When I think about some of the ways I may have mishandled myself. I see alot.

You know when I was 18 I was impulsive and a little inpatient. I didn't necessarily consider the consequences of rushing to move in with an older man.

He wanted to wait a little while, but I put my foot forward without any regard for the resentment his kids might feel with me just up and moving in.

I wish things would have happened a little differently because if I were more patient the results might have been better. Our relationship'status reception might have been smoother.

I was young and excited to be in love and with a man I thoroughly enjoyed being around.

There were alot of things we could have done different in regards to SD.

Now that I look back I see a pattern: we would try to enforce responsibilities and if she started acting up and stopped doing chores, or something she would get what she wanted anyway. SO would try to discipline and when she would throw a tantrum it would be so bad that he'd inevitably give in.

So if no consequence was being enforced why would she be on her best behavior?

I was young and it was hard for me to understand my role in a new family dynamic, there are alot of ways I could have done better these past years.

First by learning to say 'no'. No you can't do that, no you can't have that. No you can't be disrespectful. No you can't drop out. No you can't have a boy over. Etc.

I guess I was do involved in trying to earn acceptance that I didn't fully understand the magnitude of the situation. My actions and inactions had consequences. So did SO's.

We haven't been perfect, but we did try. We also gave up too easily though. Parenting is not supposed to be easy. Being a role model is not supposed to be easy. I wish I would have understood that more before.

It didn't help that BM would take SD'a side when discipline was involved. She would talk about SO and all SD had to do was threaten to move in with her mom and he would give in. I wish that BM would have been more involved with her daughter and working together more with my SO and maybe alot of the behavior we see today wouldn't be happening.

I am trying to acknowledge my faults so I can be better. SO is doing the same.

I know we're not totally to blame for SD'she actions but we certainly could have tried to do more and SO should have put his foot down! Regardless of whether she 'might get mad at him'.

Anyway, I hope to update soon with good news and progress. It's gonna be a long road, but one worth going down.