Spoiled/Entitled skids
Gotta vent a bit. Been married to my DW for 6 years. Skids were 6 and 9 when we met, now 12 and 15. We have always had a battle over electronics/screen time. 12 year old SS is on his stuff ALL the time. Yes, in our home we try to set limits but DW often let's things slide for family harmony (although it's not true harmony because I resent the hell out of it). SS has an iPhone 8 and a iPad (both were bought by BD) with unlimited data. For Christmas this year he was given a $1300 macBook as well. What 12 year old needs all three of these devices? He's getting fat, he's lazy and he's spends almost all of his time on these devices, save for the time he's on Xbox playing Fortnight with his dad online.
SD is 15. Has her driving permit. On the 21st, BD gave her a car for Christmas. Said he was giving it early so she could enjoy it over the holiday. Wnated to know if we would "go in on it with him"? Hell no. The kid is lazy, spoiled, entitled, doesn't lift a finger, gets angry when we ask her to unload the dishwasher, has been in trouble multiple times for sexting and worse. Now she has a car. A nice one. Then she comes home on Christmas day and annonces she too has been given a brand new macBook plus over $500 in gift cards to Sephora, Ulta and other shops.
This is a kid too who never asks us for money but always goes to the mall and shops. Her dad adds money to her debit card constatly. She has NEVER earned a thing in her life. Her grades suck, she's quit every activity she's tried once it becomes hard or she can't do it the way she wants to.
We make a decent living and have a nice home which we bought in the top county in the state for schools. BD lives 30 minutes away in the metro school district. His home is worth considerably less, so he spends his money spoiling the kids and allowing them to do whatever they want. The kids fail to see that a) we won't spoil them and b) we pay a lot based on our home to allow them to be in the top schools in the area. They still want to demand things and get pissy when we won't buy them things or take them to expensive places to eat or on expensive vacations.
Some would say, turn and run away... but I love my wife. She hates their behavior too but she's their mom and I get it. It's hard because when she vents about them and I agree we have great conversations. But if I bring it up on my own, she turns on me.
I find myself completely resentin the Skids. I don't want to, but I do. I dread them coming over. I hate my SD attitude and the way she lips off to her mom. She is allowed to speak that way to her BD and he even laughs about it when she calls him fatty or baldy-locks. I can't stand the man but I hate when I hear her speak that way. Absoultely no respect.
So what do I do? Suck it up? Disengage completely? Allow my marriage to be ruined?
I'm sorry to ramble on. Just frustrated. Don't know what to do.
Rant over.
Here's your answer:
Here's your answer:
"we try to set limits but DW often let's things slide for family harmony (although it's not true harmony because I resent the hell out of it) "
Your DW needs to parent her kids. The entitlement isn't just coming from their father. If she hates their behavior, then she needs to do something about it.
All you can do is disengage.
BM was able to afford more
And the kids had new iphones & laptops too. All I could do was sit back and watch. It wasn't easy...
I would adopt the philosophy
I would adopt the philosophy - who cares!
If their behavior isn't affecting you emotionally, physically or financially then who cares.
If skids turn out to be entitled, useless adults - they can go live with their overindulgent father - and who cares.
You are simply the husband. Not their father. Not responsible to raise them. And if their parents want to create a monster - who cares.
Set limits in your home. Such as - no adult skid lives here without a job and full financial participation.
Enjoy your life. Enjoy your wife. Let skids derail!
I'm right there with all of
I'm right there with all of you. My skids are very entitled and spoiled. I took them bicycling to get them out of the house because their dad didn't feel well and I thought I would give him a break and be a good bonding experience for us. They suggested going and I thought it would be a great idea for them and good for them to learn too. It was a mistake and waste of time on my part. I was set up for failure and walked right into that trap. I should've known better. Let's just say both of them acted very entitled and unappreciative. The oldest is 9 and he is a big kid for his age. His behavior physically and emotionally was comparable to most 3-4 year olds. I almost feel bad for him because 1. No one (mom or dad) has cared enough to spend the time and effort to teach him and 2. No one (mom or dad) has taught him tantrums and crying are an inappropriate way to handle frustration when you are 9 years old. He's a big kid for his age physically too. At the end of the day there was never an ounce of appreciation or a thank you said by either of them and it was all about how hard it was and how I didn't teach them the right way. Is their a right way to teach a 9 year old who still needs training wheels? It was back to playing video games and watching tv as soon as we got home. They were also whining and complaining that the dog was hyper and barking over the tv they could not hear. Do you think either of them ever get their butts up to take the dog on a walk? Or at least play ball with the dog in the backyard for a bit? Nope. Not them. That's someone else's job(mine or dad's). Yet they wanted a dog. As I reflect I can't blame these kids as much as it is so easy to do. This is the result of poor parenting on both sides going on for way too long. Now that I think of it I don't remember their father thanking me for taking them bicycling either. It has become a "what can you do for me?" type of mentality in that family all around.
Fat and lazy
Update: Skids had their annual Pediatrics appointment. Doctor told SS 12, that he was overweight. Needed an hour of activity per day. Got home at 2pm yesterday and he was on Fortnite until 12:30am, mostly playing online with his fat BD. DW didn’t do anything to stop it. Not my problem. Poor kid will be a fat lazy entitled bastard just like his BD. No longer letting this crap get me upset because I’m not allowed to change it.
Launch Plan in Writing
This tool will help you insist SS move out at 18 because he's too lazy & entitled to try anything but lounge at your house, so it needs to be made clear now. Then, he won't be able to say you changed the rules because you'll be able to say, "Check the Launch Plan" and sure enough, all the rules he's ignoring will be spelled out.
Worked for me, and I learned here on StepTalk.
I feel your pain. Bio dad is
I feel your pain. Bio dad is worthless in our situation also. He doesn't parent. He just visits them a couple times a week and buys his kids gifts. It's a joke and makes everything worse. My SS (9) is also overweight, rude, entitled and lazy. He loves nothing more than playing video games and watching tv for hours and hours. He thinks he deserves the best of everything and has done nothing to deserve any of it. Wife and I get into arguments over her kids and ex regularly and she turns on me.
Disengage disengage disangage
Say this 3 times, and click your heels together while doing this. Then the flying monkey skids will all go away peacefully, and the magical oz can spend his money while you float along doing your thing. They sound like they are on a destructive pathway. All you can really do is to enforce rules at your own home, and disengage - let the parents figure things out on their own.
Oh how cute - the skids have SUCH creative names for the parents. I was creatively called "the crazy b!tch". Isnt that nice? WELL.