She spports you 100%

I hate that saying “blood is thicker than water”.  Probably bc we don’t want it to be true yet it is.  It’s a cop out in my opinion since it’s coming from someone that is not your husband.  It’s easy to throw out those thoughts and comments.  I have to imagine most of us step parents have heard that before.  Sounds like she supports you.  Just easy to make those off hand comments.  Just like mapitout suggested.   

Ugh, that stupid expression - it's always used WRONGLY.  The expression is "the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb," which meant that soldiers developed a stronger bond than even brothers.

But I digress.  Loyalty should not be based on whether someone shares your DNA, but on whether they have earned your loyalty. Many men on here choose dysfunctional children over wives who are supportive, and that's wrong and stupid. The children will not be loyal to them and the wives will, yet they chase the kids who will always hurt them.

Thankfully, mine isn't one of them.

I am so thankful that my MIL takes what the bible says about marriage seriously. The whole "Before All Others"- was a big part of our wedding and our pastor (DH's uncle) told all the kids to look him in the eye and said- that means you. Your parents are going to place God as first in the home and their marriage 2nd. You guys will always be taken care of, but this marriage is the priority. You are going to grow up one day and have a family of your own, your spouse will be your priority above your parents and your children too. If you don't make a marriage a priority, it will fail.

We aren't super religous by any means but I love that it was said like that and told directly to all of our kids. 

My guess is your MIL was never put first in her marriage, or she wouldn't feel this way. 

In any relationship, including intact families, a spouse who puts child above marriage is wrong. Without the support of the adult relationship, there isn't a solid family unit.

First and foremost, the marriage is the most sacred. Assuming it is solid with correct boundaries and expectations. When this is the case everything else falls into place, including skids who openly reject the union. 

It is when the marriage is not first that we see the issues many deal with here. 

As for Curious Georgetta, she is as cynical as they come. Again my guess is that she has never had the pleasure of being put first, above all else. Sadly, until that happens, the 'blood is thicker than water' is often played to prove the insecurities of the person saying it. 

The expression is "the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb," which meant that soldiers developed a stronger bond than even brothers.

This ^^^

I think that people THINK that their loyalty should be with blood, so they may act on that, but in reality, bonds are formed by our experiences with people, what role they have played in our life...blood or no blood.

Sadly, some people are misguided in this area and end up hurting someone they love because of it.

In our relationship, we put each other first. The kids are our top responsibility but our relationship is our top priority. Our relationship is the most important because without it, the kids suffer just as much as we do. BUT if it came down to it, I'm saving my son before anyone else in a housefire LOL and I expect DH to do the same. I wouldn't have married him if he was the type to choose me before SD and I wouldn't marry anyone (if I were to remarry) who expected me to put them before my son when worst comes to worst. 

So it's a hard choice. In our day-to-day lives, marriage comes first. When shit hits the fan, kids come first lol. 

I think she is saying that she agrees with your POV but that your Husband is their BIO parent and has that natural bond with them and he is still likely going to want a relationship with them.  Now, you absolutely should not be letting them ICE you out of situations where you should be included in his life.. like his birthday.  He should not be allowing that.  But, if he wants to continue to have a relationship with his kids.. it's likely that he will.  People still love their kids.. even when the kdis do things they don't like.

And it blew up on me. Of course it was with a 12-year old, but she now understands what was meant. She came home one day and told me that she learned at school that "children should alwasy come first". Im like what the ever-living h? I told her the marriage is the top priority but the children are top responsibility. She got upset, went crying to her sister who blasted her father, and me. Saying that her mother, Toxic Troll, always puts her children first (yeah, after she beats them lol) and that he was a horrible father because he chose me over his own "seed, his own blood".

No he didnt. She ghosted us, and went no contact. She was never asked to leave - she just didnt like the house rules. She was never abused by her father like she tried to say.

So, now that munchkin has matured a bit and thought about things, she has realized that she is considered very important, and we are a team, that we are strong when we are strong together. She is enjoying the benefits of us being strong together, she is learning what a healthy marriage/relationship looks like. So it no longer bothers her that I told her that the marriage should always come first.

Too bad your MIL isnt as "emotionally intelligen"t as my 12-year old stepkid.

I think also, my perspective is different, and I have taught her that blood doesnt determine who you love. My step father adopted me at 16, and hes my dad. She sees us, and understands that family is in the heart, the soul. Yes, Toxic Feral Eldest will always be DH's child, but he asked me to stay, when I asked him if I should leave if it meant that he would have a positive relationship with his eldest daughter. Munchkin asked me to stay when I asked her if it meant she could have her sister there. I was really upset at the texts Toxic Feral sent her father, so I wasnt thinking clearly.

But it showed me that the whole love-someone-simply-because-you-are-blood-related doesnt have a foothold in my relationships.

I hope your discussion with your MIL has a positive result. She could really use this learning opportunity.

Never, ever forget that in-laws are only extended family. They have their own agendas, and their allegiance can be fluid.

Take everything your husband's mother, the grandmother of the skid(s), says with a grain of salt. She was probably nice to BM, too.

She knows her son.  She is warning you.   So, take her advice, be diligent in observing the ongoing DH/Skid dynamics and don't let it get out of control.

You and your marriage will remain his priority if you tolerate nothing less.