SD9 buttinski - need advise
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My BF and I constantly love to tease one another tell each other how much they are annoying or your a pain in my neck. We do get pretty loud with our laughing and teasing. My problem is that SD9 is there laughing (which is fine) but she trys to join in and says things that typically a 9 year should not be saying to an adult. I understand she is not being disrepectful intentionally but I have brought it to her attention and told her that it's not ok for her to say those things. But she continues to do so. Any advise on how to handle this?
It is happening because she
It is happening because she sees you guys doing it, and it’s fun for a kid. You guys are role models so of course she wants to be included and liked so she is mimicking the behaviour she sees. That really is all there is to it.
I agree.
Your 'joking around' is normal to her. This is how you express your love for each other. And to be included she adds her 2cents worth. So suddenly the glue that binds you two together is sounding not quite so inclusive. In fact it sounds disrespectful and rude. So maybe this is how it sounds to everyone else.
SD wants to be part of your group'. And to be part of your group she uses the 'in-speak'.
She will continue despite your "Do as I say, not as I do." attitude. You are telling her to be polite while you are DH are sounding really smartarse to each other. Time to up your game especially when SD is around.
My SS used to do this too -
My SS used to do this too - honestly, she just wants to be part of the fun, but coming from her it sounds disrespectful. I had to be careful how DH and I joked with each other around SS because he would join in and say the same things, innocently.
Just tone down your behavior around her.
Thank you
Thank you. I'm listening to everyone's advise and will take it all into account. I agree our teasing can be seen rude or disrspectful to others so we are mindful about our teasing and generally do it in the privacy of our home. With that being said I will tone it down when she is present. I also agree she is old enough to learn and know better. There has been many occations when she chimes in when I am speaking to another adult. I have to brought it to her attention that though she is present the conversation is between myself and the other individual. If allowed she would take over the conversation not allowing much for others to speak. Unfortunatly she is a very needy child and is constantly craving attention. This may be due to the fact that she does not have her mother in her life except for 1 week out of the year and the occational Skpe. She's a bright and kind child but many of my friends find her to be a bit too much. She just love to hear herself talk. Any advise on this issue will be greatly appreciated.
She wants attention because
She wants attention because she doesn’t want you guys to abandon her too- which is very sad. She prob has a ton of insecurities and a lot going on in her head.
i would say maybe some therapy would be good?
Agree
I totally agree with you I know she needs therapy but DH is either unaware or in denial. The fact that her mother left her behind got married, raising another mans daughter and now has a 10 month old half sister must be an issue. But she's young and doesen't realize how impactful this is, I can only imagine how she will feel once she hit's her teens. Meanwhile BM walks on water in her eyes from what I understand this is normal at her age. I'd like to get her therapy at an early age before she gets older because I remember being a teen and everything/everyone annoyed me or irritated me. I am one who will NOT put up with any little teenagers attitude. Sorry not sorry.
Honestly I think it’s cute
The fact she wants to joke around with you sounds like she likes you. My two step brats would not behave this way. My older step brat would make a point of telling us how dumb we are and Sarcastically make a few more digs before leaving the room. The younger step brat would gladly jump in BUT very rudely in a pissed off way insult me to shut up and leave “daddy dearest” alone.
Jokes are great. Learning
Jokes are great. Learning when they are appropriate is important.
When my parents were a young married couple, they married at 17-M and 19-D, and had me two years later I was in on their banter and jokes at a very young age. When I was ~2-3yo we went East to my GPs for Christmas one year. My mom’s family were all sitting in the LR singing Christmas carols. When they started on Jingl Bells I busted out with “Jingle bells cockle shells rabbits in the grass, take your merry Christmas tree and shove it up your.......!
As the little grandson started singing everyone stopped singing to watch the young-un be all cute. Just before the word “ass” left my lips my dad reached around the wall from the hallway, covered my mouth and pulled me around the corner.
My parents learned that young ears and lips don’t understand appropriate application of private humor.
They made sure to keep us tuned on anything that could not be shared outside of the core family and home.
I still over stepped a few times in my childhood but did learn discretion.
Just tell her that how you and her dad joke is for the two of you and the three of will come up with something special that will work.