous that someone will agree after the fact.
Is sd going to continue working? Has she discussed schedule changes with her father...given she "works" for him?
Yes she most certainly is
Yes she most certainly is getting paid. And chances are she is getting paid even when she calls off. Even though she is not salaried and an hourly employee I can guarantee you that DH is punching her in when she is not there so she gets paid. She isn't paying for the fees b/c she is too broke from all her tattoos, piercings, beer, cigarettes, vaps, and going on 2 vacations already this year. Every time I turn around she has a new tattoo or piercing. It's the entitlement....I pay for what I want, you pay for want I need.
Yikes, I hope he isn't paying
Yikes, I hope he isn't paying her when she calls off, etc. He will seriously lose respect at work for being like that.
If tuition is not court
If tuition is not court-ordered, and can't BE court-ordered, DH can put his own stipulations on how much he helps her.
No it's definitley not court
No it's definitley not court ordered. I know for a fact that they did not pay for SS's college as he had over $60,000 in student loans. However luckily he has been very successful and has paid off all his student debt.
That's good - then he can
That's good - then he can decide for himself if he pays upfront or reimburses her for good grades.
If he pays her at work when
If he pays her at work when she isn't there, chances are he's just going to pay whatever for college - good grades or not.
Luckily I handle the finances
Luckily I handle the finances at our house so he'll have to tell me if he's giving her any type of "lump sum".
Is it in the CO that college
Is it in the CO that college is paid for? If not, then BM can suck rocks & your DH can pay the school directly next time, if he chooses to at all. This kid needs to have some skin in the game herself or she’s never going to learn.
Nope not in the CO.
Nope not in the CO.
Why doesn’t DH
Take part of her paycheck and apply to college
IF and that's a huge IF she
IF and that's a huge IF she successfully completes a semester with acceptable grades then your DH can consider whether he want to help pay for the next semester. But since your DH pays her even when she doesn't come to work - then he'll probably just pour money down the drain no matter what she does.
Yea but I handle all the
Yea but I handle all the finances at our house so I'll know what he's paying from our personal account. As for the business he may not pay her when she doesn't come to work but I just know how he is and figure he punches her in even when she isn't there.
College money
Should come out of her pay. BM is overstepping quite a bit. did your DH agree to this? Or is he just giong along?
Curious as to SS- why did he have to pay for himself and not SD?
The only thing I can say is
The only thing I can say is divorce guilt. SS was in college already when BM & DH got divorced. BM is a recovering alcoholic and wasn't around much for SS and even SD when younger. Now she is trying to make up for it.
If I was your DH, I would not
If I was your DH, I would not reimburse BM for anything unless it is court ordered. As for paying the tuition, if he can afford it and is willing to pay, he should do it by reimbursement - meaning he reimburses her for the cost of a class only after that class is successfully completed and she has earned whatever grade they agree upon. Otherwise, the cost is on her. I think to do otherwise with a kid who has already shown a lack of work ethic would be insane. He needs to give her an incentive to apply herself and do well.
I agree with the others
I agree with the others telling you not to pay her. She cant just go do that and then expect half back. She should have discussed it DH beforehand.
This is exactly how BM is.
This is exactly how BM is. At the end of 2017 right before SD turned 18 BM hit us with a spreadsheet and said oh I forgot to tell you, you owe me $1,200. We used to split most bills 50/50 with her. We then bought SD a car & had her on our insurance. BM agreed to "cut us some slack" and didn't make us split some of the bills with her since we were paying a car payment and insurance. SD didn't follow the rules of the car and we took the car away (and let's just say it wasn't small rules that were broken it was drinking & driving & drugs found in car). Well at the end of the year BM says since you are no longer paying her car payment and insurance I'm charging you half of her cell phone bill for the last 6 months, oh and I forgot to charge you for the cost of her health insurance for the last year. DH refused to pay her cell phone bill but did pay the health insurance since it was on the CO.
She'll Do Like my SD20.5 and OSS 22.5 Did
Attend long enough for the "fun" and the grants/aid/loans to kick in for spending (3 to 6 weeks) then drop out.