Put that barrier back up NOW.  Do not ever allow ahole adults in your home.  My husband could be dying in our home, and I would not let SS34 set foot in our home.

since i marriedy husband that i feel any apology doesn’t repair the damage done. The emotional abuse I tolerated that hubby refused to address until i told him i wanted a divorce and was the 1st time hubby put his foot down

when hubby messages me from work and says ss is coming home from university today, i don’t reply, i feel angry and depressed but i just go about my day.

i will not let any arsehole skids ruin my home living environment, force me to lock myself in my room. I go about my day and ignore him completely. He doesn’t talk to me and i don’t talk to him.

hubby knows i am done from any relationship with skids including his daughters who live in another state. I refuse to be present at any events all skids will be at. I do this for my own sanity and comfort

Nothing has changed. Raise the drawbridge and protect your sanctuary.

Your husband allows his adult kids to treat you like crap in your own home?

I am sorry.

If I had an evil step daughter, she wouldn't be allowed in my home. Period.

not allowed - lots of hotels nearby (SKIDS live a days drive away)...no respect, no entrance.  My sannctuary begins at the front door.

You both have to agree unless this adult child has apoligised and truly is repentant she should not be in your house. Do not ever let her get a key . Do not leave for her to visit. 

It is your home. It is unfair if anyone expects you to accept anyone who is rude to you into your home.

Somehow these children convince themselves that everything Dad has is automatically theirs even though they can see the evidence that you both have a part in ownership. If DH wants to see her Inwould suggest he take the dog fir a walk in the park and meet her there.

When I disengaged, I made it clear SD was not welcome here so my husband would have to meet her elsewhere. I didn't want to be put in a position of leaving when she came, and like you, I couldn't stand the sight of her. That might seem drastic, especially because SD lives 1.5 hours away, but I knew if I started leaving when she came, it might become a regular thing and then I'd have to fight to reduce her visits -- and of course, I'd be the bad guy again. Keeping my space clear of even a threat of her visiting has put my mind at ease and nearly eliminated that pest from my consciousness.

My husband has respected that boundary and goes to see her.

With your SD living so close, you might end up leaving your house a lot to avoid her. Think about that before you decide how to handle this because if you do it once, it's that much harder to change how it's handle the next time.

Unfortunately, I had to fight hard to get a little space in my own marriage and keeping it has been hard, so I set a very tight, firm boundary that generously benefits me when there's a territory issue. That's the least I deserve to make up for how hard I had to work to gain that ground in the first place.

Be generous to yourself with your demands. If you have to compromise, you'll end up with nothing, so start out big. If you don't want to leave and you don't want her in your space, just draw that boundary and don't give it up.

I agree with the others, no way does she get to visit in your home the way she used to. That boundary goes back in place & your DH can visit her elsewhere.

The fact she believes you’re stealing from her & her sister is ridiculous, and it doesn’t make the house more ‘hers’ in any stretch of the imagination. That’s dillusional. Draw the line in the sand & make sure your DH follows through. Hateful, toxic people have no place within your home.

Your DH could take a dog and go visit SD or they could meet in the park. Absolutely under no circumstances I’d allow her to come visit your house 

I agree with the others - this SD should not be in your home, given how rude she has been to you.  No way should you have to leave because DH wants her to come over, after all that she's said to you.  Would you ever invite someone else who has been that rude to you into your home?  

BTW, she probably has Borderline Personality Disorder, not Bipolar Disorder.  

Absolutely do not allow your sanctuary to be violated and sullied by toxic waste such as these two SDs.

My DH knows that Toxic Feral is sick in the head. She has accued him on multiple occasions of abuse, has poured hate on both of us. She can visit with her father outside our shared sanctuary. Even munchkin sd12 knows this!

Feral is such a filthy, rude pig, when she requested to move back in with us, he said "no, if we are such horrible people, nothing will be different, work it out with your mother." End of texts from her!!!!

I am also new to disengagement.  I have tried both ways - leaving the house during adult skids visits and being present but engaged in other activities.  My choice often depends upon what I think I can handle that day, lol! 

I began my process 3 months ago after a family funeral.  Interesting how death brings out the worst in people.  Out of 5 adult skids, my DH has been estranged from 2 adult sons for 8 years.  They showed up uninvited at the funeral of their aunt and 2 adult daughters suddenly aligned with them and I became the bad guy in less than 45 minutes at the reception.  Step daughters who had pledged loyalty to their father and me, also previously estranged from their brothers,  suddenly switched sides.  They were circling the wagons.  

I agree it’s a shame there were sides to begin with but the back story of the estrangement is basically a result of the two sons suing their father’s company, turning their backs on him during a cancer battle and opening a competing business, which failed.  It divided the family.  No apologies have ever been rendered.

Truthfully, I’m not a quitter; I’ve been at this for 45 years and to step away was  to accept that I can’t make this work and don’t want to try any more.  I have to preserve my own sanity.

My SD’s are 56 and 61.  Their father is 83 and not in the best of health.  The 2 SS’s are 47 and 50.  To make a long story shorter, the skids enjoyed their reunion and formed a new alliance.  

I received a text from SD 56, erroneously,  that was meant for SD 61 during the reception.   It clarified my new position.  Eye opener, oh yes, when you receive a text about yourself.  That was the moment I made a pledge to “step” away.  Without me cooking family dinners, arranging holidays and funerals, and keeping the lines of communication open, they could have those positions!  The results have been amazing to say the least.  Since I’m not communicating, there hasn’t been much interaction, just a few “drop by” visits.    My DH has decided we need to be out of town for Father’s Day and spend a weekend with our 2 biological children, 33 and 36, without the drama that goes along with the entire tribe.  We are getting older and just want peaceful holidays and get-togethers.  I’ll keep you all posted on the progress! 

Just  for the record, I now refuse to answer the phone when caller  ID identifies a SD!  They can leave a message or call their father on his cell.