are your stepkids causing other friction in your relationship?

also, try googling for articles about this topic. There are numerous results with good advice. 

Take, for example, this one- https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.self.com/story/not-satisfied-in-bed-how...

what you what him to do, In a nice way.  What you need to t be satisfied.  Give a road map 

Has he always been like this? If not, can you figure out what might have changed in the relationship?

In the meantime, rather than telling him, try showing him what works for you.

And google for advice or check out books on the subject.

He sounds like a fairly selfish and inconsiderate sexy-time partner! He doesn't notice you aren't having fun, and when you let him know, he get defensive and pouty instead of asking what he can do differently? No wonder you aren't feeling very satisfied.

I would be more specific, not less.  If he is not hitting the spot he needs to know how to do it right. 

I have a hard time using words to express what I want... I just tend to move his hand, or "force" the position move or tell him to stop moving- let me. LOL 

When I am stressed I have a really hard time... getting there. DH knows that so he will let me take control without making weird for me. Toys can also be helpful. 

Men's egos get hurt fast over sex. It sucks sometimes to try and say- hey, this isn't working for me even though you are into it without hurthing feelings. 

First you have to decide if it is out of pure selfishness or ignorance. 

If you conclude the issue stems from selfish reasons - not much you can do. (and would be a huge deal breaker for me). If that is the case I would purchase some personal toys and once he is finished I would simply roll over and take out José and begin to exclaim loudly how great he is in bed!

If it is ignorance, find a sexy class! Usually they are all about communication and satisfying your partner in bed. Maybe he just needs to learn a few new tricks but is too embarrassed to admit it :) 

As one of the few men on the site I will concur that we as a gender are fragile whn it comes to sex/ego and basically pretty much brainless as well, so not defending him in any way but the gender ourselves sometimes we need a little guidance. Some guys are better than others in this department but if you are not getting what you need you need to tell him what you need not that you're not being satisfied, he doesn't know what you need unless you tell him.

If it is the other case that he is selfish and just doesn't care then not much you can do, all the talking in the world will change a selfish sex partner.

Also just because you see him finishing with or without you doesn't necessarily means his NEEDS are being met, his immediate need for release is being met but even with us knuckle draggers there is more to it, and if he is finishing without your help that is also IMHO a red flag that his needs aren't being met either. Men would much rather have a woman than their hand or a latex toy.

Sounds like you both need to have a discussion about this before it gets to far away from you, trust me long periods without sex can be a real drag on a relationship.