So, I haven't been on here in a while so I'll catch some of you up. I am a married stepmother, I've been married for a little over two years, with my husband a little over four years. I have three stepchildren, two girls who are 15 and 18 and one stepson who is 13 almost 14.

We moved to my DH's home state just after getting married so that he could be closer to his kids. Prior to that , his responsibilities with child support resulted in him having to work out of state, which is how I was able to meet him. In any case, up until recently it was still the arrangement that the kids were here every other weekend and his ex had them the other times.  Even when they were here just the weekends, I was at my wit's end. These kids have no motivation, no passion about anything but playing video games. They raid my cupboards just before they're to leave to their moms again. They don't talk to anybody and if they're outside of their room for any length of time, their heads are buried in their cell phones. I have tried to connect with these kids before, I've even taken the two girls to a painting class, and you cannot get anywhere with them. The oldest, which will graduate in the end of May, has no clue what is set before her. I honestly think she thinks daddy, or rather stepmom since I am the reason we have any savings at all, is going to pay her way through everything in life. I've had the discussion with my DH about the fact that they need to show that they can have responsibilities and handle it, but she needs to get off her ass and get a job. But nothing happens.

Just recently, after hearing that his son was about to flunk out of seventh grade, my husband asked me if it would be okay for his son to move in with us for an 8-week trial. To see if he could turn things around. It has been about 5 weeks of help so far.  When he first came to live with us, we spoke with him about what was troubling him most at school. He said the fact that the teachers give too much homework. Since the time he's been staying here I do not believe he has spent more than 20 minutes a night doing any type of homework. I've told my husband, if that's what he was complaining about I am sorry but he needs to understand that school is not a free ride.  After about three weeks of this going on, and the son being allowed to do just what he wants to do, I basically lost my shit! I told my husband I could do this no longer and that if we didn't go to counseling I feared that it was going to lead us down the divorce path. So, we've decided to go to counseling.  

We have been to three sessions and the most we've gotten out of it was to sit and write down a list of expectations for the household, give him a list of chores, and see if he executes. Well, not even a week after this all occurred, he ended up "sick". I put quotes around the word sick because it started on a Sunday night, where he sat in this living room and was very dramatic about the fact that he had a few little sniffles. My husband bought into it hook, line, and sinker.  The next morning of course he woke up and didn't feel good. So, my husband kept him home even though I suggested to him that he's not that sick, and should go to school and see if he could stick it out. The next day, my husband had to leave out of town for work. My step-son was dressed and ready to go to school  and later that day I found out that on the way to school, the stepson had texted his mom  ( assume telling her he didn't feel good-). My husband rerouted his trip to drop him off at his mom's, and his mom kept him home again. She kept him home Wednesday and Thursday as well. My husband came back into town Thursday, knowing that his son had been out all that time from school, and still decided to let him stay at his mother's rather than going to pick him up and take him to the doctor himself. The child missedThursday obviously and since there's only one more day left in the week, sure they let him miss Friday too! Nobody got any homework for him. Mind you his mother teaches at his frickin school!!!  When he did go back to school the following week my husband bought into the fact that he only had two assignments to make up. I essentially lost my shit after my husband told me for the third time that week that he was going to take him to the doctor, only the come home and then call and tell me that he wasn't that sick. If he is not that sick, how does a kid that's already struggling be allowed to miss a whole week of school?!?

After this event, I told my husband I was done. I wanted to hear no more about his children, I didn't want to be ask my opinion or be the sounding board when it came to his children. They were strictly between him and his ex. All I wanted to know was when they were going to be here so that I can plan accordingly. And by plan accordingly I mean how I can make myself scarce as possible when they're in this house.

I apologize for my rant, but my whole purpose in putting this out there is to see if anyone else has been in a similar situation. This last year has not been good, and several times I've thought to myself that it's time to just leave. Sometimes I feel like it's just not worth the stress, but then I think when it's just my DH and I alone, things are great for the most part. It's just a matter of can I survive the next five years until the youngest is 18, and hopefully by then has learned o have some responsibility. What I'm not going to do is accept the fact that some eighteen-year-old dumb kid lives in my house who does nothing but playing video games all f****** day and eat our foid!. Then the in marriage will end for sure!